Protecting your authentic self from your work and your marriage

As your coach, I wish to advise you to avoid all life paths that lead to the suffocation of your authentic self. One of the most certain ways to suffocate large areas of your self is subscribing to the expectations of professional or marital life – worse yet, both.

That is not to say a person should not get married or to not pursue a career, but it is to say one must be careful not to allow a marriage or a career define you… With the exception of the Normal Person*, of course.

Entering a new role

Whenever we enter a new role, we kind of feel a box forming in front of us with the gentle request to please step into the box/mold, and we’ll make you into what we need you to be. This is partly the process of the people already in the box protecting THEIR authentic selves, as they do not wish influences from outsiders (like attracts like, different becomes alike -behavior) but it is also the inability to recognize and respect individuality. “IF you want to be a part of this crowd, you must conform, as we don’t wish to associate with the likes of you” -attitude.

This goes with most any new group you wish to become a part of. There’s always a ready-made group culture, and if you wish to change it, you kind of have to fight a bit. I suggest you do.

Not conforming is either inability or unwillingness

The higher the IQ of a person is, the less likely they are willing to conform to the expected norm. Unfortunately, those with a low IQ are more likely to interpret this as inability, as in NOT KNOWING what is expected or how to actually do what is expected than an unwillingness to comply. One should make a due note of it, however, the fact someone looks or acts differently and breaks the norm can have two reasons why; high IQ or low IQ. It should be relatively easy to decide which is in question.

Your sexuality is always on the firing line

There are a few major roles that people are expected to fit in their lifetime: That of a professional, that of a married person, and that of a parent. All three have one major thing in common, ALL tend to force your sexuality into suppression, even though two of these roles are directly related to your sexuality. THIS SHOULD NOT be allowed to happen unless this is a relief to you personally. If you want to hang onto your life-giving sexual energies, there is NO REASON why you should allow it to be dampened. However, that requires some changes in attitude from you, a bit of grit and a lot of stubbornness in some cases.

Enjoying life

People with a high IQ are also naturally curious about a variety of past times. They have hobbies that are not necessarily “grown up”. High IQ is directly linkable to funny hobbies, often childish in nature. People with a high IQ are playful and non-conformist.

As the right to play and enjoy “childish things” is taken away from a person with a high IQ, they get easily depressed and lose their interest in life. People with a normal IQ are contented in living a relatively mundane existence with low stimulus environment, but a person with a high IQ requires a lot more from their life and environment.

A person with a high IQ keeps learning and growing intellectually throughout life. A person who reaches their limit during their lifetime turns a little boring and stops playing. For as long as a person is playing and trying out new things, they are learning and evolving. A child that has learned to play creatively on their own has learned to grow and evolve independently.

It is UNFAIR to expect someone with a fast processing power brain to stop using and evolving the brain. If that happens, the person is more than likely to take their own life, even though “they have everything a person could possibly wish for”… All that is lacking is the permission to do stuff they actually enjoy doing. Not cool.

As for the expectation is that everyone will make their own living

The expectation is, as it should be, that we all make our own way in this world. We are expected to make a living somehow. As this is the expectation, the society SHOULD NOT put in limitations on WHAT KIND of people are allowed to run a business or be hired to work for a company. Of course, officially, the society does not do this, but we still know exactly what kind of a personality “a professional” is supposed to have. Pre-defined personality, that everything to do with sexuality is dampened or removed, and all “childish” (playful) behavior is either well hidden or eliminated.

It is not fair to limit the access to jobs or professions or business from people who do not act a certain way if it is expected of all people to make their own living.

Having said that, nobody should be forced to personally deal with openly sexual people or grown weird people who collect Barbies if they do not wish to or offer services to those who do. Each individual should have the right to both BE as they wish to be and to do business with the kind of people as they wish to do business with. However, business or professionalism IN ITSELF, on a global or universal level should not include any clause of sexual behavior.

I must be able to choose my clients based on their sexual morals for instance, and so should you. This includes the right to NOT do business with anyone with an active AdultFriendFinder profile for instance, but I should be able to expect that all my clients that I choose to do business with should have an open AFF profile if I so decide. We should be able to choose who we do and don’t do business with, but NOBODY should be excluded from BUSINESS as a whole based on whatever personality trait they possess, sexually or otherwise.

You cannot sink a Kardashian with a leaked sex tape

My advice is as follows:

Never build a professional career that requires you to hide, edit, or turn off aspects of who you are and wish to remain. I personally proudly declare to not want to do business with anyone but perverts. I do not want to trust my financial future into the hands of people who would find it shocking that I have an active, non-standard sex life. I will want to get my rocks off in the future, and I will not build a professional network of people who would stop trusting me as a person with an ability to feel and think rationally should they find out this detail about me. I also believe that putting it out there is fair; some people don’t like to be unknowingly involved with people like me, as people assume like attracts like, and what I am my customers also are.

When a person is open about who they are from the start of their career, they collect the kind of fans and supporters who like or even love them for being who they are. Therefore, if Kimmy gets caught butt-naked on a film somewhere, her fans won’t be offended but grinning ear-to-ear.

As for your marriage

Even more shockingly, there are people who wish to define your personality and interests by your marital status. These are people who fall in love with who you are but expect you to change into another person after you’ve made a commitment. Engagement is usually when it starts. The person who wishes for “a serious” or “a grown-up” relationship, turns from a previously playful and upbeat person into a serious, “adult” person. They will also demand their partner to start transforming towards the expected marital role.

Although there is an expectation of a month-long, maybe a year-long, sexual bliss in the form of a honeymoon, once the first child is born, many people expect the sexual aspect of the relationship to die off. This is interesting, considering that marriage is the ONLY religiously accepted covenant that allows sexual expression between people. Yet, the expectation is that you’re not playing once the children arrive. Lunacy!

My advice is that never allow your partner to assume you’d conform to a role you are not happy to conform to.

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