Romantic; finding a balance between naivety and cynicism

Everything you read about romantic relationships is either trying to restore your trust in romance or warn you of overt naivety when it comes to relationships. My texts are a balance of both. Trying to find the balance point between a blind nativistic trust that no matter where I turn, true love is always waiting, and realistic trust that OK, true love might not be EVERYWHERE, (and it shouldn’t,) but it still exists.

To whom my texts sound naive are probably quite cynical as they are, and for those, to whom my texts sound cynical, are probably currently very naive about love and relationships. And trust you me – both groups exist. I get criticism from both sides, which, to me, sounds promising; I think I’ve got the balance quite right.

Cynics

I must say, that although I was quite well-rounded when I was younger, I did eventually err on the side of cynicism myself when things didn’t start to go toward the rose-colored romantic happy ending as I was expecting them to go. The fact is, we hear such things as “true love doesn’t exist” a lot, and that “you can’t have both love and sex” in one relationship, and “one person cannot be everything to you”, and all of these thoughts I put down to cynicism, rather than realism.

The fact that I strongly support polyamorous values doesn’t mean I don’t believe in the possibility of monogamous true love, not at all, it’s just that I didn’t use to think one person could truly fall in love more than once in a lifetime – a cynic as I was. A cynic also believes that if you fall in love twice and can’t tell the difference, you haven’t even been in love yet – but if that’s true, I can’t wait what true love is if this is just some puppy love getting there. 😀 So if THOSE people are right, hey, we live in a happy, happy world indeed… But no. I absolutely don’t think people who think monogamy is the only way true love exists actually know what they’re talking about.

the Dog Thinker love and the Cat Thinkers Love and how the difference turns us all cynical

the Dog Thinker want a love that already exists to be the thing… Or, the relationships that already exist to turn into true love. When that doesn’t happen, that turns the Dog Thinker cynical. When the Dog Thinker won’t allow a Cat Thinkers to keep searching for the love of their life, the amazing feeling they wish to feel for someone truly special, and they find themselves locked into the lackluster love affair that already exists, that turns the Cat Thinkers cynical.

the Dog Thinker turn cynical when relationships end, the Cat Thinkers turn cynical when they can’t find what they wanted all along.

Naivety

Naivety in love is more or less solely the Dog Thinker problem but caused by the Cat Thinkers. As the Cat Thinkers are on their way to true love, they form temporary relationships a lot – and they think that’s how everyone does it. And a lot of people do, about 50% of people find it absolutely normal that relationships are largely temporary… Sometimes even marriages are entered into with a conscious: “Well let’s see how that goes” attitude, rather than a true life long commitment – particularly when the Dog Thinker is pressuring a Cat Thinkers to enter a commitment against their true will… Thinking they’re “just scared” to do it… When in fact, they’re reluctant and aware that the relationship isn’t 100% what they want.

the Dog Thinker are quilty of rather naively believing that every person who is in their lives now will remain in it, or that every person who has accepted them as a friend, means it to be life-long. This isn’t the case, but it’s difficult to convince the Dog Thinker, whose trust in relationships is about as strong as a toddler’s trust that mommy and daddy will always be there, no matter what.

Reality is somewhere in between

When it comes to romance, the reality is somewhere in between “all relationships will always last” and “no relationship will ever last”. It should be a given, really. Reality is also, that even though EVERYBODY is looking for true love, that doesn’t mean that everyone who is looking for true love can be successfully happy with anybody else looking for that permanent loving relationship.

Some people understand this very realistic fact from childhood, to some, it will never truly crystallize as the truth. However, it is what it is. While it is unnecessary to throw hope out the window entirely, let me reassure you to trust that true love is real – you just have to figure out how it works.

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