Spiritual self-sabotage until you learn to avoid past life’s mistakes

This post was published from a draft mode, FYI

If you feel stuck in your life, somehow, examine your goals. What if you get what you want? What will be your problem? Imagine your past self holding onto you to dear life: “You ain’t going there until you figure this out. Until you’re PREPARED FOR THIS.”

I have a young friend, who is a VERY attractive young man, technically speaking. Smart, successful, handsome as f. Acts like a baby. Very offputting to a grown female. I know in his past life, he’s been a real ladies’ man. So over-indulged in sexual attention from women, he let himself be drowned in… Well, shall I call it? P***y. I also figure he has made himself something he finds sexually inferior just so he’ll keep off the ladies. He has to learn he doesn’t have to fuck every woman who wants him. That’s his lesson.

I tweaked to it as he kept saying: “I don’t want to be a fuck boy.” I was like… “DUDE. Before you can be called a fuck boy, you have had to fuck a few women.” But his fear seemed absolutely authentic. So I looked into his past life a little. “Oh well, that makes sense. You were a bit of a dick, really.”

For me, I know I am made of money

Currently, I have what… 230 AUD in my bank account. Can’t make money if my life depended on it. I can’t bring myself to go the final hurdle. There is no mystery to me what I SHOULD do, but I can’t make myself take the steps I need to fill my bank account in… Ah right. Bank accounts don’t get filled. They just get zeroes added to them which is great for me because having a money vault like Uncle Scrootch takes a lot of space.

I know it seems like the most insane thing to say that if there’s something in this world I know how to make, it’s money. So the thing is, the thing that you KNOW how to do is often the very block in your way when your spirit decides you need to learn something YOU DON’T KNOW how to do.

Writing these theories is a huge priority for me. I need them to be… As good as is humanly possible. But I don’t want to drown in guilt if someone misunderstands me or misuses my theories. That’s one thing. I don’t want to leave room for widespread misinterpretations if my texts will be interpreted as God’s word like they’ve been in a past life.

But money must create some threat for me, directly

But I think there might be something else that threatens me if I allow myself to finally make money. And it something I must agree to be a problem – I know my karmic soulmates have their misgivings about my money, but as long as I don’t agree with them, it can’t be the real issue. If I’m not willing to change in something, I wouldn’t put myself into a situation where a change is a must.

I know one thing I taught myself is to not be as generous as I was in a previous lifetime. To not give the impression I love people I don’t love by being too loose with my money. That has been an actual problem.

Too much money to enjoy it

When I was 17, I wrote into a notebook: “Never seek an income that will prevent you from pampering yourself with something that is too expensive.” This, I realize is still a problem. I get so much pleasure buying the smallest thing now because I haven’t got much. New nail polish is a financial investment, and it feels indulgent.

I saw myself in a vision with one of my rich True Emotion Mirrors. I don’t want his money, because I’d feel that over-indulgence in it. Having it too easy. So easy it give me no pleasure. In the vision, I was with him, but I had made my own money. I LOVED the feeling of it. I walked into a clothing store somewhere in USA, knowing I could afford anything in there. Picked up stuff that I didn’t even glance the price on, piled it up onto the counter.

The lady gave me a price, and I scoffed. “Is THAT ALL? Forget it. I’ll go somewhere where they know how to charge a rich bitch.” I know I MUST feel like I can buy something that is EXPENSIVE. I used to collect Barbie, but I felt despair when I saw a rich child playing in her pink plastic bliss of Barbies. “You are playing with the same shit I was playing as I was a kid?! How is that fair?! Your dad is rich!” Don’t get me wrong. I love Barbie, it’s just that rich people’s kids’ Barbies should be made of porcelain and live in real scale mahogany houses.

I must, I think, learn to enjoy money even when I can’t INDULGE with it. The joy has to come from somewhere else. I think of money like a poor person, even if I know how to make it. Its value, to me, is linked to it being DIFFICULT to have, and if it is not difficult, I don’t find joy in it. It is possible I would even resent my True Emotion Mirrors if they would give me everything money can buy. Still, I can’t find the motivation to make just enough to live on, either.

Drugs and alcohol

I know I have over-indulged in drugs and alcohol in the past, but that was money or no money. It was a lesson I learned at the age of 8, “I can’t touch that stuff”, it was only as if I needed a reminder. My dad saw young kids getting drunk at a local hangout and sat myself and my brother on his knees, one on each, and said: “Please don’t ever drink, alright?” And I said: “I won’t.” And I have never found a good enough reason to break that promise. To me, it was a holy promise.

Later, dad mentioned that he has never drunk because he fears he’d like it too much. And instantly, I felt I was the same way. So no drinks. Never. Not even a sip. Sometimes, we just have the exact right people to tell us the exact right thing at the right time. Because that’s what soul-bond friends do.

Granted, I’ve now found ONE good enough reason to drink… ONCE. If I ever get to share a vintage rhum with Johnny Depp and Joe Perry – who is, I think, my dad’s alt, I will. ONCE. One drink. And then, I’ll be done again.

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