People with intimacy issues will hang onto relationships in which they are not quite wanted.
When you have a fear of intimacy, you run from relationships that are actually available to you and cling to those that are not. That makes the relationship very superficial and thus manageable for someone who has a fear of intimacy. They will never have to measure up to the expectations of a spouse or face their issues when they chase a relationship with a person who doesn’t want them.
A person like this may cling to heterosexual people when they are gay or gay people although they’re straight themselves. In addition, they may cling onto family members in an unwanted way; a meddling mother-in-law -style. This keeps the relationship always shallow, and they are always the “rejected one,” so they will “look right” chasing a relationship and connection with someone who “keeps pushing them away.” The blame is on the healthy person, not themselves – this helps them avoid facing the issue.
True Emotion Mirror separation can be caused by fear of intimacy.
This makes the concepts of Twin Flames and True Emotion Mirrors in a telepathic state very tempting to someone who fears intimacy. The fear of intimacy is not irrational, mind you; there are roots to it, as with any trauma, and they are fixable.
Now, the fear of intimacy CAN render an actual True Emotion Mirror relationship stuck on the telepathic level. What is also curious is that the person who is experiencing the connection may be the one ACCUSED of fear of intimacy when the problem is the non-present True Emotion Mirrors. People with intimacy issues tend to point the finger at the person they’re afraid to connect with so they don’t have to deal with that issue themselves. (It makes diagnosing it and pointing it out a little tricky.)
You maybe rendered to a telepathic state with the intent to create trust between you all, and in spirit, this process can seem very easy, but in real life, things can be trickier. MUCH trickier.
There are plenty of (good) reasons to be scared.
There are a few ways to fear intimacy, one of them defines the Cat Thinking: The fear of accidentally entrapping someone into a relationship they don’t want by basically making the other person feel sorry for you because you’re so desperately in love that they fear expressing the depth of their love to the person they love. They fear they are not loved back but cared for enough to not be violently pushed away. They fear that their would-be partner would sacrifice their own happiness in order to make them comfortable. Down the line, they fear their partner waking up to the realization that they’ve never loved that person back and that they’ve been unhappy for decades with them.
Fear of not being enough.
Another way is to fear not being enough. Someone makes you the center of their world, but at the end of the day, you just don’t measure up to their expectations. Disappointed, they leave you.
Fear of financially motivated women.
More yet, common in men, you fear being financially taken advantage of one way or another. You may fear that the only thing a woman is interested in is your money. You let your feelings flow, and woops, you wind up broke and divorced. Added in with the #meToo campaign, now you also have to fear “revenge porn” -type retaliation that has the power to take your career away from you, too.
Celebrities’ and politicians’ fear of being spied on
In celebrities, the fear of being seduced by a journalist spy who makes their way into your life only to take photos, get scoops, and to reveal your personal life to the press exists. How do you even have a decent conversation with someone, when you quite understandably fear that conversation is going to be splashed all over a cover of a gossip magazine? Obviously, the “too good to be true” feeling is even stronger when that other person is a True Emotion Mirror.
Fear of sex with a heterosexual partner in closet homosexuals.
Then, there’s suppressed homosexuality. You don’t want to face up to the fact that you were a homosexual all along, so you cling to heterosexual people who will keep rejecting you, because you actually fear heterosexual relationships. You don’t want sexual relationships with someone of the opposite gender, so you cling onto a relationship with a heterosexual person who keeps rejecting you. This affords you two “benefits;” you don’t have to admit to being gay, you don’t have to have sexual relationships with a straight person, nor do you ever get too close to the heterosexual person, who doesn’t want a very close relationship with you anyway.
New fear of transgendered people who don’t reveal their trans status.
A new addition to these fears is fearing winding up with a well-passing transgendered person. This is not transphobia – transphobia is an irrational fear of transgendered people, similar to fear of clowns, but a rational fear of being found out and thought to be a bigot. Still, being straight person comes with the caveat of NOT feeling comfortable with sex with a member of the same gender – again, this is a sexual orientation, not an irrational fear of homosexuals per se – homophobia. Basically, straight people don’t know what it means if someone is well-passing transgendered person; which makes someone male or female, the body or the soul, and is the soul ever male or female enough to compensate for the body?
A rejection junkie is a person with a fear of intimacy.
A rejection junkie is someone clinging onto someone who doesn’t want them. They will be the focal point of a person who has gotten so pissed off with them, that they have a sensation of an intense relationship, without actually having the intimacy of it. They’re being told to “get the fuck away from me” all the time… And refusing to leave, they will be glamoring in the sensation of a True Emotion Mirror fight where you CAN FIGHT without breaking up over any of it, without actually having a True Emotion Mirror relationship. This relationship is based on one perty’s refusal to leave, while blaming the other person for having intimacy issues.
A rejection junkie controls the entire relationship: They control everybody’s freedom to come and go, while the relationship remains comfortably shallow when the other person doesn’t want you there at all. The rejection junkie believes THEY are the healthy one, ready for a relationship, while there is NOTHING HEALTHY about pursuing a relationship with someone who isn’t interested in a relationship with you.
A rejection junkie is ashamed of their fear of intimacy more than anything. Therefore, they want to feel like it is not them who has the issue. They will gladly die in the hands of a lover who is fighting them off, than live a day with the shame of people knowing they couldn’t handle intimacy.
A rejection junkie maybe deliberately unattractive.
