Societal shame of sex directly creates sexual abuse victims

I must bring up something that is again turning things on its head to see if we could change a perspective and as a result make things a little bit better. I have been thinking of people’s view on rape a lot lately, and I think we have let our sexual oppression and fear of sexuality in general colour the way we feel about it and also transfer that fear to cultures that used to view rape as simply part of life and coexistence between a male and female of the same species. This requires an open mind, and seems to the surface to be okaying rape, but I want to bring this up for the benefit of women rather than men.

I had a conversation once with a woman who said that she got raped but didn’t report the rape because during the assault, she started to get wet and she wasn’t sure anymore if she was actually raped or if she wanted it. I assured her then that it was a perfectly natural reaction of the vagina to protect itself by getting wet, due to the simple mechanics of things, but I don’t think she bought it then. She seemed evasive for a moment and we dropped the topic entirely. She was a friend of mine and someone who didn’t fear men, before or after the event. Now, observing my own self, I have come to understand why she reacted this way.

There is also evidence to prove that the vast majority of women have sexual fantasies involving rape and even child abuse as themselves as the victim. What makes the thought of rape arousing is the idea that the man loses his control due to your sex appeal, the way you make him risk his entire life just to feel he has had you – once. And that, is an empowering thought. The thought also is a natural one for sexually submissive women, but who are stigmatised for taking a rape as if it was sexual play – society demands it to be an assault and unacceptable. It maybe even difficult for some women to read a report of a rape without getting aroused, a reaction that leads to a lot of guilty feelings because of their seeming inability to empathise with the victim.

Further, a man who is tempted to actually rape someone is not tempted by women who feel this way. A man who wants to rape (spoil, defile, devalue) a woman goes after the ones who feel shame, disgust and being violated at the thought of a rape. These are the true rapists that exist amongst us, and they react to the same societal shame that has put women on a pedestal and ironically thus in disadvantage and men in a power position, due to their ability to shame a woman (violently drop them off that pedestal) who didn’t want them at any time during the assault. But our inability to see this event honestly also makes the women who felt even the slightest tinge of excitement during the assault see herself in a terrible light AFTER the rape. They feel they are sick freaks and that there is something seriously wrong with them.

But what if there isn’t? This view is especially harmful with the adolescents who get “abused” by an older person. I am very inclined to believe paedophiles when they say that children don’t have that shame about sex and that it is their innocence that tempts them. Not to violate them, but to enjoy the purity of sex while it still lasts, to gently guide them into their sexuality before societal shame has been attached to the act. When we grow up, tons of rules will be attached to the sexual act, and it all takes away from that raw power that is sex. A child abuse victim is quick to learn that there was something wrong with them when they forgot to feel violated but felt in love. How could they possibly trust their emotions after a shock like that?

In this post series I will take a closer look at the psychology of different aspects of rape and societal shame associated with a sexual act, and hopefully will make my point clear. I want to empower women with this, and liberate our thinking to finally let go of outdated ideas of human sexuality.

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