Narcissistic coping mechanisms: To never be offended or to be offended all the time.

A narcissist does not want to see themselves in a realistic light. They want to maintain a certain “don’t want to look at it” about it. They have two opposite methods of coping with this wish not to see themselves realistically: to avoid all criticism by not taking anything seriously or taking offense in everything (or their particular sore spots, which does apply to all of us, but a particular narcissist has basically nothing but “look at anything but the real me,”) and they attack you if you see something that they think is truthful about them.

A true narcissist believes EVERYTHING they truly are is wrong, whether others think that or not. Therefore, whenever you point out something that they think is true, they can attack you for seeing it. They can also protect themselves by pretending you are criticizing them when you’re not, and as such, they avoid the necessity to look at themselves for themselves, as they focus on being offended rather than self-reflective.

Another way to avoid looking at oneself is to ignore what everyone is saying as unimportant or believe somehow it is ALL a compliment: envy, jealousy, fear of them, or genuine admiration and wish to be just like them, whether it is that or not. (Therefore, truly admired people often struggle with being admired “by everybody” and being aware that they cannot find people who critique them, making them fear they’re narcissistic when they’re truly not. This is why it is important to help admired people see themselves in a realistic right, not to praise them for the sake of praising any more than to criticize them for the sake of criticizing them, because they KNOW people do that to keep them “grounded” or to appear “fearless” or “equal” or even “superior.”)

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