Someone I love lets their parent abuse them – even now that they’re an adult. What do I do?

People get judged for not getting on with their parents, don’t they? Your loved one may try too hard to not be an argumentative pissy little teenager, even though they’re an adult and deserve respect. Their relationship with their parents isn’t a great one, for one reason or another, and it should have been their parent’s job to fix it. The truth is that most of us have innate tools for one type of relationship only, and if your tools are different from those your parents are using, you won’t know how to fix that relationship, nor do the parents. We reincarnate, and our relationship skills come from our previous families, but sometimes, we’re thrown into new situations that we don’t know how to handle. Anyway, the point is we CAN HAVE relationship skills that don’t match with those of our parents.

Therefore, you might want to tip your friend on this: If their parents are abusive, they expect their child to grow a pair and put up a fight. They’re trying to teach their kid to not be so soft and to stand up for themselves. But often, this type of people don’t tip their kids off verbally, as they teach their child like dogs teach their puppies… Barking and biting. Therefore, their more evolved child must relearn to bark and bite back.

You might also tell them that stupidly, their parents may just be barking to get their child’s attention.

However, you might understand how your loved one is; they may not want to stoop to that level, so you may want to just inform them that you wouldn’t blame them for walking away. They may feel like you’re judging them for NOT ARGUING with their parents, but not even notice they could just… Leave them be.

Don’t PUSH your opinion in here, just put some thoughts into their head. “You could”, “I wouldn’t blame you if…”, “If you want to do X, I’ll be 100% with you…”

Give your friend permission to be a bad person, or perhaps not bad but at least not selfless to the point of self-sacrificing. Their definition of what a nice person would do here is what is dictating their actions and limiting their choices in taking action. Talk to them about that, and give them permission to do anything that is still legal.

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