May the best man win (don’t choose for her)

Gentlemen are said to have gone extinct, but they have not. They are either put under the thumb or they exist in a self-sacrificing mode of masculinity that stems from the idea “I am flawed, and should not burden the woman I love with my hopes”. This may be difficult to see on the outside because it is quiet and the men aim to not let people in on their pain because that forces the other person to lower their mood to match the others out of respect for their pain, and will invite an unwelcome pep-talk. They don’t want to burden others with their sorrows, and their load is theirs to bear, and theirs alone.

This is what women call “shutting them out”, and sometimes it is exactly that; when the pain is caused by one woman, who would not leave his heart by sharing that pain with another. Sometimes the woman who causes the pain is the one they are shutting out so that she would be free to choose who she wants and remain free of the guilt of the pain she causes him. He does not see she wants him but cannot say so. Half a word – that’s all she’s asking! Just the smallest of a chance to say: If you’ll have me.

I am one of the many victims of gentleman lovers. Although, and exactly because I’ve got several, they have all, one by one, stepped out of the game to allow “a better man” make me happy. Although I love my more brother-type ex-husband dearly, he was the first one to claim me for his, simply because he didn’t see me as a magical being; amazing, yes, but not magical, just that one notch down to make it possible for a gentleman to believe they are the best option I have (just like a brother would!)

A true male lover (True Emotion Mirror) will always worship the ground under their woman’s feet (that’s the way they’re built, that’s not a testament to the awesomeness of the female gender, that’s just that they can’t see the wrong we do) and the female is always (near?) powerless to resist his approaches. Only through the greatest of resolve, she will turn him down, and only through the greatest of love and respect, he will turn away from her, for as long as they both refuse to see the true nature of their relationship, and until they have cleared their personal issues and insecurities. It takes a lot of self-confidence to be with a True Emotion Mirror and trust that you are exactly what they need and want, let alone come to terms with the fact they desire you like you were… Well. A desirable adult. *Gasp!*

The situation gets more complicated when there are more than two True Emotion Mirrors in this saga. When two (or more) equal forces are competing over the heart of one woman, the instinctive respect the men share for each other may well be enough of a reason for all of them to turn away and hope one of them will make her happy… But it is more than likely that an “outsider” will attempt to make her happy and fail. What would happen if one of them would say: “I don’t know if I can make you happy, I’ll share you if I must, but I’ll go away as soon as you tell me to.” Such love is hard to find in a culture where love is mistaken for ownership, just saying. Better that than have the woman you love end up lonely because you weren’t there for her.

Sometimes there are two ‘better men’. Then, the loving thing to do may be to let her have you both in a polyandrous relationship.

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