Relationship EXPECTATIONS and ideals
The way we all view relationships and enter into relationships thinking everyone agrees on the rules and “realities” of them differs. These following offer some kind of a baseline to what different expectations and ideals and expectations people hold. One person can go between several of these modes during their lifetime, and it depends on where you catch them as to how the relationship will form. People may hold a certain ideal (either the Young Soul* Commitment or the Old Souls* Romance) but lose hope along the way when things don’t go the way they were hoping them to, so they’ll retreat back into less rosey-eyed expectations and beliefs.
It suffices to say everyone tends to have ideas about what men and women are like and what men or women typically do or want. It takes time for people to mature enough to realize that neither “men” or “women” is a real thing at all, but this is all individual… And at the end of the day, we all want our ultimate love story, whichever way we define it.
Cynical Escape
Can be either the Young Soul* or the Old Souls* thinking, disillusionment, loss of hope and trust, cynicism. An escape from hope and getting burned, retreating into a cynical view on love and relationships, sometimes tightly and more or less permanently. Can be difficult to get anyone out of this way of thinking once they’re stuck there.
There is a phase where women turn into users and abusers of men. In women, this may happen due to being hurt by a man and then deciding all they are good for is money and sperm, or it can happen through the discovery of their own power, the realization they CAN abuse a man’s romantic feelings to bleed him for money and favors. These women think of men as nothing but sperm and money banks, protectors and providers. They cruelly objectify men and think of themselves as their superior. They see relationships as a survival method and men as the tool for it. This, in turn, will turn previously romantic men into cynics.
Once rejected due to lack of money, general wealth or status, a man tends to easily accept this as a reality they live in, whether it is true or not. They will later associate all rejection as a lack of money rather than anything else, no matter what she says, as he’ll think she’s too ashamed to say what it really is. The trouble is also that he may not truly understand why else would a woman want to live with a man if it wasn’t for the money.
Love songs playlist for this group
the Young Soul* thinking cautious ideal
The IDEAL: Doting Spirit Mirrors. They wish for a truly intimate family in which everyone loves everyone, wants the same things, loves the same things and aims for the same things. The kind of an idealized version of a family life in which everyone loves everyone and everyone matters and is fully committed to the happiness of the family unit.
They typically tend to mistrust everyone who isn’t family or at least well known to the family, a family friend. They want to “keep things in the family” make marriage plans with the family within family friends’ families. They love to limit their options to friends and family and friends of friends.
Believes everyone should want at least this or there’s something wrong with them.
Divorce: A divorce is avoided to the extreme but accepted as a possible, unfortunate reality at times.
What the Young Soul* wish for when they are being cautious is a truly loving, intimate family life. They do not dare to dream about high romance or sexual compatibility, therefore they transfer all of these emotions into their families and desexualize their need of intimacy. The danger is, that they make their children responsible for their happiness and transfer their sexual intimacy needs to their children in a non-sexual way, and even stop their children from forming sexual and romantic relationships outside the family as the idealized unit is the birth family.
Dares to love family members fully. Expects family members to be available for unconditional love.
Reality: May face a bitter disappointment due to a family member NOT being on board, seeking happiness outside the family, and family members simply not getting along. After all, being born into a family is kind of potluck, so it doesn’t always work out the way you planned, especially if the parents are non-True Emotion Mirrors and “draw in” a mixed crowd.
Once they lose their faith in the idea that family is the key to an eternal love and happiness they can move on to the next phase, at the same time as learning that true love, even between friends or non-relatives is a real thing, they can move on to the next phase.
Love songs for this group (difficult to find, to be honest.)
the Young Soul* thinking romance ideal
The ideal and the expectation: Lovers’ Choice Soulmates*; Commitment. Romance and sexuality -driven, but between Trail Companions*, never to part, 100% commitment, security, need to ensure the bond will not break. The main difference to the Old Souls* thinking True Emotion Mirror relationship is the need to ensure there will not be a break up. This is due to the Old Souls* being HIGHLY INTELLIGENT and highly talented people, which means that their needs from a compatible partner are much more demanding than those of the Young Soul*. This means that although they generally speaking want the same thing, the Old Souls* will run from this relationship looking for someone with a higher ability to give them what they need, and that is why these two groups are separated.
This connection is high in emotion, highly sexual, love-fuelled, but NEEDS a separete group due to the CONSTANT battle between a Old Souls* runner and the Young Soul* thinking chaser, who doesn’t accept that intelligence and talent has any real purpose in a relationship and refuses to accept a rejection on the basis of either.
Dares to love more or less anyone without fear. Expects NOBODY in their right mind to reject love.
Reality: Will find it difficult sometimes to get the level of commitment from their partner than what they are looking for. Thinks everyone wants this so they’ll find it difficult to understand when someone says no to them, particularly if they describe themselves as “a romantic”. Will possibly wind up in abusive relationships due to their naive trust in ALL people’s wish for romantic love.
Cheating: Cheating is possible, and can happen, can even be considered romantic in some sense. (“They trust me so much they’ll cheat on me knowing I’ll forgive…”)
Divorce: A divorce is not going to happen. Will fight with everything they’ve got to preserve the relationship.
Expects everyone wants this or there is something wrong with them. May try to force the issue as they insist people who don’t want a relationship with them have “commitment issues” or “fears of intimacy”.
