On your social media, never speak to your (full) enemies directly

Times are changing. Times HAVE changed. We are all potential broadcasters if we are not broadcasters. (One-to-many.) This means, that you cannot directly control who listens to your message, and who responds to it. You will be talking about things you wouldn’t normally entrust with everyone. You try to speak to your friends, but a whole lot of people who you don’t want to deal with log in, listen to your stuff, then attack you based on their own views. Then, you wonder why they even watch. Let me tell you why they watch if they hate you so much.

Many people hate you because you don’t love them

The number one reason for people to hate you is simply that you don’t love them. They tuned in because they liked something about you. They were seeking to make friends with you, to admire you, even to put you on a pedestal. Then, you said something that they felt was against them, and it’s easy enough to do. You know when you watch someone else’s content, and they make a reference to “people like you”, it freaking STINGS even if you had a high self-confidence and you’d KNOW face to face, they would never say this to you.

This is why social media is such a spikey friend to have. In MANY cases, people are more honest on social media than what they would be in person. This is DEVASTATING to those people who are always handled with care by others, and all of the sudden, they’re exposed to THE REAL YOU, to your REAL opinions, that no longer pander to them, and do not reflect your friend’s idea of who you are… With them.

We all play a certain role in our social circles

When we are out in the world, we don’t filter the people who we interact with any more than we can do on social media. But what we CAN DO, is to alter the way we speak in the presence of each person. We soften our views on the person and their opinions to their face, because we don’t want to offend them, cause drama, or be disagreeable.

On social media, all this goes away. All of the sudden, you’ve got the whole world in your hands, and it doesn’t MATTER who doesn’t like you. You can always count on the support of Paul if Peter doesn’t like you. And that’s what you want, too. You want to disinfect your social circles. You want to find your friends. But we are still struggling to figure out how to use this power in our fingertips so that we don’t get burned as a result.

It’s easy enough to be likable on social media if you’re truly a bland person in reality

Social media is AWESOME for people who are TRULY non-confrontational, truly not very opinionated, not socially concerned (!!!), and someone to whom BEING LIKED is of the most important thing. If you’re willing and able to alter your personality to what most people love and like, you’re good to go.

However, the people who struggle are the ones who are SUPER admired by other people, but who don’t TRULY love everyone as much as we are semi-forced to pretend to like. We cannot go to our cousin’s wedding and start talking about shit we truly care about without causing a massive scene, but the people there think deep down, you’re like everyone else (albeit you look flashy in comparison to everyone else). To a normal person, your looks reflect nothing more than a weird taste in clothes… (Or a need for a wife to sort your wardrobe out…. Or your wife’s incompetence in sorting out your wardrobe.)

As a collective, good-looking, talented people fall into the same category. “My cousin Paul doesn’t say those things although he’s good looking, too, and wears the kind of stuff you wear. He’s a nice person, why do you have to speak that way about people?”

NEVER address your non-friends let alone your enemies directly in public

Whenever you face controversy and criticism in social media, which you will, or have, from now on, never call out your enemy directly. Speak ABOUT THEM, to your friends. Exclude them from your conversation, and direct your message to your friends instead. Explain the situation to YOUR FRIENDS, not your accusers or cancellers. They have their own agenda and it has nothing to do with what will benefit you in the future. Don’t address them directly, speak about them to who matters to you.

Only ever direct your message to people whose opinion matters to you and who you want to make friends with. If someone you admire on social media has expressed a negative view on you, post a direct response, and create as much drama as you want, but NEVER NEVER NEVER address people who you don’t want to make friends with, in the end, as IF YOU DO, you are kind of duty-bound to get on the same page and then make friends with that person, whether you like them or not… Just to make peace and keep the peace. Do not address that person. Let them hate on you, you don’t have to IGNORE THEM, you CAN talk about them, too, but you can’t address them directly without obligating yourself to a friendship if you get onto the same page with them later.

Examples

NO: “Coach Peter, I saw your video about me, and I’m here to set the records straight with you.”

YES: “Friends, I know some of you have seen Coach Peter’s video about me, and I’d like to explain what I think is going on.” Even if Coach Peter writes a comment or responds with a video/post, keep targeting your friends; “Friends, Coach Peter sent another video about me. I must reassure you that the thing he said about… is not true.” ONLY react to things you don’t want your true friends or followers to think about you. Correct lies, explain accusations, but NEVER respond to this person/group directly in public, or in private. If you must respond to them directly, use a lawyer if you can. If they’re not raising a legal matter, you don’t have to respond to them.

Make it clear you don’t owe them an explanation because they are not your friends. I know it will sound childish, but do this for your own good… And explain to your fans why you’re not responding to any controversy directly, as they’ll wonder. Refer to this post if you like.

Do this childish thing on your social media

This will sound a bit like that childish thing that people do when they’re mad at someone:

You: “Please tell Peter that he needs to leave.”

Third-party: “He’s right there, tell him yourself.”

You: “I can’t see anyone.”

Only, don’t use the “tell Peter” approach, just tell your friendly followers and people whose opinion you care about what’s going on. This will send a clearer message still: “I don’t even care to let you know, as your opinion about me, to me, is irrelevant.” Childish, maybe, but in this climate, when people still think everyone should like everyone (and are very very offended when they don’t) we must start clearing our palette a bit and learn to force people into looking in the mirror: “they don’t like me, why? They don’t consider me a friend/worth talking to, why?”

This will also stop a lot of people from pining after you and hoping one day, your friendship grows from almost to real. “Because of your trust issues caused by the fact everyone around you is always taking advantage of you you’re cautious and reserved… Because everyone in the public eye just uses people… But not me. I’m real, you just don’t know it yet, because you’re used to pretty people and posers and you think everyone is like that.”

When someone opposes you with an idea, they’re not necessarily an enemy

Having differing points of view doesn’t really make anyone into an enemy, does it? However, there are people who NEEDLESSLY oppose you just for the sake of causing friction. Sometimes, you feel too tempted to not comment, but here are some strategies you might employ.

If you expect fewer than 100 replies to a post (because you’re not a superstar) you might want to address each KNOWN objection with ONE comment each, directly to a commenter. If the same objection repeats, write ONE post to address that in the MAIN thread (or a new post if possible), and do not comment to a commenter directly.

You may want to answer some “dig” comments with a sense of humor to diffuse the situation and to make a point that you’re not taking fight-invites to heart, but don’t come back for more unless the thread turns GENUINELY funny and entertaining.

Walk away unless you intend to take over the throne

Remember that when you suggest something that is not in fashion/flavor/currently a popular standpoint, many people fear you’re trying to force them into following you regardless of what they want. You have two options: let them go and not bug them at all, OR do not back down and DO force them to conform to your will (or perish). IF you start arguing your point, have the carry-through to ram your opinion all the way home no matter what it takes. Otherwise, don’t even start. Don’t go in there trying to convince people TOO MUCH that you’re not there to tell anyone what to do or what not, while trying to explain why you do what you do as it sounds like you’re trying to tell them your way is not only working for you but that THEY should also do what you do because you’re better than them.

Walk away from those, you may tell them: “you know what, that’s what I like doing, you do whatever you wish to do.” Also, know that some people are looking for a leader who WILL force them into whatever you want to do, and if you’re not the kind of person who wants to boss people around, don’t boss people around in order to push them away. You’ll NEVER push hard enough to make these people go away, as they see it as a challenge YOU are giving them – if they persist, you’ll respect them, right? Therefore, don’t engage unless you’re willing to show them who’s the boss and then take them under your wing if you win.

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