Sometimes you have to fight “the flow”.

“The flow” is the combination of energies surrounding you. All the people in your life, all animals, all living things that are in any way in contact with you combine into what spirituality sometimes calls “the flow.” The trouble is that not all of this energy is smart or aligned with what you want. It contains the energy of the unevolved, equally to the consciousness of the evolved. You can, of course, decide to go with the flow and wait until everyone else around you have reached the state of non-attachment and spiritual enlightenment, after which you will flow into your place, but the chances of that happening in the next million years are slim to none.

Do you have the patience?

A part of the flow includes YOUR needs.

Some people argue that spiritual people should give up all individual needs and go with the flow and serve the needs of the flow. However, you are an equal player to everyone else in the flow. YOUR needs matter the same way as someone else’s. When you always give up YOUR needs, someone with a sense of entitlement will take advantage of you. That’s fine if you like your life that way, but I say most of us do not.

Many people believe our needs are the same; to be loved, accepted, and included in our existing communities and family. Therefore, they don’t see how you’d feel trapped in the flow, as it pulls you toward a life you truly don’t want.

We all came into this world as equal beings. You matter as much as anyone else matters. Anyone who thinks you should give up on your needs because their needs matter more is simply a selfish person. Do you want to give your life to entities that are inherently only concerned about their own good? If so, go right ahead, but there’s more.

What your soulmates think you want is one thing. What you do want is another.

In your spirit circles, there may be people who you don’t truly even understand why they’re there. You may think that they are simple extras in the movie of your life, when in fact, they may be the scriptwriters or play the second lead. There are plenty of ways how you get entangled with people who you have barely noticed existing, that you mean the world to. Imagine handling a homeless shelter’s soup line. Every day, you give soup to a person. You don’t remember doing that, but to them, you are a lifeline. To you, you’re just helping fellow beings, to them, you are the very angel that gives them life.

And they want to repay your kindness. Sadly, that is not always great news for you.

I’m not saying don’t help others, not at all, I’m just saying you’ll have to be smart about the ways you do it. Unless you’re there to make personal friends with the ones you’re helping, appearing cold and aloof is the best way to do it. People who need food will take it from someone aloof, while people who are looking for love will go hungry until they get their food from someone loving.

Avoid making accidental soul bonds. (This is why I don’t usually answer your questions one-on-one.)

What is an authentic feeling of flow, what is a belief?

There are times when we feel the need to strategize and plan. As we all love authenticity and a natural way of being and doing things, strategies and plans are sometimes things that seem counterproductive to an authentic, soul-need-based lifestyle. This can go against one’s flow or with the flow.

It is easy to mistake one’s habits and beliefs for one’s own authenticity. Our preconceptions work as a part of the flow. The preconceptions, by the way, include our belief in love connections between ourselves and others. We are systematically trained to “show love” for people who we are “supposed” to love, most obviously, our family members, and nobody suspects that love might not always be authentic. Despite the fact that we are led to fake emotions, fake caring, by giving fake hugs, fake gifts, and fake attention and interest, there are people who take these acts of superficial affection for the real thing and assume you love them because you are doing as you’re told. These same people believe that love between family members is automatic and guaranteed. Therefore, they don’t doubt a child’s hug even though their mom just told the kid to give granny a hug. (For the record, I loved my granny and didn’t need to be told to hug her, but I was told to, often, which I believe made granny think I didn’t like hugging her. She was the sweetest – and no, they are not always.)

Regardless, those relationships can be taken for granted by some people who have no idea who you are, what you want, or why you want it. If these people include people who are, for instance, profoundly selfish and self-serving, and you are profoundly altruistic and selfless, they will interpret all of your selfless actions as a pretense that is intended to impress someone or to fool someone into thinking you’re a good person. Selfish people don’t believe in good people, they only believe in selfish people and fake love. But they still may believe you love them despite them being selfish and horrible people. (And selfish horrible people are loved too, don’t get me wrong, we always tend to love it when our most loved ones are acting selfishly because that makes it easy to love them and to indulge them. It is all very complicated. Hang on.)

This is why sometimes a person acts around you in a way that takes your love for granted because you’ve pretended you loved them and they believed you. The same way, you can pretend as if you didn’t love or care for someone when in fact you did, and… They believed you.

And sometimes, this creates a flow that is based on ideas like “you live to make me happy. I will help you to live so you can make me happy”.

Shunning vs. giving a person another chance vs. explaining to them why the relationship is over.

There are several methods to end a relationship with people who damage your flow. Some of us like to explain our decision, while others want another chance to fix our ways. They take the explanation as a new chance to improve themselves. These people expect the end of the relationship to be a form of “shunning”, or “ghosting”. Then again, people who believe they are loved can shun you just to teach you a lesson, so none of these methods is really foolproof in terms of ending a relationship effectively.

The only sure way to end a relationship is complete radio silence for A LONG TIME. To vanish out of their lives without a trace. This is hardly an “in the flow” kind of action, as it requires deliberate action that often goes directly against everything that you are likely to believe in, as such stonewalling is both cruel and unnecessary. But it isn’t.

This is what is the trouble. What you consider authentic or natural is not the same thing as what another person considers to be authentic or natural. One person attacks a person who they want to make friends with, another shows them respect and love. One person gives you boundaries to show you love, another gives you all the freedom you can handle. This is why sometimes, to make a point, you have to go against your own flow; to attack a person you want to protect, to crowd a person you completely respect, to tell someone you need them with you when you don’t want to make yourself a bother to them.

You just need to figure out how each major player in your life thinks – and who they are.

If you accept everything, people think you don’t care.

A part of being in the flow means that you have to accept all fate that comes to you. Whatever happens, you’ll simply accept it. (This, also, can make people with a god-complex think you love them. Don’t ask.) But if you accept someone’s request for divorce without even trying to make them change their mind, if you let your ex keep your child during a divorce without a fight because you don’t want that kid to grow up on a battlefield, they may think you don’t care. If you give up a job hunt at the first no, they may think you don’t want the job rather than you truly feel it would be too much of honor anyway… A lot of the time disrespect and selfishness are mistaken for wanting it and love, while respect and feeling humbled by someone or something are interpreted as not caring.

All of these things make living in the flow a risky business.

You have to find the balance between fighting and letting go. Steering without steering.

But still. It’s nowhere near simple to do.

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