Once this group learns that just WANTING love doesn’t mean you’re going to get love, and once they’ve beaten up in love a few times over, they either revert back to the previous stage or go forward into the next… In this phase, people learn that they CAN love deep, that they CAN form a wonderful relationship, and they start rising their bar a bit. Once they no longer find it amazing that true love exists, they will start seeking for something higher still, but that road will be rocky.
Love Song playlist for this group
the Old Souls* thinking cautious expectation
The “normal relationship”.
This is not so much an ideal as a realistic expectation. Driven by a need to have a permanent life and a sex partner, someone to share a life and children with. Very realistic goals. May or may not involve children. Norm driven.
May follow several different logically concluded methods of managing relationships. They may be polyamorous “because you cannot expect to get everything from one person”, or monogamous “because polyamory is unrealistic”, and they may accept cheating “because you cannot expect a person to stay in love with just one person for the rest of their lives”.
Their approach to relationships is practical. It’s to share expenses, share the workload, and a mortgage.
Believes everyone who is seeking something more romantic than this has something wrong with them.
Hidden wish and a dream: What the partners wish for deep down is a True Emotion Mirror relationship but they DO NOT BELIEVE in the possibility of it. They TRULY have arrived at the conclusion it is a childish, non-realistic dreamy-eyed wish that will not pan out in the real world, so they LIVE WITH the way things are and not moan about it.
A big part of the romance of this type is to LET GO of the wish for something bigger, more romantic, and something sexier. It is seen as “the grown up” variation of the Old Souls* thinking love, but is truly giving up on the actual mature relationship that they want.
This is not a NEEDY relationship, it is somewhat detached according to the Old Souls* thinking ideal of not tying anyone to yourself by force. Based on mutual decision to stay together FOR NOW.
Dares to love nobody fully. Expects NO LOVE to be a given.
Reality: Usually very realistic expectations, may get a sudden hit of reality when one of the partners meet and fall in love with their True Emotion Mirror and “loses their mind” and “starts acting like an idiotic teen ager”. May find it difficult to accept that true love can interrupt a realistic marriage/relationship.
Cheating: Cheating can happen, many different ways to coping with it without breaking the relationship. Usually taken as “such is life”.
Divorce: Divorce is a real possibility, not particularly feared but accepted as a part of the possible outcomes of a relationship.
Through trial and error, a few times of reverting back between different previous groups, they’ll find a connection to someone – probably by half accident, and they’ll move onto the next phase:
Love songs for this group
the Old Souls* thinking romance ideal
Ideal: True Emotion Mirror; Rise of standards and expectations: “I can have more”.
Highly romantic, highly sexual, deep intimacy, high emotion, non-breaking, non-compromising, all-consuming, 100% committed, full-blown, full force, all needs met, always sexual, non-family based, children are a possible added extra; a blessing, not a requirement or the point of the relationship.
The True Emotion Mirror is partly playful, exciting, fun and exciting, but also scary, difficult to settle into, complicated… It is easy to get one’s wires crossed, and this relationship can look very ugly or dysfunctional and even abusive on the outside while the emotions run deep and beautiful. (Unfortunately easy to confuse with the Young Soul* and the Old Souls* mismatch clash and rejection battles.)
The expectation: Usually, people with this ideal are very cautious about their expectations. They are constantly battling between being realistic and staying faithful to their dreams and goals. People with this ideal may be tempted to lower their expectations to the “normal relationship” level.
Cheating: May happen… Different couples and soups deal with it differently, but it is certainly not ideal or accepted as “just those things that happen”.
Divorce: is a THEORETICAL possibility rather than a realistic one; emotions will return these people together, even if they wanted a divorce logically.
Dares to love only the people who give them the permission to love them. They literally wait for a permission to love. Their songs ask for forgiveness for loving someone.
What gets in the way: The Doting Mirrors family orientation pushes these people towards families and focus on family relationships, both the birth family and starting one’s own: “You’re wasting your life on empty relationship goals, it’s all about the kids! You have to!” The realistic people urge them to stop dreaming about a happy ever after with someone fantastic and start being more realistic. “You’ll wind up with nothing if you don’t do this, you have to!” The Young Soul* Romantics: “You and I are both romantics, you have to start a relationship WITH ME, and I will devote my life to you, and if you don’t want it from me, there’s something wrong with you, you HAVE TO!”
For the record… These people KNOW what all of the rest of you are speaking of. They KNOW IT but in addition, they know something more, something else that they cannot live without. This relationship is the combination and culmination of all the lessons learned above. It is releasing of fear and trusting one’s instincts and love.
They do not want to NOT have what you all have, they simply know it all has to be based on THIS LOVE, everything that you wall want is based on THIS type of love, ALL TRUE LOVE is based on a) The realistic knowledge that you can’t be loved by everyone, b) the realistic knowledge that your family members won’t always love you, c) the need for intimacy combined with the knowledge that you can’t be loved by just everybody and that you can’t fall in love with just somebody but that it has to be special…
All of these factors come together to form the basis of true love. Once you have THIS LOVE, THEN you can build friendships, form a family, and return to your parents and birth family, but NOTHING WILL HAPPEN until this love is real, formed, secured, and established fully.
Love songs playlist for this group.
In addition
Finally, the first phase of all of these groups is the most fearful or mistrusting one. There are people who do not trust any love from any human but rely fully on either animals or gods, angels or the like for their love. They idealize and elevate the love of either animal or spiritual beings, inanimate objects, or other imaginary creatures to feel loved and trusting in love.
This group falls off the scope of this blog, but just as a note.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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