People’s first psychological motivation is to retain their idea of reality intact.

Imagine there are no mirrors. There has never been any mirrors. You cannot tell what you look like. The only way to know what you look like is by the reaction of other people; do they find you attractive, and how attractive are the people who find you attractive? Your only way to observe who you are is to focus fully on other people – how they react to others and how they react to you. There are people who still think like a person who has never seen a mirror. If they have beautiful or handsome friends, they believe, 100% that they are equally attractive as their friends.

Now, there would be clues in their lives that they are not quite as attractive as their friends. The men or the women go for the friend every time, and people tend to talk to the attractive friends – but they also notice that there are some people, who will rather talk to them about their attractive friends; the people who are TRULY attracted to the attractive ones, and want to use a friend of theirs to get closer. So, the observer type may conclude that the attractive ones are only interested in them because ironically, people are also often intimidated by the qualities they admire, and they want to possess qualities they, themselves admire… People are narcissistic in that way; they are always looking for their own image – and the more difficult it is to find, the scarier it feels when it happens – and the solution, to many, is to gather information first… From the unattractive friends who couldn’t POSSIBLY think this conversation is romantically motivated.

OK, suppose the attractive friends suddenly give up filling your head with white lies that allow them to keep believing that sure they’re attractive, it’s just that… Suppose your idea of self has gotten so overblown with a false ego, that your friends simply have enough. Now… You might be telling yourself that they’re JEALOUS. (How often do you see completely useless people, women especially, insist that someone’s dislike of them is because they’re jealous… God only knows of what, but, I digress.)

We are obstinate in our perception of the world for a reason.

People take a long time to let go of their idea of reality, even in the face of contradicting evidence. They’ll find a new excuse, a new reason… A new perspective to try, anything to explain to themselves even obvious facts not being obvious facts.

There is a reason, too, why we must be this obstinate in our idea of reality and self. The physical world depends on it. The biggest trick we’ve ever had to learn is to hold onto our atoms. To believe we are physical. The true miracle is that we CAN take a physical form in this reality. It is a freaking magic trick and a half.

If we start doubting our physicality too much, we’ll start… dismantling. (I think we’re pretty safe now, it’s a truth we won’t be willing to accept too easily anymore, and I will leave the “science” of it out as, well, you best believe we’d better off not contesting that reality. 😀 The physical world largely depends on those who are obstinate enough to believe they are not their soul but their body. Be it as it may, we do believe now that physicality is possible, so, let’s keep it that way. It’s a good thing. Those of you who wish to not be physical, how about you believe you don’t have to take a physical form, even though physicality exists.)

The non-physical reality is still reality.

Anyway, the reality is that we are gun-ho to preserve our idea of the world and ourselves intact. Therefore, if you contradict someone’s idea of reality, it’s going to take you time to do. The stronger their faith in whatever they believe, the harder it’s going to be to dismantle any illusions or fantasies they may hold – and also, the same applies to yourself. Still, there are people who are much more adapted to the changes in their perception of reality, and who are a lot braver to go wherever proof points them to. This is a good quality in a modern human, who can adapt and change with reality due to their skill of observing it without a massive need to hold onto the non-proven.

By the way. I am a spiritual teacher and a realist. I believe things that would boggle your mind; because I believe in proof. The truth is what it is without our need to believe it or know it, and it is the one thing none of us can actually fight. The truth is… We can hold onto our atoms. We can remain physical, but… “We” are non-physical. The “we” that holds onto our atoms does not, in itself,  need atoms to exist or to think. Physicality is great, but it’s unnecessary for a lot of things… Its best use is the ability to hug another non-physical being, I swear to god, not only is physicality’s best use a hug but being a human with arms for that…! Physicality’s greatest triumph!

Re-activate cynical mode 😉

Let me return back to the more cynical approach to this topic; people whose idea of self is based on others’ reactions and the company they keep: They may fully reject the notion they are less attractive/dumber/annoying than their accomplished company. It is somewhat of a blessing in disguise, too; you don’t need to be half as careful with your words around them as you have been. Their ego can take a pounding that would crush another person in a second. There’s also another thing you might want to make notice of: You can fill their head with flattering messages that they are more than willing to accept; to make them blatantly narcissistic so they’ll soon fool nobody.

The best thing you can do for another person, I believe, is to help them to have a realistic self-image, and the worst thing is to give them a false idea of who they are… And that said; choose your enemies, and protect your friends.

The mirror or the reactions of others?

In your own idea of self, it would be probably best to use both strategies to retain your sense of self. It is best for you to learn how to reject flattery and white lies, and to learn to differentiate between a genuine compliment, real friends, and true love and attraction toward you. What is pity, and what is love? What is admiration and what is… Adoration. What is lust for what you can provide (money, status, security, access to sexy/cool/status friends) and what is love of your person?

You must learn to observe others and their motivations to retain a realistic idea of self – in some sense, you have to learn to know everybody to truly know yourself.

Worth it?

It is to me.

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