My friend believes she’s met her True Emotion Mirror, how do I help her?

If your friend has met their True Emotion Mirror, she’s probably driving you insane as well as herself. 🙂 That is the nature of True Emotion Mirror couples, they breed insanity around them for as long as they’re not together (and after that they cause the elevated danger of diabetic attacks due to excessive sweetness. :p) The dark side of this is the situation when you fear that this guy is not really good for her, because it may seem to you that they are throwing away their lives for a guy who doesn’t seem to care or is simply impossible to pin down for an answer, let alone a commitment. You can see good men around your friend, but she’s hung up on one guy who keeps rejecting her or making her life a misery otherwise. And yet, she’s in love.

You are facing yet another problem – how to tell whether this guy has a narcissistic personality disorder. That is also a possibility, because men with this disorder are unknowingly or even knowingly mimicking the signs of a True Emotion Mirror relationship (through romantic movies sometimes, sometimes deliberately). To decide which it is, consider these questions:

1. Has this guy ever been dismissive, blatantly disrespectful or abusive (physically or mentally) toward your friend? A narcissist would be.

2. Does this guy have long term friends? A narcissist often loses their friends after a while.

3. Does this guy see himself as ‘larger than life’ does he brag or tell tall stories? A narcissist would.

4. Do you ‘feel funny’ near him? Is there something that isn’t quite right? Does he ‘erk’ you? An outsider often picks up on narcissism quicker than their partner.

5. Has he systematically tried to isolate your friend from her family and friends to gain sole access to her?

6. Has your friend turned ‘more timid’ or somehow odd around him? Both True Emotion Mirrors and Narcissists** change their partner, but with a True Emotion Mirror this change is positive (apart from intense feelings) and the narcissist changes them into something less than what they were – especially after few months of dating.

7. The major difference is that a narcissist will try to create a commitment as soon as possible (even using a child as a tool – by any means available), a True Emotion Mirror may avoid making a commitment out of fear of the intensity of the relationship. After break up, a narcissist will be openly hostile towards their ex, while a True Emotion Mirror will resort to avoidance.

Both NPD’s and True Emotion Mirrors can be extremely intense, but if you have had the opportunity to observe your friend with their partner, usually you sense her happiness and their love for each other if it’s a True Emotion Mirror, but in case of a narcissist you feel… Weird. Usually True Emotion Mirrors make everyone around them feel better (albeit outsiders) and the air around them seems “thicker”. Sometimes the bond can be sensed by an outsider if they pay attention. Often even strangers sense them being a couple – even if they show no outward signs of it. A narcissist would make sure all outside signs are there, apart from peeing on her leg, they’d probably do every precaution to mark their territory. 😀 A narcissist is fiercely jealous.

Now that we have cleared that ugliness, let’s talk about what your friend is going through. A True Emotion Mirror bond is extremely strong, and often unbelievably romantic. If you are unhappy with your relationship (or the lack thereof), You may feel envious on some level, and therefore eager to find fault in your friend’s partner. This is a normal reaction, even to those who have met their True Emotion Mirrors, we all feel a bit competitive at times and especially when things are not going too well for us, we might want to ‘help’ our friends by advising them to take a step back from their true love. Observe your motivateons, but also notice that you don’t want to push your friend together with an NPD as a precaution, because these people do kill… It’s a tough balance sometimes.

The best thing for you to do is to listen. Avoid spewing out clichés like “he doesn’t know what he’s missing”, “he’s not good enough for you”, “I think he has a commitment phobia” and so forth. If you don’t understand, just tell her so, you may feel like you should give her advice, but you don’t. What she needs is a sounding board who doesn’t judge… If you do know first hand what your friend is going through or can imagine it out of previous life experience (you have instinctive knowledge of what she’s going through) just tell them you understand… Don’t try to offer advice or baby them, just let them vent – unless you know what you’re talking about and if you do, I don’t think you’ve googled for this particular article. 🙂 The best thing for someone in this situation is just a pair of non-judgemental ears… And someone who is not shy to gasp and ask them to tell more! You can be as curious as you want because noone who has met their True Emotion Mirror gets tired of talking about them… Endlessly… (But be careful, because you may become their trusted source of support, so remind yourself that you don’t have to listen endlessly, guard your own boundaries here, too.)

I know you’ll be tempted to give them advice on what to do – to move on or to keep waiting (and often you’d find yourself wanting to tell them to move on, especially if you haven’t met the guy) but refrain from taking responsibility for their decisions. Give them suggesteons, from both sides, should you do this, this might happen, should you do that, this might happen. Go through the ‘what if’s’, but don’t suggest to know what will be the best solution. You will also be very well needed as an anchor to reality! Although you shouldn’t tell them what to do in staying or going, you are well equipped to give advice on things like how to talk to him or when to talk to him, because True Emotion Mirrors can easily forget what is normal or socially acceptable – this is important if they are not in a relationship yet, but are to-ing and fro-ing. Try to calm your friend down if you can, laugh at their silliness and whack them with a wet dish rag if they get too carried away! They need a bit of a hit from this thing called ‘the real world’ every now and then – but still keep in mind they ARE going through something very magical and powerful, so try not to discredit that.

The best thing you could do for your friend is to be their eyes and ears, their common sense. Since you are not blinded by the love that she feels, you can observe their true dynamic and tell them what you sense is going on. Try to be as objective as you can, and avoid over-thinking things. Sense it honestly, and if you need to give her bad news, be gentle about it, but firm. These relationships tend to take the whole life and if you see no hope for them, tell them so. If you think there’s a slight ray of hope, tell them so. I don’t know what I would have done if my friends would have told me I’m imagining things. But one slip of the tongue of my best friend drove me into a marriage with the wrong guy – don’t under estimate your influence here. What she said to me sounded as if she had said, on a basis of a conversation they had: “I think he’s getting desperate enough to consider dating you” and she said it as if it was a good news… She didn’t use those exact words but reading between the lines… Have you ever heard anything more soul destroying from a friend?

Also, remind them of realities of simple real world… They may be reading a lot of sugar coated information about True Emotion Mirrors, and as nice as they are to read, very little of it is actually good for you to absorb. You may want to read around here a bit, because my information gives the down on planet earth version of all of this – it’s still amazing, but unfortunately not easy and guaranteed to work. Pink and lavender needs replacing with blood red and flaming orange shades as far as I’m concerned. 🙂

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