Proving interest: Pursuing someone strongly and why it’s a bad idea

There are people who believe they can get anything as long as they persist hard and long enough. This may be true in some cases like getting the dream job they want, but true love or the true respect of your colleagues are rarely, if ever, achieved like this.

The strong chasers come onto another person strongly, pester, guilt, use every persuasive tactic they can think of until the target gives in and goes on a date with them. This, to such a person, is usually already a full win. If that person agrees to go on a second, or a third date, let alone sleeps with this person, the strong pursuer thinks the relationship is a done deal.

However, to the target what is happening might look VERY different.

If a person “makes you” pursue them hard that is usually a sign of profound disinterest or dislike of you. Nobody who is truly interested in another person, risks that person quitting too soon, so they’ll give in after a short while even if they’re playing hard to get.

However, if someone keeeeeps on coming, often they spend months on the pursuit, even years, they’re bound to hit a spot when their target simply feels too tired to keep on saying no, or they hit a rough patch in the relationships they actually value, or they cannot find any more excuses to say no.

They may have been struggling in a relationship with a true love for a while, or cannot FIND someone they’d actually be interested in – they start feeling their bar is too high, so, at a weak moment that all of us will get to from time to time, they’ll say yes, just to quiet that person down.

The relationship starts

This is not the point at which they finally believe you’re seriously interested, or that you actually want them. The people being pursued like this are often very good looking, smart, talented and popular people, so they KNOW people like them. They don’t need you to prove to them they’re special. They already know. They’ve been told a million times and they know it. Why are they single? They’re picky. They know they have a chance to have someone they truly want, instead of settling for scraps, but because relationships are freaking complicated, no matter who you are, you may wind up single anyway, and that knowledge and trust that you’re special may start wearing thin regardless.

That doesn’t mean that a person will feel thankful for someone who is that “loyal” and “appreciative”, but they think: “Fuck, well that person is clearly desperate for a CHANCE, maybe I’ll just go out with them a few times to show them I gave them a chance before I dump them. At least then, they can’t say I’ve dumped them because I don’t know what kind of a person they are.” Probably one of the guilt trips they’ve already laid on him or her: “You don’t even know me, how can you say you don’t like me?” So, they will decide to get to know the person, so they can dump them later. Some people may decide to use this person for sex, after all, they’re clearly after it so they might as well use them for sex until someone better comes along again.

Many people who get chased too strong also lose all respect for the chaser. They see them as a desperate idiot who would do anything to get it on with someone. They also think that person is completely unrealistic and naive, and they figure a person like that may deserve a good life lesson.

While the runner is losing respect, the chaser is over the moon

In the meanwhile, the strong pursuer is picking wallpapers for the nursery. They think after sex, this is a full-blown relationship, and there’s no way out now…

But there’s always a way out.

Especially once this person meets (one of) their True Emotion Mirror(s), and figures out that person actually wants them (as True Emotion Mirrors are always equally enchanted by each other), they’re gone.

And no. By wanting it more than anyone else, you won’t become a True Emotion Mirror to someone else. You’ll simply be the one easy to use.

Chasing after breakup

Some people start the chase only after the relationship has started, hit a rough patch, and the other person is leaving them. Sometimes a strong pursuer winds up in a relationship with someone easily, because that person didn’t realize they were serious or that they wanted something more than a fling, or that they completely over-estimated their own value.

Sometimes good looking/popular people like the excitement they can give to someone who has never been noticed by a lot of people. They feel like giving them a few dream dates will brighten up their life a bit. What they don’t realize that these people may take it as an ULTIMATE SIGN OF LOVE that a good looking person would take them out to dinner and NOTICE THEM, because THAT NEVER HAPPENS. To them, a good looking/popular person’s attention means that they’ve seen the true self of them, and often, they have, it’s just that they’ve got some time to spare or they have another reason to be nice.

The popular person doesn’t mean this in a mean way, most likely, they simply don’t realize their own worth to someone who never gets attention. Who would kill for ANY date, let alone a date with this person. A popular person may take it for granted that this person KNOWS they’re from different planets and that this won’t last long, and be surprised to the extreme when the other person “turns out to be crazy.”

The relationship ends, the chasing starts

The “runner” will exit the relationship without much of an explanation. They assume the future chaser knows why: This was never going to be a permanent relationship, and now, it’s simply time for them to move on. They don’t feel the need to explain the obvious. They may sometimes feel a bit guilty and seem sad for that reason, or try and explain their way out of it by saying “it’s not you, it’s me” (the biggest break up banality in the world), all of which the chaser interprets as: “They need me to prove to them I truly love them for them (rather than their looks).”

In the meanwhile, the runner has already fully moved on, most likely. They’re dating again, they’re seeing the world in a more positive light, there might be a chance with a new, amazing person… Or whatever. Their life is good.

The chaser thinks all of this is just a test of love and start chasing this person to the end of the world to prove they’re in love. They may think that “all this superficial stuff” is there to distract the runner from some “inner pain” they are too afraid to share with them. They chase them for an answer, “please please please tell me what’s wrong, we can fix it…”

Instead, the runner changes their phone number, blocks this person off Facebook, tells all their friends never to reveal anything about them to that person, and in extreme cases, files for a restraining order, as this person turned out to be crazy.

Sometimes it is important to learn to take a no for an answer. Sometimes the love you thought was real, was truly just a one-sided thing, or not quite as intense or amazing for the other person as it was for you.

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