The easiest way to manage fear of intimacy is to remain as physically unattractive as possible. Therefore, YOU don’t have to reject people, or take a rejection that might be about your personality or capacity as a partner, but you can, again, point a finger at another person and say “you don’t want me because I’m fat – you are shallow.” Even if that person agrees to a relationship, you can always keep on bringing that up – you don’t really want to sleep with me, you don’t really want me, etc. etc. forcing the other person into a cycle of proving that they are not as accused; shallow and superficial.
A rejection junkie panics when their threats aren’t being taken seriously.
When the rejection junkie’s partner refuses to feel guilt tripped about things, the rejection junkie loses their power over them. “Yes. I’m leaving you.” “Yes, I AM WALKING OUT ON YOU.” “No, I don’t mind saying it; I find obesity unattractive.” “Quite right, you can’t rely on me.” “No, you’re free to leave. I am not stopping you.” “Oh yes. True. I just wanted the sex. Sorry if I misled you.” “Oh, if you want, you can call me a slut if I sleep with someone else after you. I don’t mind. In fact, I may try and live up to the label.”
A rejection junkie wants a relationship, only a shallow one that they can control every aspect of. When their victim will choose to not be affected by negative labels, the rejection junkie loses their grip on that person, and is at least partially forced to face some of their fears.
A rejection junkie may also want YOU to be the bad guy who forces a relationship on them.
The fear of not living up to expectation may also lead a person to force the other person to force a relationship on them. They show their worst traits right off the bat, then act badly, flirt with other people, etc. so the other person will “put their foot down” so to speak. Then, if they fail – wind up cheating on them or what not, they can say: “YOU wanted this. I didn’t want you, you wanted me. I never said I was perfect!”
Replacing lovers with family members.
It is common for women who fear being left again is to get pregnant and then replacing the man they need with their son, or, if a lesbian with a fear of being so, the daughter. They may look really close with their child, and people admire that connection, and rarely, do we find anything to be weird about it. Yet, if a child/parent connection gets in the way of the adult child’s romantic relationships, we’ve got a problem.
For instance, a parent who cannot stand the thought of their child having a deep sexual connection with someone is more than likely suffering from intimacy issues themselves. “You can love each other, but don’t fuck,” especially with a grown child, is a problem. They may also accept this, but in such a manner that they LIE TO THEMSELVES about the nature of their child’s relationship with their partner.
A rejection junkie fears competition, too.
A rejection junkie, especially a family member, hates competition, too. When their victim meets a True Emotion Mirror, they panic. That connection is stronger, more profound, deeply sexual and erotic, and the rejection junkie hates it. They KNOW that connection is stronger than theirs to their target. So, they’ll try to sabotage it. The explanation: “I don’t think they were good enough for you.” “I think they were a lothario/slut, so I made them go away.”
If there’s a good fake relationship going, a person with intimacy issues don’t want it to end.
A relationship, ANY relationship, to a person with intimacy issues is about building a false ego; false sense of self for themselves. The image of competence and self-confidence, that is portrayed to everyone around them, but MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, to themselves. They perform for themselves so that they don’t catch themselves of a character flaw.
A person like this don’t want ANYTHING to point out that they are not self-confident in relationships, or worse than others at anything. This means that if they have a good fake thing going, they don’t want anything to threaten it. They may build their ego around a friendship, a romantic relationship, a Twin Flame connection, even, and portray that as a proof of their competence in life and relationships. They cannot face the idea that the relationship has run it’s course or that the Twin Flame or True Emotion Mirror connection is imaginary (it may not be) or that they have, in fact, been broken up with or quite really PERMANENTLY divorced from.
Taking comfort of other people’s misfortune.
For as long as they feel insecure in their own relationship skills and attractiveness, they may cling onto a friendship or some connection with a more attractive person, even a celebrity, whose love life is a bit messy. They don’t want their friend or idol to succeed in love and life, lest they would have to face yet another danger: “They are better looking than I, smart, but shallow and narcissistic, but they can manage a relationship better than I.” Because their friend or idol is better than them in everything, they can always take comfort in THEM being either worse off despite, or at least an equal mess despite everything going for them.
Refusing to be broken up with.
We all have our fears, naturally, but if someone else’s fears become an issue in your life, you need to do something about it.
A person like this may completely blind themselves from the insanity of refusing to be broken up with. They want to keep the charade going, at any cost. They stalk their ex and insist they still have a relationship, they tell their new partners that that person is THEIR boyfriend, girlfriend or a spouse despite having broken up with them months ago. Further, they may turn up at the new girlfriends or boyfriends house and inform them that their new partner is with someone who is “taken.” Unfortunately, when a woman does this, we tend to believe her version of the story, EVEN IF the man insists they are no longer together and even when they were, it was casual – or whatever.
In this situation, what MIGHT get through is this phrasing: “So-and-So is my girlfriend/boyfriend now.” Or, if in a polyrelationship, oddly: “My husbands/wives don’t want me to be with you anymore.” They tend to believe it when it’s somebody else that came and took that person, but they cannot comprehend a situation where that person would voluntarily just walk away.
At any rate, explaining the situation as if to a child might help. Drive them home to their mother or best friend’s house (I pity them, too). If they don’t have anyone like that, call the police and let them deal with it – and get yourself and your new partner, your children if you have any a restraining order against that person. The point being, they have issues but they need not be your issues. Let the professionals get them the help they need.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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