Phrases the Survivalist* understand very differently to the Idealists*
When the Survivalist* says these phrases, they interpret them in a different way (as they hear them).
the Idealists* says: “There’s nothing you can say or do.”
the Idealists* means: “I have made up my mind and you cannot change my mind by saying or doing anything, even though I know you don’t want me to do what I’m about to do. (Because I want to do it and I don’t care how selfish it may sound to you.”
the Survivalist* hears: “My fate is sealed, you can’t help me. I am doomed.”
the Idealists* says: “You’re not helping.”
the Idealists* means: “You are making matters worse by interfering into these matters – you don’t understand what I’m trying to do, and you are simply ruining my work at the same time as you’re trying to help.”
the Survivalist* hears: “You are a bad person because you’re not trying hard enough.”
the Idealists* says: “You have to let me go.”
the Idealists* means: “I have made up my mind, I am leaving you. Our relationship is over. You have to let me go fall in love/make friends with someone else.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I am no good, I will never be good to you, you have to give up on me.”
“I love you.”
“I am taking/will take care of you.” (To the Survivalist*, love is not an emotion but an action.)
the Idealists* says: “I don’t love you.”
the Idealists* means: “I don’t feel the tender loving feeling in my heart that people call love for you. I know what the feeling feels like, but I do not feel it when it comes to you.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I am not taking good care of you, I am a bad person. Will you forgive me and let me try again?”)
the Idealists* says: “You don’t love me.”
the Idealists* means: “I know that when you look at me, you don’t feel that tender, warm feeling in your heart that we call love.”
the Survivalist* hears: “You are not taking good care of me.”
the Idealists* says: “I don’t (really/even) know you.”
(When said to someone who a person should, technically, recognize.)
the Idealists* means: “We have never truly spoken about anything of importance, I don’t know anything about you, your likes, dislikes, your personality, I may know your face, your name, your birth date, where you work, what you do, but I don’t truly know anything about your soul. We don’t have a connection, and we’ve known each other for so long already that I don’t truly think there is much of a chance of us getting to know each other – there’s really not much joy in our conversation.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I have lost my memory and can’t tell who you are.” (“I’m messing with you.”)
the Idealists* says: “This is who I am.”
the Idealists* means: “I know you are surprised/disappointed at this discovery of my (hidden?/the part of me that you don’t know) character, my interests, or likes and dislikes, but even though you weren’t aware of those things, it doesn’t mean I am the person you though I was. This is who I truly am.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I am no good, I can’t be helped, please give up on me. I am useless to you.”
the Idealists* says: “I was born this way.”
the Idealists* means: “You are insulting me by treating *my condition* as if it was an illness. It isn’t. It is also not temporary. It is not something I can or want to change. You need to show me some respect and back off.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I was born flawed, there’s nothing you can do to save me.”
the Idealists* says: “I am a grown-up.” and “You must respect me/my choices.”
the Idealists* means: “Listen, you can’t boss me around like I was a child anymore. I’m old enough to make my own decisions. This has nothing to do with you, and I ask nothing of you. You must back off and let me do what I am about to do, hold your tongue and keep your opinion to yourself.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I should be taking better care of you all because I’m this old, but I am useless.” / “You have to teach me how to take my place in this family, as I am old enough for the responsibility. You must respect me.” (“My choices”, in this context, to the Survivalist*, means “my commands”.)
the Idealists* says: “Just do what you want.”
the Idealists* means: “You don’t have to care for other people, just enjoy yourself, do what is important to you personally – things will work out. Go enjoy yourself. (As in, go fuck someone.)”
the Survivalist* hears: “Go break laws and rules, the more of a rebel you are, the more serious the rules you should break to prove the point.” (If Charles Manson said to his family of the Survivalist* to “do what they want” and “be witchy about it”, to his the Survivalist* followers, it would have sounded like a direct command to kill, especially after months of not praising them for a job (doing what you want) well done.)
the Survivalist* says: “Just do what you want.”
the Survivalist* means: “Get a nice job and marry someone decent. Buy some nice things for yourself.”
the Idealists* says: “I have the right to do what I want.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I am the boss of you, you are worthless.”
the Idealists* says: “I want to change the world.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I want to destroy the balance of this world for my own amusement.”
the Idealists* says: “I am a genius.”
the Survivalist* hears: “There’s this flaw in me, my IQ is higher than yours, somehow, you need to help me lower my IQ.” (They regard a high IQ similarly to high blood pressure.)
the Idealists* says: “I hate you.”
the Survivalist* hears: “I hate you for not loving me.”
the Idealists* says: “You gotta do the right thing.”
the Survivalist* won’t understand what the right thing is unless it involves his/her direct family. To them, family always comes first, no matter what. “The right thing”, to the Survivalist*, can never mean “right thing by a stranger”.
the Idealists* says: “Charity”
the Survivalist* hears: “Opportunity to show your friends that you know how rich people show off how much money they’ve got – so much they can throw it around like it meant nothing. Now, do the same.”
the Idealists* says: “Friends”
the Idealists* means: “People you enjoy the company of in deep conversations and fun had. People who have always treated you in a good way, who haven’t betrayed your trust, and who you can trust with your life if they’re good ones.”
the Survivalist* hears: “People who don’t say nasty things to you, who don’t probe for your secrets. People who are pleasant to be around.” “Good friends” mean “People who won’t retaliate when you fuck them over for sport, but instead will forgive you.” Petty friends who used to be cool (frenemies): “People who retaliate when you’ve fucked them over for sport. (And then you keep on doing this.)”
“Renewal”
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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