Runners Perspective; both Enigma Runner and True Emotion Mirror Runner

Enigma Runner

An Enigma is a person who is so versatile and attractive that a lot of people find them “just about right”. Everybody’s 9.8, with just a few tweaks, if you will. With some people, it could be like “perfect if they were gay/straight,” and it is difficult for a bisexual in particular to see the difficulty in turning bi.

I am one of those people who is an Enigma to a lot of people. I do a lot of running too, but never so much as after being ‘tagged’ by a few lesbian spirits that… took a shining to me. For longest time I didn’t realize what they wanted out of me because I’m probably the most heterosexual woman on the planet. 😀 I understand why the sisterhood and the pleasure shared amongst women is beautiful, but when I’m being tangled up in that, I scream bloody murder.

Anyway, these women decided I had simply oppressed my own sexuality. They KNEW every woman was at least bisexual, and they believed that my absolute adoration of men was simply a sign of me trying to hide my own lesbianism. This was even though I am genuinely overjoyed in male company, love them through and through, and come alive only when there are men around. All things that they had a perfectly good vantage point to observe. And yet, they decided I was theirs.

If you have ever had an overly eager admirer who simply doesn’t get it, you know what I’m talking about. You feel like they think so highly of themselves that they simply cannot phantom the thought that someone might not want to sleep with them. Something about their genitalia, to them, is so precious and amazing that they cannot understand how anyone would say no to it! Their love is better, superior and more divine than anyone else’s, and that is simply because they feel those feelings for you… Aaand who could blame them, but hell, those feelings don’t always go returned! There is no amount of convincing a person like this, but it serves a purpose; it is a type of Demonic Phase of a relationship, where the resolve to stay just friends is tested.

My feelings toward them are clear. I do want to be friends, but distant friends. I don’t hate them, and on an occasion, I have a good laugh with them, but I do not in any shape desire them, not their bodies nor their company – not in the way I desire the company of men. They often mistake my friendliness for friendship and desire to take things further. They see my resistance falling, and they get energised and hopeful again that they are making progress. (Granted, I recognise this feeling towards my True Emotion Mirror; I’ll describe it later.) So, my friendliness gets them a new wind, after I thought we were in the clear about us not being true friends even if we did have fun together sometimes (not sexually speaking, either).

At the worst of times with them, I could feel their heart chakras burning for me. They felt like tentacles. There is no good feeling associated with that on my part. It feels nauseating. They have no right to think of me as their own, and their feelings are misplaced. There is certainly no fear of MY OWN intense feelings involved, and if there are intense feelings, they would be, after a long run and chase, the desire to tear them into pieces and kill them so that they’d leave me in peace. Their passes are unwanted, and even though they are women, not any less intrusive than those of a man of similar attitude. I just want them to fuck off. As soon as they are gone, I’m fine. My world is sunny and bright, and I’m in an excellent mood… Usually, it’s the type that attracts them back to me – telepathically. And yes, I am certain, 100%, that there is no future for us in that sense.

True Emotion Mirror Runner

I admit, a lot of what I wrote there describes my True Emotion Mirror’s feelings when I was chasing him emotionally. (Chasers rarely do this in the sense of calling them or following them or insisting of talking to them, but simply clinging onto them emotionally.) I tried my hardest to keep my feelings in check because I hate that sort of clinginess and reminded myself that he has the right to call his own shots and I should just wait patiently. I stopped, and he started talking to me, but at the instance that I got my hopes up, he withdrew again. So that does fit with an Enigma Runner. It is the reason for his running that is different, also the chasing behaviour is a lot less obsessive with a True Mirror than with an Enigma Chaser; A True Mirror fears rejection like mad, both of them, both the runner and the chaser are afraid of rejection, where as an Enigma Chaser cannot quite phantom the idea why they should be rejected. A True Mirror Chaser only chases to a safe distance. When the Runner stops, the Chaser prepares to run. Advancement is usually terribly slow or requires a Crash Boom Bang -approach, straight through the wafer-thin but sore walls.

In my perspective, I can tell you why I ran from my most obvious True Mirror during a past life. I was confused. There was no way I could have told him to leave me, I simply wanted him at a distance. The thought of him leaving me was terrifying, just the same as the thought of him coming too close. I didn’t know what to make of him, as I didn’t believe in reincarnation, and I was battling societal norms and my religion. I felt fear, because everything about him was dangerous, but at the same time I wanted him more than anything or anyone… more than anyone could verbally describe! And yet, I wanted him to keep his distance! I wanted him at a distance because I knew I couldn’t resist him for long enough to make some kind of a plan of action, something that didn’t ruin the rest of my life, something that would save me from destroying everything I believed in just because I wanted him so much. I knew he was destruction, but also my liberator. If he had tried me, for even a second (which he later did) I would have lost my resolve against him. That is a proper reason to run. An Enigma can take an endless barrage of “I want yous” and “I love yous” and “I know we’d be good togethers” and tell you to please quit. They can resist you endlessly. A True Emotion Mirror cannot unless they run and hide. (This is why they often lose contact entirely.)

The True Emotion Mirror runs out of confusion, fear of breaking societal or religious rules, out of duty – these were all his reasons too in this life. His religion, Atheism, didn’t allow stuff like that to happen. I was his best friend’s girlfriend, and the ‘bro code’ kept us apart from day one.  That was his duty. His eyes always told me a different story than his mouth did, but yes, I should talk to him about this first before I decide this is what happened with him – maybe he is an Enigma to me that I can’t let go of, but I know from personal perspective, that there is a  clear difference between my emotions towards these women and him.

As I have said, the True Emotion Mirror bond is a choice. You CHOOSE what you want to be and who you want to live your life with. There ARE potential partners for you out there, and they come in all sorts of packages. It is your choice that reflects who you are. If these people didn’t exist, you wouldn’t have a choice. Each choice is equal in value, but you always give up on something else if you choose one path over the other. This is all a value question. Your feelings toward your Personality Mirrorsand even Enigma are valid, but it is his choice, his right as a free spirit to tell you no, and not have those feelings for you. They exist in a state of potential, but there is no WAY you break through to them if they truly don’t want you to, if their higher wish is something else. In my group, it is essential to us, that we are polyandrous. Adding just one woman would ruin the dynamic. It would be too easy on us – and that is a choice we make. That means, that sometimes even True Mirrors choose different to what you want them to choose. Some choose marriage to a Partial Mirror because they believe that is what they need to do right now even if it was against their true wishes. That is when you can see if they would be happier out of the marriage for instance, but let them be the judge of what is right for them.

You must also ask yourself this: Do you accept, on a theoretical level, that they might not be in love with you? Do you UNDERSTAND why someone would not love you? If you don’t really, then you’re on a dangerous turf. Even when you get a heated “NO” but you can see it in their eyes they can’t say it with conviction, you still should be able to comprehend that you are not the only one who could love them, and that they probably have plenty to choose from – after all they are an amazing person, and as cool as you are, you might not be what they want. This is something you need to accept as a theoretical chance at least, even if you knew deep down they loved you.

Read more on True Mirror Runner’s feelings

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