Say goodbye to loyalty – say hello to true love and friends

I’ll declare a ban on loyalty. It is the enemy of true love and friendship, as it so easily ties you to the wrong people, systematically abusive people included.

There’s a trick of course. Eventually, you’ll find people who are more important to you than anyone else, and you’ll spend your days making sure that they’ll stay alive, healthy, and vital because all of that is the number one priority to you. Out of selfish reasons – because it would hurt you too much to lose them – you do all these things for them, but if you do things in order to “be loyal” as a character trait, you’re putting the cart in front of the horse. Loyalty should not be a trait of a single person, it should be regarded a trait of a relationship.

Loyalty is not a character trait, it’s a feeling toward another person or group. Do not treat it as a character trait. Drop everything and everyone that is not going to mean that much to you if they’re there or not – do not gift loyalty. Do not allow loyalty to be guilted or shamed from you. Be loyal when it gives you pleasure to be, and when it’s no longer something you do for another person, but it’s something you do for yourself.

Drift from a relationship to a relationship until you’re done drifting

Stop giving yourself virtues based on how long your relationships last. Stop doing patchwork on your relationships, just so you’d look like the right kind of a person. Drop the ego you hold in regards to how long-lasting your relationships are. You are not a bad person even if your relationships don’t last. You may be a bad/naive person that causes your relationships to fail against your own intent, but don’t confuse forcing your relationships into the permanent status and working on your issues to be the same thing. Don’t use your relationships as a status symbol, when you haven’t yet fixed the problem that causes them to break so easily.

Do not make life-long promises to temporary friends and lovers.

Essentially, drift from a person to person or a group to group, until you truly feel like you’ve found your home… And don’t lie to them, and especially don’t lie to yourself about the importance of any given relationship you have.

A friend will let you stay even if you’re going away tomorrow. If they can’t let you stay for a night without a commitment to stay for a lifetime, they’re not a friend… Not your true love, not your precious soulmate, not worth crying about.

Should you thrive to stand the test of loyalty in a relationship?

There are people who test your loyalty CONTINUOUSLY. Every day you’re with them. They feel that loyalty to a nice person is no real loyalty at all, so they put you through crap on a daily basis to test your loyalty. Only an IDIOT will stay in a relationship like that. (Idiots like that wisen up all the time, tho. They truly do.)

Stop making it a source of your personal pride to be abusable and loyal. It is nothing to admire a person for. Admire people who see someone treating them badly, standing up and saying: “You know what… I’m going to go home/somewhere else. I have a rusty nail to stare at there, and it’s better company to me than you are.”

ANYTHING is better than being loyal to an abusive person, just make that into a freaking #1 relationship rule for yourself.

1. Do not allow others to speak disrespectfully to you. Don’t respond with disrespect but a conversation unless you’ve already decided to leave them. Disrespect = broken relationship.
2. Do not allow others to take advantage of you in a way that puts you in a disadvantage.
3. Do not continue to sacrifice your own happiness to the happiness of others, if it never goes the other way around in that relationship or is otherwise not worth the sacrifice. It’s a fool’s errand.
4. Do not associate with people who are unnecessarily rude toward other people, either.
5. And obviously, do not stick around for people who think it is okay to hit you. Also, make a note when you begged for being punched, but leave anyway, because that person REALLY wants you gone… If they don’t then they deserve a lesson in what hitting another person means in a civilized society. Don’t get angry, feel contempt. UTTER, FULL, COMPLETE contempt toward a person who thinks they can be physically violent toward you and still keep you around.

Stop being loyal – start making real friends

Loyalty breeds bad relationships. It supports bad abusive relationships. People who demand loyalty have already established that they are going to be abusive toward you, and you will need to tolerate that in order to meet their approval. For how long, however? When will they be satisfied that you’ve earned your stripes? My guess? Never. You may also mistake someone’s TRUE attempt to drive you away as they have NO interest in staying in a relationship for you as a test of loyalty when it truly isn’t. There is NO reasonable reason to sit through abusive behavior hoping it would stop one day. It won’t. It never will. It NEVER will until SOMEONE teaches that person what it means when people are abusive to each other.

Once you stop thinking it to be a question of pride that you’d take a log up your butthole to prove loyalty to someone, you will start making real friends. Sure, they won’t keep you close from day one, and you will have to build rapport with them, you’ll have to gradually build a bond. Even if you were together from day one it doesn’t feel OBVIOUS from day one, maybe, but it is because it’s not built on sick shit like demands of loyalty and tests of blind trust.

And if that sounds boring to you, you haven’t met a True Emotion Mirror yet. It’s probably because you’re stuck with someone currently busy trying to find a way to lodge that log up your butthole.

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