People love giving and receiving pain from their loved ones
Pretty much all people enjoy some kind of pain in their lives. They often like to link it to some feeling of love, too. Some like emotional pain, some like physical pain (particularly when combined with sex). Some love the feeling of self-sacrificing for love. It is rare that a human being tolerates pure happiness and joy alone. It needs a side dish of pain… But in what form, is very individual.
This love of pain is actually the reason why incompatible partners stay together. This decision may not be mutual, but the person who loves the pain of being tied to a person they don’t really like don’t understand the other person’s need to call it quits. Therefore, they blackmail, guilt, manipulate, and insist the situation must go on because they feel the pleasure of being forced into a relationship so delicious they want to give it to their partner.
The Elder Souls* and the Young Soul* love of pain
The Elder Souls* hate being locked into a relationship and usually enjoy some form of sexual pain, or the pain of having to share a partner or other variation. The Young Soul* enjoy the pain of being in a relationship they hate. This is a REAL conflict because the only person feeling pleasure in this unit is the Young Soul*. They also think the Elder Souls*’s suffering is a type of role play, emphasizing how much they love the Young Soul* – after all, they are staying with them.
Different sources of pleasure and what’s the rationale
Being “forced” into a relationship
Some people feel pleasure for being “forced” into a relationship by some form of blackmail like “having made a girl pregnant”. (Some men seem to “have an accident” to make a woman want to use that baby to get them into a relationship, much more rarely than the reverse tho.)
This pleasure stems from a low self-esteem that gets stroked when someone wants them so much that they ‘force’ the issue of a relationship. Many men suffer from this, for men are always being told they’re no good, therefore, for a woman to actually want them enough as to force the issue is balm to their wounds.
Antidote for karmic soulmates
Should a karmic soulmate have it in their head that you are somehow forcing them into a relationship with them… Such as, without you ever saying such a thing, insisting that you want them in the relationship because “you had an accident baby”. You may want to start forcing the issue. Tell them that they are obligated, make them perform to your standard, and explain it to be because they “owe you”. It should clear the fantasy and make them see how unpleasant it would be to actually be in that situation.
To save your own face, tell them that you haven’t forced them into anything, but if that fantasy is so pleasurable to them, you might just do that. Announcing your plans won’t make the effect less, it will only make them feel like a fool like you want.
“Sacrificing” oneself for others
This is the usual mother fantasy. They emphasize how they bled during childbirth, how they suffered, how they are sacrificing for their children… This is to emphasize their love for their children but is often enough to drive them mad, and make them feel a burden, not “loved”.
Antidote for karmic soulmates
If a person keeps emphasizing how they “sacrifice” for you constantly, announce to them that you are NOT asking anything from them, but because they like the fantasy so much, you can certainly play along. Then, ask them for things that you know they are not willing to give you, and then, point out how they are not willing to truly sacrifice themselves for anyone, but that it is all just talk.
You can also point out how none of their sacrifices are actually real, or something that every mother hasn’t had to do for their child (assuming this is your mother). Point out that the sacrifices THEY say are making, are more often than not them requiring a sacrifice from the child, not the other way around. For a greater impact, do this in front of guests who are present when your mother declares their sacrifice.
“Being tamed” by love
Some people go through the dance of rebellion before marriage to have someone “tame them” for it. The tamers often tend to also want to be tamed and to make accommodations for their intended. They may want a complete personality change from their loved one and also be ready to completely transform their personality, too. (Watch Grease, kids.)
Antidote for karmic soulmates
If someone is hanging onto you trying to “tame you” against your will, interpreting your authentic non-conformity (the Elder Souls*) for “a show” rebellion, you’re in a world of trouble. Nothing you do will quite get them. The best idea is to ask a friend to pose for a girlfriend or a boyfriend for enough to make your admirer believe you are engaged. For this time, dress like a square, as in, dress as if you were “ready for marriage”. Also, ignore that person during this entire time until they stop harassing you. DON’T tell them you are getting married, let them make their assumptions on their own. Hopefully, your admirer gets the message and goes away.
If they see you after your fake relationship is over, back in your own gear, if they now resume their wooing, tell them that you tried to make them see that you are not interested in marrying them by putting on that ridiculous show.
“Being forced” into sex
This is somewhat a dangerous love of pain, and rare to receive, too, for obvious reasons. In this, the victim feels “irresistible” to their “captor”. The best sign of a willing victim is faint, somewhat short-lived smiles, rather than a shaking, crying, a sobbing woman (or, indeed, a man). Unfortunately, like with all of these games, the victim pretends to hate it to some degree.
