Proving love: Leave your doors open or burst through theirs?

The way that we instinctively love one another is by ideal that we have learned to follow in previous life times; something that has worked for us in the past with past soulmates. However, when situations change, we need to adjust the way we react to their need of space or their need to be ‘bugged’. Both of these love types are brilliant when applied in the right situation, but when in the wrong place, the results will be disastrous.

Here are the two love ideals:

Feminine love: Never give up, always go after them, burst through their barriers and demand an answer until they tell you what’s wrong.

Masculine love: Back off, give them space, allow them to come to you once they’re ready to talk.

Remember that not all men and women belong to the assumed group of lovers by default. There are lots of men who exhibit feminine love and lots of women who exhibit  masculine love. You need to know, that you need to know which mode to work from in the right situation. The problem with Feminine love given to someone who needs space is that they will shut down even further. The trouble with Masculine love when Feminine love is needed is that you back off too soon you will never get to the heart of the matter. The ideal is to balance these both ways of loving and allow your instincts to react to both needs.

We all have a natural mode of loving that we tend to follow by default, I work from the Masculine love perspective, and ended up losing all of my True Emotion Mirrors as a result. I backed off when I should have pushed. The other option can be true, too, you push and push and push and only end up making your soulmate clam up and shut you out even further.

The fact is however, that if someone doesn’t love you, the only thing you can do is to back off and offer them Masculine love; “Whenever you need me I’ll be here.” However, they might never want you, that is a fact of life. You try hard enough with Feminine love, then you have to back off and let things be, you have made your case and that’s all you can do. When do you back down, is another matter… And the answer is: when you a) realise they need their space b) have sufficiently let them know how you feel, so that you know they’ll be always welcome in your life and c) when you finally understand that their happiness is more important than yours (because you love them).

A lot of the time we get stuck on one mode or the other for these motivations: Feminine love requires a knowledge or belief that it is absolutely certain that what you have to offer is the exact thing your love needs (or at least equal to someone else’s offerings), or you have to entirely ignore the possibility that they might not want you – one or the other. (Bury your head in the sand; see no evil, hear no evil.) Masculine love functions from humility, either believing you don’t really deserve love like that, being uncertain that their love is what the other needs or being certain that their love is inferior somehow to the love someone else would be offering. Feminine love is ego based, Masculine love shows lack of ego / weak ego. (See, ego is not a bad thing in itself, but it needs to be balanced!!) As a default setting, Masculine love makes less damage than Feminine love, because you can always return and tell your lover what you need to tell them, but if you keep pestering people with your expectations, you might end up having them block you out on every level they can and cut all contact to you. You have to have at least a THEORETICAL acceptance of the possibility that someone doesn’t love you if you function from Feminine love, or it means your ego is too big for this world.

Regardless of whether you are a male or female, you should follow through both phases of Proving Love, starting with Feminine Love:

Feminine love – Pestering 101:

Ask them questions that demand an answer to their behaviour: “Why do you keep looking at me like I was the only girl/guy in the room?” “Why did you hug me back then in that way…?” “Why do you always avoid me when your spouse is near?” “Why did you kiss me back then?” “Why did you take my hand and pressed it against your heart if you didn’t intend to tell me you loved me?” “Why did you blow your fuse simply because I didn’t let you kiss me?” Keep asking these questions until they either throw you out or come up with a good answer.

Pestering questions should not include: “Then why do I feel this way around you?” “Why do I keep having dreams about you?” “Why do I feel like we belong together?” “But I know we belong together!” “I know you love me.” “Why do I keep having these signs about you?” “Why don’t you want me?” “What does he/she have that I don’t have?” These are not good questions to pester or ponder about because they can be explained with two words: Enigma. (One-sided love.)

If you cannot find any questions like in the behaviour-set, you don’t have a case – they most likely don’t love you. Pester for one or two complete conversations worth, never more than that, and once they give you the answer, you must accept it and move onto Respect phase (just cut contact and follow through with Respect once you truly mean it, if you still feel they love you but won’t admit it):

Masculine love – Respect 101:

Tell them how you feel, as passionately and completely as you can; letter will be good. Be absolutely sure they know how you feel. Then, let them know you will wait for/love them forever or however long you are willing to wait; you can put a time limit, but make sure you actually mean it. (Most cases with True Emotion Mirrors these time limits are pretty arbitrary and they should also hold you to this limit: after that you are absolutely not allowed to approach them again. Unless you are willing to cut all contact after that, don’t create time limits – that’s not for true love anyway.)

If you have any reason to pester, do so now or you will regret it.

Now, you have done everything in your power to let them know you love them at the level that they need to know it. If they don’t feel the same toward you, that is a shame but shouldn’t make you feel like you are not worthy of love, you just may have found the wrong person, or they are not ready to be loved yet. At any rate, the only thing you can do now is wait and make the best out of your life and figure out what you need to do in order to be as happy as you can. This may not be the final stage of your relationship, but this is the part where you TRULY prove your love: is your love dependent on receiving love, or is it actually unconditional? Will you still love them after 10 years when you haven’t heard a word from them or about them? That’s the question. A True Emotion Mirror will, and it won’t even be difficult.

Subscribe to get a Daily Message