One of those points of growth and healing: you’ll stop TRYING to LOOK balanced or healthy.

There are certain behaviors and attitudes that are generally considered “unhinged,” “unbalanced,” “pathological,” or simply “childish.” It is always one way to control another person’s behavior is to try and unnerve them by saying their behavior is something along those lines, “not healthy” or “not mature.” One of the ways people will mature over time is to stop giving a hoot what things look like, even if what they are doing would be generally speaking considered something “not quite right.”

It is a sign of a personality disorder, namely narcissism, to let people’s opinions of you alter the behavior that makes you happy. The only metric in health is are you happy? Does this behavior work for you? Are you happier this way than another way?

It is also a trap to first have to fight for the right to do one thing, then, when people finally give up, after a while you may change your mind but then decide that for the sake of appearance, you hold onto a behavior that no longer serves you, although it honestly did before. (There’s a high danger in fighting for one’s gay rights for the sake of them and then realizing you’re bi or, worse yet, straight…) This is why it’s never a good idea to fight people’s wishes and dreams because you force them to stick with something that winds up not working for them. So even if you were right, you have to let people try, or they’ll have to stick to their guns after they realize it wasn’t for them, and you were right…

Relationships and balancing one’s own ego (the idea of self) is not simple. Allowing yourself to be all that you need to be in order to be happy is a complicated process. It’s a tempting process and maybe a worthy one, but it is complicated. It’s a swamp here, a bog there sort of situation often. You allow yourself one thing and deny another as a consequence. Still, you have to prioritize things the best you can. Is your reputation worth more or less than, for example? If your only friends in life are currently Trail Companions*, maybe you have to play along a little more than a person who has got True Emotion Mirrors and Precious Soulmates in their life. Then again, pandering to your Partial Value Mirror friends got you into this mess to start with.

At any rate. Keep an eye on yourself. When are you choosing a lifestyle for the image of it, and when is it a genuine choice? Health, vitality, balance, evolution, spirituality, meditation, religion… All of those things can be a ego trap, too. Just because it looks great, doesn’t mean it actually is what you authentically want and need in your life.

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