The allure of this, from the “victim’s” point of view, is the shamelessness and his dominance. He makes her feel like a real woman.
Also be aware of fear. Fear of being raped and the fear of your “rapist” stopping before they start manifests in an almost identical way. Both the “OMG don’t stop” woman and the “OMG if I resist he’ll just get more excited” woman freeze when he touches her inappropriately. Of course, you would have to be pretty damned sure, to begin with, that your approach is wanted, but if you want to make sure that you are absolutely welcome when she freezes, pull away for a moment. If she escapes, you know she didn’t want it, if she stays, she wants you to keep going.
Of course, the absolute best approach is to not try this, because the room for a MASSIVE misinterpretation is always there. Even if you stop as soon as you understand she didn’t want it, there’s a world of pain coming your way if she decides to make it so.
Antidote for karmic soulmates
There are always going to be situations where men and women misinterpret each other for a reason or another. Many men convicted of rapes were probably surprised their advances weren’t welcome. So. To make sure you know what to do, here’s something you need to know:
If you happen to be mistaken for a willing victim, the first thing to do, of course, is to fight, for real, no play fight but a real fight. Kick the groin if you don’t get away in any other way. Bite, fight, make it so unpleasurable, that a man who isn’t seriously going to rape you will back off. The likelihood of a man of normal intelligence to try to actually rape you are low. He’s heard the message. Only a man with a low IQ may strongly believe you are pretending (and ALL women are pretending) not to want to get raped, so he’ll find it difficult to believe you’re not enjoying yourself.
A good sign of a willing victim is a woman who often stays behind with you, gives you an opportunity after opportunity and flirts with you, too. Unfortunately, a man with a low IQ may find it difficult to tell friendliness apart from flirt. Low IQ people respond to simple messages: “No, don’t!” (Like spoken to a dog, do not plead, command!) A pleading voice maybe misinterpreted as play, but a clear, commanding, humorless, and threatening “NO” will be impossible to misinterpret.
Loving physical pain during sex
A cousin to the above, some people notoriously love pain during sex. This usually goes both ways. This also works after the relationship has matured, while the above is kind of fun only while the relationship hasn’t really started yet.
Antidote for karmic soulmates
If your boyfriend or girlfriend loves giving you pain and you have let them for a little too long before telling them, the best way to deal with it is to just tell them. If you’ve led them on and to let them think you wanted this in order to preserve the relationship, you have two options, to keep pretending or to end the relationship.
The love of giving and receiving pain during sex is so common and popular, that people rarely feel the need to hang onto a person who doesn’t want it, so retaliation is not something you should fear.
When you tell a person you don’t like pain, use a commanding, non-flirty tone. Try to sound as serious as you can, without accidentally putting humor into your voice. Try to sound as much as a news reader or a dog trainer as you possibly can. Be cold and distant when you say it. You may feel too much like a victim who cannot make him stop to sound convincing, but try to at least pretend for as long as it takes for you to deliver the message.
If they don’t stop after you’ve clearly told them you don’t want it, call the cops and end the relationship forcefully.
“Suffering” for one’s children/family
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for one’s God
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for a loss of a loved one
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for the jealousy for a successful loved/envied one
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for the loss of status/having to share a lover
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for excess of attention
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for being cheated on
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for being dominated/humiliated
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for having “too much” wealth
Antidote for karmic soulmates
“Suffering” for having an illness or a disease
Antidote for karmic soulmates
General love of drama
Antidote for karmic soulmates
The Sadists
Enjoyment of being able to treat the other person like crap without them leaving
This should be a to-and-fro. Unfortunately, this often turns into a playful attack and a real retaliation, when the sadist fails to understand the victim Is Not Having Fun. Often, the sadist even fails to understand that a breakup and leaving is not a part of their twisted games. I am sorry if I sound bitter, I myself am a victim of a relationship like this, between my mother and my so-called best friend, who both think “we’re golden”.
This is very risky because a lot of people are used to people like this around them. This makes a lot of people believe being treated like crap is what they can expect in a relationship. They don’t BELIEVE they can tell you to stop because they believe you simply are an asshole. Nobody talks about a “fetish” like this, either, because they take it for granted and as it is very common, it is widespread enough for everyone to either think “everyone wants it” or that “everyone is an asshole”.
This kind of treatment should go both ways, and the sadist often does believe the other one plays them, too. When the victim is retreating from the battleground, the sadist believes they are “torturing” them with “distance” and “treat them like crap by pretending they hate them”… which means, to the sadist the victim loves them, of course.
Yelling and screaming are common, meaning “intimacy” and “being real with each other”.
