Principle decisions in relationships: yey or nay?

OK, so in a fit of anger, you screamed at your mother that you’d never speak to her again for as long as you live, and you won’t be seen at her fucking funeral, either. Giving it six months, your feelings have somewhat eased up; should you keep to your decision just so you don’t come off as an empty windbag or lose face? 

Of course not.

However, if your feelings haven’t changed, and you still believe it is best to keep your distance from your mother, do so. You can’t love someone on a principle, any more than you can hate someone on a principle.

Forgive whomever you want to forgive – stop forgiving simply because others think it would be good for you.

There are people in your life that you’d gladly forgive for nearly anything simply because you love them and your life is better with them than without them. Then, those people count on your forgiveness to keep abusing you over and over. Some people are ADDICTED to the sensation of being forgiven, on the making up after a good fight, so much so, that they’ll pick a fight with their loved one just for that hug and sobbing agreement to never fight again – for about a week and a half, that is.

If you realize that this person is only taking you for an emotional roller coaster because they love it (and you hate it) cut them loose. You can forgive them in your mind, but don’t go back trying for yet another time for something that didn’t work out the first time.

You might have sworn to love them forever – you got married.

This is such a common situation I do not need to explain what happened… Should you grin and bear it to your grave?

I say everybody deserves true love. You, your partner. If you don’t truly love your partner, leave, so they’ll have a chance of finding true love.

But if you were in love with them once, and you feel you still could be, you owe it to yourself to try your hardest to figure it out.

Loving or hating on principle are equally stupid options.

Sometimes we decide to love people against our true wishes for whatever reason: Don’t be picky, you don’t have any reason to not like them, she’s your mom after all, he’s so popular, you shouldn’t reject him, either… And sometimes, we hate people on principle for whatever reason. Maybe it’s really uncool to like Justin Bieber, so you hate him just to fit in. (Stoopid. By the way, I’m too old to be a Belieber, but it started to annoy me when grown people “hated” a teenaged boy simply because a ton of teenaged girls liked him and his stupid haircut.)

Whatever your principle-based reason to love or hate someone is, toss it; it serves no real purpose. You don’t need to fear loving those you hate and vice versa; if your feelings are real, they’ll stay the same or sort themselves out with another go.

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