Should you stick around to give people endless time to reach closure after a breakup?

I must be a bit of a sucker for this, admittingly. Imagine breaking up with someone, and they keep tugging your sleeve to talk about it, or to understand it better, or to just feel sad together… Should you? This can be a strategy to drag the breakup along for so long, that you forget you were going to leave them. To just wear you out. If they’re lucky, they can keep you answering your phone and coming back to console your ex for years to come, until you feel too old to even dream about a new relationship. They may also want you to notice they’re still there, with you. Reliably even though you callously tried to break up with them – shame on you.

It is a fair thing to ask to talk about a breakup once. Once. Make it a long talk, maybe, but once you’re done, you’re done. Do not accept offers of “continuing this another time”, demand all questions they have on this sitting and then, you both move on. If they don’t respect this, block them. Delete the number, do what you need to to stop them from wallowing in it and hoping for a return.

Divorce talks may take longer simply because. However, have only as many personal conversations as absolute practicalities require and handle everything else through lawyers. Leave the emotional stuff to a good, long week worth of conversations. (Not week’s worth of hours, but if you break up on Monday, talk it through by Sunday.) Let your partner know if you have the slightest suspicion they might be this type. Better yet, before you decide to divorce have 3-6 months’ worth of couple’s counseling before you even file for a divorce. After that, be done with it.

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