The idea, basically is just to test the other person’s boundaries and tolerance, and how far the sadist can go before the victim leaves them. The sad fact is, that they are often completely blind to the fact the victim has nowhere to go, they will either lose a child, or they’ll lose a parent or another family member, and if the bullied is the sadists’ child, they’ll also lose their home as they’ll have to run away from home.
The sadist is very often a person with a low IQ who is unable to realize the victim has nowhere to run. They get excited whent hey have their victim cornered, because “they are not escaping anymore”. The fact they are not escaping because they’re ran into a corner doesn’t always enter the attention of the sadist, even when pointed out.
Very confusing when a victim is trying to break loose from a sadist who interprets their actions as someone who wants the other one to prove the only thing they want is to stay together no matter how the other one treats them.
Antidote for karmic soulmates
The Sadist and the Masochist
All of these sources of pain also have a source; the person who causes this pain in their counterpart. Unfortunately, they are not always genuine pairs. For instance, a person who thinks another person is deliberately making them suffer isn’t even aware of causing pain to this person. This can be bad when the masochist is holding onto “the sadist” who really doesn’t want to remain in the role. It’s like a person would be forced to rape their victim by the victim while truly finding their victim sexually repulsive.
How can you tell if someone is taking part in your love games against their will
The best indicator of a willing victim is an uncontrollable smile. When a person gets their truest wish in love, they will have a hard time stopping themselves from smiling ear-to-ear. They feel validated, loved, cherished, they feel FANTASTIC being forced into their own fantasy.
Personal story
I remember from my 20’s I did something VERY out of character by playfully chaining a guy onto my bed when he threatened to leave too soon. Once I got him lose, he asked me to join his friends for the day, and the whole day he was just ecstatic about what I’d done, he literally told everyone. I thought, as a BDSM fetishist that this was about BDSM, but in reality what it was about was the fact I showed him I wanted him to stay for longer.
Unfortunately, he liked it so much, and as it was uncharacteristic for me to try and force anyone into staying with me (my fetish is that men actually WANT TO stay), he kept leaving early for no reason, and I never put two and two together until a lot, lot later.
He was all smiles. All smiles, but I didn’t really know why.
A bad sign
A bad sign is a person who never smiles at you and never encourages you to keep going. They never give you positive feedback, but they may be kind to you until you try their last nerve. A bad sign on your part is that you don’t believe anyone would reject you and mean it. If you believe love never dies, you are in danger of being in the process of making someone’s life a living hell with your games.
Love does die. Love may mistake you for another kind of a person, then open their eyes and die. Don’t assume that simply because you are or were a) family b) friends c) lovers or anything of the kind, that this bond will last forever both sides. One side MAY change their mind. If this is news to you, I would check to ensure your loved ones are actually happy about the way you show them love instead of truly suffering day in, day out, because of your expression of love.
Victims who don’t think they can stop you
When someone has gotten used to treatment like you are giving them, they may have trouble believing they can make you stop by asking you to. That makes their voice “pleading” rather than commanding, and that may sound playful and flirty in many occasions. Your loved one doesn’t think you could possibly be afraid of them, therefore it makes no sense to them that you wouldn’t just tell them to go away.
I know from personal experience how difficult it is to actually command someone to stop doing what they’ve always done to you. They won’t believe you are serious, and they’ll keep going. What is worse, you feel like an idiot simply thinking you could just tell them to stop. You’ve let them do what they do for so long, that you’d feel like an idiot if you COULD make them stop by simply telling them in a specific tone. (I tried it myself and I couldn’t pronounce the word!! I know what I need to say and in what tone, but I can’t bring myself to utter the word! I will have to practise it.)
What do actual victims sound like
“I don’t know how to make you stop!” is one of those phrases someone who toys with you would never say. It is not sexy, it is not flirty, it is simply desperate. “Tell me what to do to make you stop!” carries the same idea. “I want you to stop” is already flirtier, but may be serious. The more the person repeats these messages without really ever saying “they love you” or “they have so much fun with you” or anything positive to keep the games going, the more likely they really need you to stop.
They may be continually angry with you without you realizing why. Their idea of love and fun is very different to yours, and you don’t understand that. That makes anyone angry.
A willing victim praises their love for you
Remember that games like this are for true lovers only. When someone loves you, they tell you so, constantly. They tell you they love the bickering, the bitching, how “crazy” you are, they tell you they adore the way they torture you, all that stuff, but a real victim will not say such a thing.
I am not a stuck up, by the way, which means that I do have lovers who could throw me off the Empire State Building and I’d purr at them in the next life saying: “Oooh you rascal!” But when the love isn’t there, your fuse is considerably shorter.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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