Permanently ending a relationship of any kind with the Normal Person*
Ending a relationship with the Normal Person* is downright impossible when they have decided that they’re in like Flynn. You will have to negotiate the relationship’s closure and offer a “severance package” to your Lover-thinking* person. You will have to agree to the terms of separation, regardless of what relationship this is.
This post is about ending the Main Trap relationship, or karmic relationships, which are based on terrible misunderstandings between the opposite thinker types that are SO OPPOSITE in their operation that bad looks good and good looks bad to either one.
Things to figure out before ending a relationship with the Normal Person*
An Savant* will need some help to figure out how to break a bond with the Normal Person*. The Lover-thinking* way of forming relationships is so foreign to a Savants* that we don’t even realize when we supposedly committed to them and what it obligates us to do.
A Normal Person* is always free to go. An Savant* will never hold onto a relationship by force. The only thing the Normal Person* needs to say or express is “I want out,” the Savants* will agree to it, even if they had to let go of their own child. This is why this post is only useful for the Savants*. The Normal Person* are not held prisoners by a Savants*, even if they believe they are, but they might need to ask for a permission to leave to feel right about it.
To the Normal Person*, a relationship is an alliance against the dangers of life.
the Savants* and the Normal Person* think of relationships in very different terms. Even when the Normal Person* falls in love for real, a part of them views the relationship in the light of “an alliance,” something that brings them a sense of security. To a Savants*, this need for security is almost non-existent. They’ll do fine on their own. They also may be in relationships without really being in them – probably the biggest Cat Type Thinking* annoyance to the Normal Person*.
When you are breaking up with the Normal Person*, you have to dissolve their security system. It is very traumatic to the Normal Person*. Romance is not the thing they’ll miss… Not you, either. They fear for themselves and their survival, their everyday life, even if they are perfectly capable people. They’ll worry about who is going to mow the lawn, and a Savants* will be focussed on how this will effect their self-esteem. That is something that a Savants* cannot often appreciate enough. Keep this in mind.
Name what you both got out of the relationship.
Nobody winds up into a relationship without gaining something from it. For a Savants*, men and women included, it’s more than likely the easiness of it. They did all the heavy lifting, and you just needed to go along for the ride. Either you were so superior to them that they simply tagged along, believing to be owned like a black slave to a white master, or they bitched, argued, and bagged you until you gave up, or they tactfully weaseled their way into your life through your friends and family before you even knew you were betrothed.
What they get out of a relationship (casual friendships included) is a variety of stuff:
- Free therapy
- Favors
- Social status hike
- Ego boost
- Free advice, training, schooling, and education (information)
- Cold hard cash
- Physical protection
- Job opportunities
- Free food and lodging
- Opportunities to get laid
- Avoidance of trouble (some the Normal Person* believe that they “had to” obey, even if no threats were given. Typical for Lover-thinking* women who think “Do everything Mr. Weinstein asks” is a good piece of advice to a young lady, and black people who still do anything a white master tells them to. This same submissiveness may happen when a “popular kid” takes interest in the misfits, or a rock star picks a girl even if just to be nice to her, but she may interpret it as “tag you’re it” for whatever reason.)
With the submissive the Normal Person* you must note that they may fear kindness more than anything. “They ask kindly, and things happen.” This may have been the source of Amber Heard’s mafia-boss-like description of Johnny Depp; he’s a kind, soft-spoken man, who only has to whisper an order. To the Normal Person*, this speaks of ultimate power, something that people are so afraid of they cannot but obey. So when she said Johnny made her fear for her life, she was probably telling the truth… Without that meaning she had any real reason to be.
Identify the sacrifices.
Lover-thinking* romance, platonic friendships included, is based on the idea of giving up something that they wanted from a relationship for the relationship that they got. The Normal Person* don’t consider a relationship complete without a sacrifice made to it.
Therefore, when a Savants* gives up on their wish for true love and romance, or their perceived social status by dating/befriending down, it is the height of romance to the Normal Person*. They believe you wouldn’t give up on the love you wanted for them if you didn’t indeed love them more – but how exactly that logic works is still a little fuzzy to me. Somehow, you transfer your easy, effortless love and give it to someone you find a lot harder to love, and that is the sacrifice they typically seek for.
Their sacrifice to you is most certainly not something you’d ever ask for.
The more obscure question is: what did they sacrifice for you? If they’re your mother, they’ll certainly have a list of things they like to remind you they gave up for you. It is not to make you feel guilty, it is to make you feel loved. The effect is, of course, in a Savants* NOT that they’re loved but blamed for anything that is wrong with their mother’s life. Anyway.
