Runner – Chaser dynamic before the break up

Before discussing anything about running and chasing dynamics between True Emotion Mirrors , I must mention that there are various reasons why people run from a relationship even in the case of real True Emotion Mirror -relationships. Sometimes, also, what looks to one half like running is actually not running at all. In this case, it’s a case of miscommunication between True Emotion Mirrors who approach the relationship from two different angles: typically one (the male) is offering marriage to prove his love, while one is offering a sexual romance to prove her love, (the female). This is a very typical confusion, because of the way we’ve learned to stereotype genders.

As most of you know True Emotion Mirrors are often driven separate by the intensity of the relationship. What we all want to avoid is this break up that too often leads to a permanent (or long) separation. The chaser and runner dynamic is often present before the break up occurs. What happens here is that the other feels driven into a corner and the other feels the other isn’t giving their all to the relationship – and that they might leave… Sadly, if the chaser doesn’t stop, the runner will keep running: “How do I stop them from running?” “Stop chasing.”

Check out the love tests -category. These posts explain different motivations behind weird behavior.

Insecurity; am I loved, am I wanted, am I welcome?

Women must know that men need a WHOLE LOT of reassuring in a relationship like this, and men need to know women need it, too. Women often need to hear you’ve chosen THEM, knowingly and for what reason, where as men need to hear they are not an awful human being, particularly sexually speaking. Men are conditioned to think their hands make women dirty, their desires are dirty, and rubbing things together is vile and low. As they feel this way, they may feel that the woman they love is better off with someone less vile and disgusting.

Out of my league

Both running and chasing stem from insecurity: the belief that your soulmate is way out of your league and that they couldn’t possibly love you. Even if you knew they did; they might have told you so, but you still believe they really don’t love you because they don’t really know you… Or that they don’t love you enough to stay. The runner may fear that they are a second runner up to someone else, a back up plan, and that their True Emotion Mirror really doesn’t love them. They may fear that the intensity is too strong to last forever (it’s false or passing, hormonal) so they will end it before it goes up in flames. They may believe that the chaser’s love is based on false information about them would be a big mistake. There are many fears, from “they are using me” to “I’m not good enough for them”.

Commitment

Chasing within the relationship is seen by the chasers wish to ‘secure the relationship’, to get a commitment out of the runner. This is scary to the runner, because (often) he fears that the chaser will change into a completely different person the minute she gets a ring on her finger. This stems from the Normal Person* thinking behavior that expects people to change after commitment into a “spouse” personality, so this might have happened to the runner before: they’ve found someone perfect, and the minute they’ve got a ring on, they change into an exact image of their own mother or father.

A True Emotion Mirror is in love with the person you are now, and doesn’t want you to change. They want you the way that you are forever.

Games are a bad idea with True Emotion Mirrors

Runners usually hate playing games. This is one of the reasons why they run, because they are being subjected to games of all sort. They may either hate them or simply not understand them.

Jealousy games, pretending that “I’m not interested now”, and that sort. Runners hate drama. They want things evolve on their own, move into the relationship in peace and at it’s own pace, not forcing things. They may also be trying to consider everyone else involved and stop themselves from rushing into anything that they’d regret later. (Usually a male approach.) A runner doesn’t want to spoil things by moving too fast, but a chaser sees their reluctance to move forward as a sign of hesitation, lack of love and lack of commitment and they want to squeeze that promise out of them as soon as they can.

This is where the chaser usually makes a mistake, they scare the runner away with too much force. The runner thinks that if this was meant to be, all this force would not be needed. It would happen on it’s own and I wouldn’t feel this cornered! They fear (even if they knew this wasn’t the case) that the intensity in the beginning was somehow ‘created’ by this intense person who is just too fired up for them, and that they are rushing things because THEY KNOW IT WON’T LAST! The runner decides that the chaser knows deep down that they need to lock this in soon, because the runner is soon going to learn exactly why they are in so much hurry. (You are too good to be true and you know it.)

Suspicion; I’m not that amazing, why do you think I’m that amazing? Why do you want me for?

The runner can also be very suspicious about the chasers other motives, because they don’t see themselves nearly as lovable as the chaser does. To them, they’ve always been the same, same ol’ same ol’ but for some reason the chaser is head over heels for them, but WHY?! There must be something terribly wrong! Every time the chaser pulls a soulmate insanity stunt, goes batshit on them, the runner goes: “Why I KNEW IT! They’re INSANE! No normal person would love me! It takes a nut job to love me doesn’t it?! I sure know how to pick ’em!” So they choose the less intense, less insane, safe, secure option, the person who is… Same ol’ same ol’… Might not be as interesting, but at least the relationship is normal. They look back at the chaser’s drama and even if they’d feel the love, they don’t want to put themselves through that again… Fucking hell… … until they no longer can stay away, that is.

This is is not limited to sexual soulmates by the way, also friends can get this way.

Also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know that not everyone who rejects or dumps you is a True Emotion Mirror. Also, not everyone who YOU would give your right arm to have feels the same way about you. But then again, if you are thinking about a real True Emotion Mirror, you’ve already thought about that.

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