Narcissism according to the Normal Person* vs. The Savants*
the Normal Person* are dependent on other people and, thus, their approval. Their highest calling in life is to make their same-sex parent proud of them. They believe this to be true for all people. They believe in the unity of a group (usually a family) and hold the ideal of sameness – equality achieved by sameness.
the Savants* are independent thinkers and doers. Thus, they are not dependent on other people’s approval or acceptance. Their highest calling in life is to find a life long romance. They believe this to be true for all people. They believe in equality between all people, by equality of opportunity, not by outcome.
These differences make their definition of what “a narcissist” is the opposite of the other.
Narcissistic symptoms and their interpretation as per thinker type
Mayo Clinic lists symptoms of narcissism1 as follows. I will break them all down in the following chapter.
- Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.
- Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
- Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.
- Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
- Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
- Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.
- Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.
- Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
- Take advantage of others to get what they want.
- Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
- Be envious of others and believe others envy them.
- Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.
- Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office.
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They can:
- Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special recognition or treatment.
- Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.
- React with rage or contempt and try to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior.
- Have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior.
- Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.
- Withdraw from or avoid situations in which they might fail.
- Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection.
- Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure.
Break down
Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.
the Normal Person* may feel the Savants* have a high sense of self-importance simply by wanting to be something other than “a mom” or “a dad” growing up. They may interpret their wishes to join a band or run a business as “requirement of admiration.”
However, by the Cat Thinking definition, this means an actual constant prompting for admiration. “Aren’t I good at this? Look, I’m looking pretty, aren’t I?”
Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
the Normal Person* may feel that simply having a different personality than others and special needs such as asking to be treated with respect is a sign of narcissism in “desrving priviledges and special treatment.
the Savants* feel this has more to do with people who, for instance, go get service from any shop, and without having any real reason to be treated better than others, demand special treatment, discounts, and perks from complete strangers.
Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.
the Normal Person* may feel their family member is narcissistic if they ask their parents to recognize their talents or skills. (This also goes to “need of constant validation.”) However, a Savants* may need reassurance that they are as talented as they imagine – with full acceptance that they might not be; which is a non-narcissistic attitude in the matter.
the Savants* interpret this as narcissists demand being treated either equally with ACTUAL talented and achieved people because they’re a family member or a friend or a hang-around, and are insulted because fans don’t flock around them the same way as they do with the real artists. They will insist their “skills” and “talent” is being ignored because “people are mean and jealous” not because these talents are non-existing.
Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
No comment.
Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
the Normal Person* might feel ANYONE who wishes to be successful, powerful or brilliant, is a narcissist. By a Cat Thinking definition, however, the key word here is “preoccupied,” not “focussed” or “driven.” As in, sinking oneself on FANTASIES, not GOALS or actual action to make these things come true. In the light of my own topic, I criticized a lot of supposed Twin Flames for “staring at images of blue soul bubble people with dreamy doe eyes, focussing on the fantasy of Twin Flames,” rather than actually tackling the issues and problems that led to their separation.
Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.
This is a definitely the Normal Person* Thinking beef with the Savants*, and might I say, narcissistic in its origin. There ARE people who are superior in intelligence and thinking to other people. They CAN only be understood by equally intelligent people, and they STRONGLY PREFER the time and company of these people. THIS insults the Normal Person* Thinking ego, and to be insulted by this is, in itself, a narcissistic reaction. If the special people have fully accepted them as one of them, it’s not narcissistic to want to hang out with “special people.” (Would the special people miss that person if they weren’t there or be even relieved they’re gone?)
However, of course there is a narcissistic way and reason to demand “special people’s company.” The key to this is that they ARE NOT special, but wish to hang out with special people for clout and ego, believing that simply hanging out with special people makes them equally special.
Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.
I think both thinker types might interpret this the same way.
Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
This is definitely a Cat Thinking criticism for the Normal Person*. Some the Normal Person* believe that others enjoy serving them. Therefore, they expect this serving to be done without questions and with a smile.
Take advantage of others to get what they want.
To the Normal Person*, friendship and partnerships are a PERMISSION to take advantage. It is narcissistic if only ONE party has the right or opportunity to the advantage. A normal, balanced the Normal Person* wouldn’t enter a partnership where they cannot also provide advantage to their partner or friend, but a narcissistic the Normal Person* would, and call it “winning in life.”
Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
It is a sad fact that with different personalities comes a difficulty to recognize the needs and feelings of others. However, the WILLINGNESS is the keyword here. The Normal Person* can be very unwilling to recognize other’s needs or feelings, because differences make them nervous. They also may feel “duped” by smarter people than themselves when they claim they have needs or feelings the Normal Person* doesn’t recognize in themselves. They have a narcissistic instinct to believe they’re being manipulated.
Be envious of others and believe others envy them.
Simply narcissistic.
Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.
This is a dangerous distinction, because a lot of the things the Savants* do sound arrogant, braggy, and conceited to the Normal Person*. Basically just refusing to fall in line and acting THE SAME AS “EVERYONE ELSE” in the group by the Normal Person* Thinking standards meets this criteria.
Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office.
This is not directly narcissistic if the person can AFFORD the best themselves, but if it comes from SOMEONE ELSE’S POCKET, it is certainly narcissistic, and rather typical to the Normal Person* Thinking spouses and children. However, the Savants* ARE NOT IMPRESSED by material gifts. This can be interpreted by the Normal Person* (and the Normal Person* Thinking female traumatised men) that the mild reaction they get from their the Cat Thinking partner when presented with an expensive gift is a sign of “not being pleased by it” when in truth, the Savants* is not pleased with the idea that their love could be bought at all.
At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They can:
- Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special recognition or treatment.
- Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.
- React with rage or contempt and try to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior.
- Have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior.
- Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.
- Withdraw from or avoid situations in which they might fail.
- Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection.
- Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure.
I’d add a point to this list: narcissistic people can pretend shame, regret, or remorse, or seem “submitting” when criticised for their behavior especially, but once the situation passes, forget all about it.
To be fair, this list is about OVERT narcissism. Covert narcissism displays in different ways. Covert narcissists will try and fully pass for “a normal person” hiding all insecurities and differences that they feel are absolutely unforgivable in a person. Such a narcissist is definitely the Normal Person*.
What else do Dog/the Savants* consider narcissistic.
the Normal Person* want family unity and group unity through sameness above all else. Any refusal to partake in group activities is, to the Normal Person* a sign of narcissism or a sign of terrible insecurities. A narcissistic the Normal Person* makes a further definition in THEIR group activity, whatever THEY want to suggest MUST BE accepted as is by everyone, and refusal to do so, to them, is narcissistic.
the Normal Person* also can view the Cat Thinking requirement for NICE and RESPECTFUL treatment to be demanding “special treatment and constant validation.” They ignore the fact that is how the Savants* treat them; kindly and respectfully.
the Normal Person* may also feel that the Cat Thinking refusal to argue with them is “haughty” and “superior” and thus, narcissistic. They feel dismissed and devalidated. But wait, there’s more! An Savant*, who wishes to TALK THINGS THROUGH can be seen as “picking a fight” or “demanding constant attention or validation.”
As per March 21, 2024 ↩
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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