Past life memory: True Emotion Mirror madness

Writing my last post, I suddenly get a past life regression experience with a True Emotion Mirror of mine, “Anthony”. In the memory, I am sitting in a drawing room in Southern USA, Victorian era, before the Civil War. It is one of those Sunday afternoons when a lot of people are gathered for a lazy chat, and my home is now where everyone is invited to. Me and my friend are sitting to the side of the room, on chairs, with our skirts carefully folded – but without crinolines as this was not a party, but a simple gathering where wearing crinolines would have made things too difficult. A man walks in and my eyes are drawn to him, but immediately I feel utter terror about looking at him in the eye. I know I should greet him as any other guest, but instead I pretend not to notice, and as my heart rate shoots up, I’m clutching onto the arms of the chair in panic. He is handsome and his energy so strong, that I don’t have to look at him to know where he is, but I don’t feel love but I feel simple panic and confusion. As the etiquette dictates, he has to walk to me to greet us both, and blushing and batting my eyes I try to act normal, but I am so flustered I can barely take a glance at him as I want him away from me as soon as possible. This room isn’t big enough for the both of us, and I simply want him away from me. As I am taken to the regression, I act out every moment as if in a movie scene.

He seems amused at my reaction, but I don’t know how much so, because I can’t bare to look at him for longer than a second at a time. He is talking to me but I don’t know what he’s saying and I just want him to greet my friend and stop the pain of the pleasantries I am forced to endure. He greets my friend who looks at me worried – it was not long after I declared my undying love for another man, one that she was set to marry, and this just caught me off guard! I don’t feel love for him, but passion that I block out with utter terror. I felt feelings I wasn’t supposed to, since I promised to love another man despite his engagement to my friend… I am not so much in panic about him as I am panicking that someone might see my turmoil, because cool and collected is the way a lady is supposed to behave. If only I could look at him for a second, they wouldn’t know what is happening. Luckily, the elders around the dinner table set with tea and scones aren’t too concerned about me as they are entangled with their discussions. This man joins them, steady on his feet, charming and humorous, although I can only look at him from neck down, I can hear his voice over all the others although I can’t tell what he’s saying. I am avoiding looking at him at all cost, as I am trying to avoid his eyes and my friend’s questions, I am looking far to my right, intently as if there was something curious in the corner, although the only interesting thing about the corner is that there’s nobody in it to see my turmoil. Eventually I hurry to explain to my friend that I need some air and rush out of the room and out the door to the garden, where I find a lonesome spot and kneel down to breathe. It’s like having an attack of some kind, but I know it has to do with him, not my health. I try to regain myself so I could walk back into that room, but even the thought is enough to send me into another fit. He will be in it! Every time I think of him, I have to look away from my memory of him, as if just thinking of him would make him feel it!

To my horror, I see him leaping over the lawn towards me. I get up to look more respectable and start backing away from him as he approaches. I try to keep calm, but I can’t stand the thought of him near me. I break every rule of decorum in one day! He laughs at me, and teases me about having a reputation of being a heart breaker, but he can’t see but a blushing little girl. I hate him but I see the humour in what he’s saying at the same time as I want him as far as I can throw him! Away from me! I still can’t look at him, but I’m backing away and actually telling him to keep away from me. When he finally laughs and says “Ok I’ll go!” I surprise myself by shouting out loud “no!!” telling him not to go… The thought of him leaving, is, if possible, even more painful than the thought of him staying! He laughs and asks me what it is exactly that I want him to do. I tell him to stay back, starting to see the humour in it too, to not come too close but, heaven forbid, don’t go back inside! (What will people think if they come out to check up on me?) He starts talking to me calmly, as I try to regain my composure and collect enough courage to look him in the eye. He takes a step closer, I take a step back, and forbid him from following me. He laughs at me, which I find comforting, and eventually he manages to come closer. I allow him to step near me – like he was taming a wild horse – and he puts his arm around my waist, carefully so that I don’t run off again. As I lean towards him, just a little, someone walks in on us and cursing him in my mind I step away from him again. He sees the state I’m in and demands, like a gallant southerner should, whether he had offended me in some way. I hurry to explain he said nothing, did nothing to offend me, but I cannot still look at him directly, nor my protector, and I simply want everyone to stop asking me questions and I want him away from me as much as I can’t bare the thought of him actually going. Baffled, I allow my protector to take me inside as others join to see what the commotion is about. They order Anthony on his horse and take me back to the drawing room with a thousand of questions I don’t know the answer to. “I can’t explain it, it’s nothing he said or did, he was a perfect gentleman – no he didn’t touch me apart from what I allowed…” I simply didn’t know what happened. Someone retorted he must be the devil himself for putting me in such a state, and that notion lingered on over our heads for the rest of the life we shared… They asked me if I wanted to marry him since he had touched me inappropriately (the timid hug) and I retorted: “Marry him?! Don’t be a fool!” I wanted to remark that I can’t even be in the same room with him, let alone share a bed, but kept that to myself.

Later, I sat in my room trying to make sense of it, when my friend joined me with another thousand questions. Calming down as I felt him going away, and panicking about maybe never seeing him again, I kept asking where did he go and at the same time wringing my hands about it all… I told my friend that I think I fell in love, but I’m not sure as I want him as far as the pepper grows, but I can’t decide one way or another. We started laughing about it all because neither one of us had expected it to be possible for me to react to a man like that. I had tons of suitors and this was the first time I was caught off guard although one of them had taken my heart. She left me in peace and I decided to write a letter of apology to him, to apologise my behaviour and to welcome him back into our house anytime he wanted to stop by. He got the letter with a greeting from a family friend, that should he ever show his face in my home again – I don’t care what her letter says – he’d shoot him on the spot.

We ended up together in that life time… We were madly in love… Madly being the key word here, but our lives were far from peaceful. Too many other soulmates around, and their existence wounded Anthony to the core, so that when we met in this life, he was the one who ran a mile…

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