Whatever they sacrificed for you, you must become aware of. Whatever they think you sacrificed for them, you need to be aware of, but don’t rub it in their face before understanding this dynamic, or they’ll think you’re saying you loved them so much you gave up on this thing just to be with them. The effect is not going to be that they’re going to let you go, but to cling in tighter so they can “repay” you with further loyalty – and that’s the last thing you want here. The thing they feel you sacrificed can also be a thing they took from you, and believed you felt it was a sacrifice they had a right to take as your primary love.
When you realize what they were FINE WITH you giving up for them, you’ll kill your love for them and that will, in turn, keep you from feeling compassion toward them ever again. That is a good step in the right direction.
A professional the Normal Person* may not have been expecting a sacrifice… But they may expect a friend or family-member status in the next life time as a thank you for their service and loyalty, and that maybe a problem. (You may need to “rehome them” if you need to let them go.)
Identify their loyalty.
What about you do they admire. They are loyal to that character trait, including being rich, famous, or popular and the consequent conclusions they make from those facts. An evolved the Normal Person* will appreciate you for your kindness, and that should be rewarded. What they admire in you might be a trait that they imagine you have (because you’re rich, popular, famous, or beautiful, rather than know you have. It maybe “ruthlessness” or “bossiness” even if you’re not at all like that. Mind you… They NEVER admire talent, skill, knowledge (unless it is in manipulating people), or nobility of character. You think that’s what it is, but it never is with them. Cross those things off your list of possible things that motivate their loyalty. Their admiration of beauty is linked to the power it holds, even if they don’t understand where that power comes from exactly.
You cannot ask them what character trait of yours they are loyal to, because they’d have to simultaneously admit they don’t have that trait. They want to learn that trait. Even if they imagine you to have a trait, they cannot admit to believing you have it and they don’t, because at least you’ve managed to fool others that you have that. (You’re dangerous, powerful, whatever.) They want to learn that trait from you, and that’s why they are with you. They want to outsource that trait until they learn it, and if you don’t teach them this skill, they believe you are attached to them romantically, and you’re holding onto that trait to tie them to you artificially.
If you can, indeed, teach them what they want from you, it might be the best news for you. Chances are, there is no way to teach them what they need to learn, when your power is based on honesty, skill, talent, and genuine wisdom… (But how wise can you be if you have these people as friends. Ehrm. Here we all are, in matching smarty pants.)
What’s their currency?
Related to the above, what is the currency they expect you to pay with? THIS you can ask. What do they want so that they no longer need or want you. You may laugh at them when they name it, if you honestly don’t have it and find it ridiculous they’d spend all this time looking to you to teach or give them something you wouldn’t have the first clue how to teach them.
You have to realize that the Normal Person*’s friendship (and familymembership) has a price tag. They are mercenaries. Hired guns. They do not friend/birth/care for you for free. EVER. They expect you to give them a retirement package for putting up with you all these years and to give it with gratitude for having been a friend to them. Ironically, they don’t seem to owe you even if they made more money than you. That’s why you need to contest the order of who-owes-who.
What do they want in return for their services. If it’s love and appreciation, it typically means money and a hefty retirement fund.
Negotiate the terms of ending the relationship.
To get rid of a Lover-thinking* friend, you’ll have to negotiate the terms of ending the relationship. If they’ve been loyal to you for years, you must “retire them.” Release them from service like a military man, a long-time employee, or a freaking service dog. If you think of them as a literal dog, you’ll probably speak to them in the correct terms if you are generally speaking happy with them. You’ll want to let them go with love, respect, and gratitude – even if they are your wife or husband. (To a Savants*, this is crazy talk.)
Get the price right.
If you are letting them go because you were displeased with the way they were a friend, (parent, partner), you’ll need another tone. You’ll need to remind them of all the things they’ve done wrong, and even demand compensation for it before you let them walk out free. The compensation might be further loyalty without other perks, such as remaining under a non-disclosure agreement.
Remember they see relationships as jobs. Their performance in that job (mother, father, best friend, business partner…) should be evaluated when you’re pricing their exit. If you give them a higher payment than they deserved, especially if they know it themselves, they’ll consider it an obligation to serve you again in the next lifetime once they get a new young body to serve you with. You price them too low, and they’ll come back for what you owe them in another lifetime.
You may have to bring it up: Do you want to work for me in the next lifetime? What do you wish you were to me in you future lifetime? Then, you continue negotiations from there. If you don’t want your maid to be your mother in the next lifetime, you must inform them of it.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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