Narcissist’s relationship to feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrasment

At the core of narcissistic personality disorder, is the complete inability to cope with feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. They also feel shame for not being perfect or at least for not being the least flawed one they know. This means, that they never admit to being guilty of doing something, and will avoid taking responsibility for even glaring mistakes they’ve made. To be a narcissist is to be constantly dodging and avoiding guilt, shame, and embarrassment, and trying to push those feelings onto others, even without a good reason for doing so.

Never admits to a flaw

A narcissist will NEVER admit to a flaw, so if you admit to being flawed, they will forever hang onto YOUR failures to be a proof that THEY are not the one who is flawed. They believe in two (three) kinds of people (that are the Cat Type Thinkers and the Dog Type Thinker, yes, but their interpretation is different); perfect people and imperfect people (and insignificant, meaningless people). They do believe the perfect people are faking it just like they, themselves are, but that they are acing the fake. They admire “the perfect people” for doing such a good job at faking it, rather than whatever would be realistic.

They also HATE IT when someone who isn’t perfect is being admired. They can’t stand imperfect leaders – aka. people who openly admit to a flaw or error, or mistake, which, obviously, to a person with a healthy mind is a sign of a healthy ability to self-assess and take responsibility of one’s actions.

A perfectionist CANNOT be a narcissist

Interestingly enough, it is IMPOSSIBLE for a perfectionist to be a narcissist. This is because in order for a person to reach any humanly achievable level of perfection, they need to be able to pinpoint THEIR OWN FLAWS in order to fix them. A narcissist can never do this. They dodge their own flaws, pretend they’re not there, and demand others to blind themselves to those flaws as well. This makes it so that a narcissist can only PRETEND to be a perfectionist, but more than likely won’t convince one single soul of their excellence.

NOBODY likes feeling guilt, shame, or embarrassment

It is also important to realize that NOBODY likes feeling guilt, shame, or embarrassment. These are the punishments we feel for not treating others well, or not behaving in an admirable way in a group of people. It is a natural kickback for bad behavior, administered semi-automatically by the person themselves or, if the response is flawed or slow, by other people. A normal person wants to avoid guilt, shame, or embarrassment by acting in a way that they don’t HAVE TO feel those feelings. In other words, they try to treat everyone with respect, kindness, care, and responsibility, and they try to carry themselves in a way that doesn’t put them in embarrassing situations. That’s what healthy people do.

Narcissists can even deliberately do shameful things in order to train themselves to not feel those feelings at all. Once achieved, they will turn into a psychopath. A normal person would achieve the same result of not feeling these negative feelings by mastering their life skills to the level where they do not step on other people’s toes, and they don’t embarrass themselves in front of other people.

We all hurt others at times,

A healthy person knows nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Therefore, they are vigilant toward their own ability to hurt others, whereas a narcissist can even thrive toward being more hurtful toward others because that makes them feel powerful and “better” than others; the one who has THE RIGHT to hurt others without them leaving them. In their world, there are those who have the right to hurt others and those who serve those who have the right to hurt others.

“I don’t care who I’ve hurt” = narcissistic. “I’m sure I’ve hurt people in the past, but I try not to do so unjustly.” = healthy.

In the real world, we all have hurt other people. It is inevitable. Deciding to hurt someone’s feelings is not always malicious, it’s just that at times, we have to hurt others in order to get on with life. A healthy person will try to minimize the hurt, shame, and embarrassment they’re going to cause another person, for instance, during a divorce or a breakup. A narcissist cannot cope with a breakup when they are the one who is being left, as they don’t understand why anyone would leave “a perfect” person, so they feel like if someone has dumped them, they’re calling them out as “a not perfect person”. This, even if they’ve been nothing but abusive toward the other person; as their logic says perfect people get to be abusive toward others.

Healthy coping mechanism: nobody is perfect, nor do you have to be

Healthy people understand that nobody is perfect, nor does anybody have to be; but everybody has to TRY THEIR HARDEST not to needlessly hurt other people. A healthy person understands that there is a balance to attain, between protecting one’s own rights and trying to not hurt other people. And that while we might wish to be perfect, it is not truly a humanly achievable goal – and a perfectionist thrives there regardless, partly because it’s fun and challenging to, NOT in order to gain powers toward other people.

Nearing perfection WON’T stop narcissists from treating a perfectionist as if they were a narcissist. MIND YOU, that successful people get treated as if they were narcissists by narcissists, and you can safely ignore about 80% of rumors regarding a successful person’s narcissism based on what their staff ASSUMES is happening. For instance, throwing this in there: I don’t know but I feel it i perfectly plausible, that a lot of “casting couch” incidences are the staff telling a young actress to “do anything that Mr. So-and-so says, and if you want to gain a little head-start, show a little cleavage”, and Mr. So-and-so being completely oblivious to the fact the reason all of his actresses are hitting on him is because his staff believes successful men are narcissistic abusers and act accordingly.

Preferring staff that is willing to do ANYTHING for you tempts narcissists

There are two sides to the narcissistic coin; the narcissists who dominate and the narcissists who submit. Still, not everyone who dominates is a narcissist, nor is everyone who submits a narcissist, but in the world of narcissists, both exist and MUST exist. In other words, in the world of narcissists, there are those who humiliate and then there are those who are humiliated. The higher and more indisputable a person’s power, the more automatically a narcissist will submit to that person.

A narcissist will do ANYTHING for the dominant narcissist, and they also expect the dominant to be abusive. The the Dog Type Thinker thinker type is actually a covert way of calling someone a narcissist. In fact, narcissists cope relatively well together, it’s just that they are all insecure to the core, so they are drawn to powerful the Cat Type Thinkers whose self-esteem is based on true skills and competence rather than lies told to oneself. A narcissist is not going to believe that confidence to be real, but wants the Cat Type Thinkers to teach them how to fake self-confidence and competence to that degree. Thus, they are willing to do anything for the mentorship of a highly successful person, making it so, that artists and successful people are not truly narcissistic themselves, but are easily surrounded by a slew of them.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message