Narcissists use psychology and religion to control healthy people

Beware, that a part of the narcissistic toolbox of control is psychology, spirituality, and religion, that can be used to manipulate others into believing they are either mentally ill or bad people. We all have some aspects of ourselves that are not necessarily 100% healthy; it is UNUSUAL that a person is completely clear of traumas and hangups, we’ve lived too many lifetimes to not have ANYTHING wrong with us. A narcissist believes that whatever hangups they have is PERFECTLY NORMAL, but whatever makes you think you’re free of their control must be a psychological or spiritual problem. They try to HELP YOU serve their needs better, and they use psychology and spirituality to obligate and motivate you to do so.

They may also use your own ideals against you in the same manner. If you believe you’re a good person, they can always manipulate the definition of a good person to serve their own needs and end goals. “You can’t leave me; that would be the wrong thing to do. You’re not that kind of a man. You’re a good man. You are responsible for me, and I know you’ll keep it.” You like the praise and agree this is true about you. You’re a good, reliable man, relationships are difficult, and you should just grin and bare the hardships. Five minutes later, she’s berating you for being a horrible person, unreliable, good for nothing…

Control and abuse mandated by religion and psychology

A narcissist wants unconditional, complete love but only gives it in words of “of course, I love you unconditionally” which means “I’m always willing to continue abusing you, whenever you are ready, even if you did the wrong thing and tried to leave me or stop me from controlling and abusing you.” Religions are especially good at mandating unconditional love from other people. “You are not thy brother’s keeper, just make sure YOU are loving ME unconditionally, don’t worry about my soul!”

A narcissist wants to twist all and any spiritual and religious texts to mean you owe them unconditional love and care while they do not need to reciprocate. They want you to believe that if they don’t love you despite your flaws, that’s natural, but you’re flawed if you can’t love them despite their flaws. They believe they are good at relationships (because they invent the rules that suit them) and that you don’t know relationship rules if your idea of a perfect relationship differs from theirs.

Psychology and religion are written under the narcissistic impression.

I have to say, A LOT OF psychological relationship advice, and most of Christianity, is written either by narcissists or under the influence of narcissistic abuse. (“I/women/men rule you/men/women serve. Don’t listen to ney-sayers. Relationships work only when you submit to strict gender roles and traditions,” depending on who’s preaching. Jordan Peterson, by the way, is under a narcissistic impression of how relationships work, but I do not think he’s a narcissist himself. People react negatively to his opinions, as they know where they potentially lead. Still, people who love Peterson see the good heart and ignore the parts they don’t agree with as they stink of narcissism.) (I mention Christianity because it’s my birth religion, and I know it better than other religions. That doesn’t exempt other religions from it.)

Narcissists hate freedom of thought and individualistic freedom of choice and decisions. Such things are uncontrollable and make narcissists feel uneasy. Therefore, they always turn psychology and spirituality into a tool of control, no matter if the philosophy might be called Free Spirit Theory for maximum liberation. (They twist it into: “Free spirits are waiting to be controlled by other free spirits to create balance and harmony,” which is absolutely not the point of my teachings. I actually say: “We live in a state of anarchy, always have and always will. We are all free spirits, limited only by other free spirits.” That is simply describing the landscape and pointing out that each individual has the freedom of choice and that abusive behavior is possible due to this freedom. To a narcissist, it sounds like a description of the problem: everybody is free to choose, and that’s a bad thing that must be beaten into submission and order. They also believe that freedom of choice also automatically means “willingness to hurt and abuse others” because that’s how they think: “If I have the freedom to, I will hurt others. Why wouldn’t everybody?” A healthy individual sees freedom of choice to include things that don’t hurt other people, and that bad people try to limit others from making free choices unnecessarily; that they try to stop you from doing things that won’t hurt anybody, “because god said so.”)

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