Splits of your soul and your authentic self

Some years ago, I was writing about Twin Flames and scoffed at the idea of souls splitting: “SOULS do not split! That makes no sense.” I was right and wrong; Twin Flames are not created by a splitting soul – at least not all types of Twin Flames, but souls DO split, for several different reasons and several different confusing ways – it seems. At least, I cannot disprove this idea. Hopefully, it won’t STAY true forever, but we learn how to heal our spirits and remain whole from incarnation to incarnation – or immortality as it well maybe.

Core being

We all have an unchanging core self, that is what it is without changing much. It may change by it’s own will to change, but for the most part, what we are is pleasurable for ourselves to be, so there’s little to no reason to change the core being.

For several different reasons, this core gets manipulated; the expression of it. You hide your true self, your core, from view in order to gain acceptance and love from others. You adapt ideas, ways of being and doing things from others, and some of this is welcome and alters the core permanently, but a lot of it is simple fluff that shouldn’t be there.

Rejection and denial of parts of oneself

I do believe souls can split into more or less identical parts of self, that have the same core split into separate units due to several reasons, often in an attempt to be a better version of self. Each splinter regards their own way of being the better one:

“I wouldn’t want to be a goody-two-shoe that will never get their way in life.” Would a part of me declare? “I would never want to be a self-serving gold-digger that uses others for their personal gain and have what I have through deception and lies”, would say the opposing part. When you balance the two, you get something like “I need to find a fun and exciting way to build a life for myself, even if sometimes I’d have to fake it a little, so I can get what I want without ruining other’s life in the process.”

Denying dreams and goals

When you deny a dream or goal of yours, as impossible, shallow, materialistic, vain… you name it, you’ll create an aspect of yourself that lacks the trait that stops you from achieving it, while leaving in the traits needed for the dream.

I suspect, that the fact I wanted to date American rock stars while I was a 20-year-old in Finland, who’d never get anywhere NEAR a celebrity, particularly when I denied the wish as shallow, stupid, and stereotypical, I created a monster version of myself who didn’t have morals standing in her way as she chased down celebrities to date. I don’t know, but I have a person in mind who I think might be me lacking the qualities that would have made me worth dating, really, but she got there.

I also wanted to do a YouTube channel and dabble in historical clothing – and a near-identical version of me seems to be doing just that. (I’m not going to link.) The conflicting ideals of fighting vanity and need for attention and approval and acceptance, those things weren’t there to stop her from doing what she wanted.

Still, the Law of the Truest Wish applies… I wanted to figure out how the world works. And to do that, I had to ignore a lot of other wants. All of them, really.

Balancing act

As we deny one aspect of ourselves and remove it, another part of who we are goes off balance. For instance. If you remove all of your vanity and pride as a negative aspect, you’ll have nothing to be ashamed of anymore and you’ll start slipping down a slippery slope to Hyi Vittu – the spiritual state that I named as Hyi Vittu… Loosely translated as “eww fuck”, but the sentiment is stronger in my language. It’s the state where you can be covered in human excrement and be proud of yourself for not being ashamed.

Therefore, there is nothing wrong in its right place and nothing right in its wrong place, but also, each trait and feeling has a balancing feeling that needs to be there in order for a person to be… Well, balanced. You need to argue at times to stop yourself from being taken advantage of, you need to stand your ground without attacking others. You need self-restraint to not go overboard, but you can’t be all self-restraint and no self-defense otherwise, you’ll be walked all over.

Vanity is one of those great human traits that produces beauty into this world. Without vanity, nothing extraordinarily beautiful would be created. Then again, without humility vanity goes out of control and turns into entitlement. Without entitlement, again, you feel you deserve nothing and you work without being paid, serve others, and get walked all over, again. Humility is a trait that allows you to see your personal flaws, and vanity is a trait that drives you to fix them.

Changing the core instead of the surface

We are all thriving for perfection. It’s just that sometimes, perfection is in the imperfection. What each of us perceives as perfection is the exact representation of what each of us put out there – either fake or real.

You know how often we put on a new way of being as a joke, and it later becomes a habit and a part of who we are. Like Celeste Barber. I feel like she started out making fun of celebrities in the guise of making fun of herself, but she’s now been accepted and hailed by the celebrities, which has relaxed her into doing exactly what she set out to do: Make fun of herself and admiring the celebrities who make it look easy – which made her all the better as a comedian as the internal bitterness, self-loathing in the envy and blame of impossible body image and expectation vanished and gave way to authentic love for a good laugh.

If Celeste would want to change further, she’d have to accept the “impossible body image” as a superior, and thus make it into a goal for herself to be: “I want to be like you”, which is a humbling state for an adult especially, as you’ve spent So Many Years telling yourself the way YOU ARE is superior to the way another person is. Still… Envy. Whatever we envy is what we regard superior… And the only thing holding back is the denial that the envy is real.

(Make a note of things you envy, it’s like a shopping list of goodies, really. If you never envy others, you’ll never GET where they are. If you are stuck, the reason for is, probably, that you’re denying your feelings of envy.)

Take a look at people you hate

Take a look at people you hate and identify what you hate about them. Then, take a look at the things they do better than you, something you’d like for yourself despite the fact you hate that person.

For example, a former acquaintance of mine is a very controlling, self-centered, naive, but foolishly proud woman, who is not a great company and is in no way inspiring, but she has tons of friends around her. Why? Because she puts herself out there, expresses her feelings of need clearly, she calls people and chases them up for company, and although I don’t want to be like her, I could use a bit of that chase people up attitude for myself, because I keep losing touch with people who I love as I don’t want to be a fucking pest.

Other’s opinion

I believe we can also smother each other with parts of who we are layered over the top of other people’s true self. Imagine how your mother or father raised you in a certain way. It seems that there’s always that layer over you that keeps telling you to NOT do this but to DO that, and inside of this layer, you’re screaming for freedom.

This layer can also come from other people, like that feminist teacher that demands you to adopt her (or his) ideas about how a good feminist operates, or whatever profession you’re a part of sets standards for you to operate under, down to the level of your sexual orientation and the expression of it easily. How you dress, how you carry yourself, based on the views of your town people or your friends, your family, your new friends at YouTube…

All of that gives us a layer of behavior that is not authentic.

A rejected part of your soul and where it is

The way others want us to inspire us to cut sections of ourselves out and deny they’ve ever been there literally creates unwanted people. Vanity, sluttiness, money-hunger, attention-seeking, but also gullibility, being too good for your own good, wish to kill for the sake of it… There’s plenty to reject… Those parts don’t die. They move onto another person – either it is born as a separate human being entirely (imagine pure evil and where it came from; from some good person who didn’t want to accept their dark side to be a part of who they are) or it attaches itself to a host, that they use for their own personal gain and what it wants.

When you truly fear to be anything at all, you may reject everything about yourself and be left with just a bundle of self-loathing, fear, and insecurity. It is sometimes difficult to tell which part of you rejected the other part, but it being you, the decision to self-loathing was probably mutual.

The goal is to try and logically conclude why a certain aspect that you know you’ve rejected is a good thing, and why it should be allowed back in… And under what terms. For one thing… If your child-molesting killer side is out there alone, the better half of you cannot control it… I urge you to do some inner work, to get to the bottom of what you truly are and why you need to do the things you do – and never forget the opposite, the counter-weight. Always go through “why”. “Why do I want to molest children?” “Because I hate their innocence.” “Why do you hate their innocence for?” “It leaves them open for abuse.” MIND BLOWN, right? You want to teach them a lesson by subjecting them to the very danger you want to teach them to protect themselves from… That’s not the only reason why people molest children, but it is one of them.

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