New view on Narcissistic personality disorder and it’s phases

I apologise for slight off topic, but this is also very important for anyone who sees themselves as an Ancient Soul or an Enigma. Ancient Souls are often mistaken for a narcissist, as I wrote in a previous post, but I’d like to, in this post make a difference between a healthy Narcissistic phase and a full blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which I think are easy to confuse.

I compare narcissism to an empty house. Complete lack of narcissism would equate to no house at all, a tent or some dwelling of some sort, but certainly nothing flashy. Now, narcissism is a reaction to inner perfectionism; need to grow and be better than what you are now. This, to me, is not a sign of a problem, until it starts to cause the person THEMSELVES anxiety, but it often ends up causing anxiety in outsiders, in which case they are the one with a problem they should address. A narcissist is a person who has a big empty house with no content in it. Their first concern isn’t what they need to store, protect or grow inside the house, their first concern is to make the house LOOK like a looot of things were happening in it. They only want you to THINK there’s a lot going on, but they don’t really even know what to do with all of it. The wind is blowing inside empty hallways.

A person with a big house is often mistaken for a narcissist even though their house is full of great stuff, it’s alive, it’s up to it’s rafters with love, wisdom, life, bookshelves, beds, with a fire going in the fire place, kitchen stocked with food that actually gets cooked – you get the idea. This house is big because they need the space! They know what to do with it!

Sometimes people with life like this don’t have time to focus on the exterior, they simply extend the house as is needed, hastily as they can, with whatever they can get their hands into, and basically they have no or little time to concern themselves with such things as what do people think of us, and they trust others to be able to judge them for their true merit and character, not by what the house looks like. They may also refuse to build a facade for image reasons; to appear humble although they have a lot to back up the flashy facade – but let’s not complicate this further.

Narcissistic outbursts may occur for two reasons, only one of which is a sign of actual disorder: One is that you are not getting the credit that you deserve because your house exterior isn’t built up to the standard the interior would require for the house to look right. People don’t realise the person actually has what it takes because there’s no facade in there, so they get frustrated and start screaming for attention that they deserve, but they simply don’t realise that they should build up the house exterior to match the interior, because people who don’t understand what they are about cannot understand the difference without the build-up. It is the saddest thing when a person like this gets labelled a narcissist, because they are then beaten down even further and told they should not worry what other people think – perhaps so, but they deserve to be thought highly off, and that’s when they need to start focusing on the exterior of their personality.

The other reason for narcissistic outburst is the fear that you are not even there. You start building a massive house so that you would have a space to call your own, that you would have an identity. This kind of a person doesn’t even know what the house is used for, but they know that all good people have one. This is the when it truly turns into a disorder. The person builds a fancy exterior; they go to parties ALL THE TIME, they have hobbies, they do yoga, they have friends, they have a loving family, thriving career to be proud of, anything to prove they are really there – but they’re not. They are like a whirl wind around an empty core. Even relaxation becomes an event. It has to be done at a resort with servants and they’ll sit on their banana lounge wondering if people know now that they are relaxing because they normally work hard! Sitting down alone for something that nobody else can witness just for the sake of doing it would be a futile thing to do; why would you want to do something for your own amusement if there’s nobody to witness you doing it?

A narcissistic phase would be a time in a person’s life when they know they have grown out of their house. They can no longer keep going in the small space that they’ve got, and they have to build more space for themselves. That is when to an outsider it looks as if they are behaving oddly, they are starting to promote what they are doing in a way that they didn’t do before. This is the time when a previously loyal worker or a small business owner starts to strut their stuff a bit more than what they used to. They are starting to be more vocal about what they do, why it’s important and why they do it better than others. They are building a new room into their house, and that build up phase can sound like empty bragging because people around them aren’t used to seeing that room being there. Once things settle and people have accepted the new add-on to the old person, they settle back down and they keep working as the person the bigger house was meant for. What others might see as narcissism, is simply a phase during which the person retrains the people surrounding him on how they should be seen from now on.

Another type of narcissistic phase is when people over-evaluate their new role and do a little too big of an expansion, and to counterbalance that embarrassment of noticing they don’t know what to do with all this space they built in, (new job for example) they fill up the space with big talk and bold claims. This is not the full blown narcissistic disorder, but they do need to scale to the building, or scale back the building – which ever way they want to do it. They are quite capable of doing so, because they have actually moved into their house, unlike the type of a narcissist to whom the house is merely a decoration.

How’s your house?

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