Stages of True Emotion Mirror feelings
OK. The usual warnings: I may have not caught all of the nuances that maybe there. Still, I wouldn’t use that fact as an excuse to decide that the fact that your relationship sounds nothing like any of these stages is nothing to be concerned about in terms of that actually being your True Emotion Mirror.
Ground rules
I apologize for these warnings, but I’ve noticed them to be necessary. Please just check yourself.
“Unaware of their emotions” is not a thing
A True Emotion Mirror FEELS completely cold by their emotions toward their counterpart. They may ACT cold, for sure, to cover up massive emotions in a situation that is inconvenient, like simply being on a public place, formal situation, being married or in a committed relationship with someone else, you name it. It may also be a question of a taboo relationship such as a homosexual bond which is not permission to gay-rape someone, particularly in-the-closet gay and bi-women, who don’t know how gay relationships work yet, and who don’t realize that heterosexuality is an actual thing in women, too, need to hear that.
That is to say, that while being in the closet, in the case of homosexual pairings, is possible and very much a thing a) you may not use that as an excuse. b) you’re never SO far in the closet that you, yourself are not in ANY WAY aware of your desires toward the same gender, c) you cannot dictate to other person what they “should” feel for you simply because it would be convenient for you.
Not wanting to push one’s way to another person’s life by force IS a True Emotion Mirror thing
Often confused for disinterest, namely when True Emotion Mirrors play hard to get, things can get very messy very fast. True Emotion Mirrors are each other’s ideal partners. They BOTH feel that way about the other. “You are the perfect example of who and what I want”. Now, this causes a bit of a drama. MOST PEOPLE feel always not quite in their True Emotion Mirror’s league. POSSIBLE, but unlikely. They are quick to tell themselves that the other isn’t interested or whatever, and then react with disinterest themselves to protect their ego.
Still, many people genuinely don’t want to push their way into other people’s life, after having been a victim of such behaviors by the wrong people themselves. Therefore, there’s plenty of room for confusion in there, just bear that in mind as we move onto the actual post.
The only True Emotion Mirrors who will have it easy are teens or younger
I have concluded that the last age possible that True Emotion Mirrors meet and get together much without drama is before 20, and only if that’s their first-ever committed relationship. Everyone else is already too jaded or cynical “too adult” to get into it without drama. The irony. The world makes us… Unaware. A child or a teenager knows love. We get banged up and we lose our ability to trust our feelings and instincts if we don’t meet our True Emotion Mirror very early on to our life.
Too bad a couple who has met their True Emotion Mirror at freaking grade school will think they’re just mature and know how it works, and they’ll be very snobby about how much better at relationships they are when in reality, they have no idea and they were simply lucky to have met their True Emotion Mirror before they got cynical. Having said that… I don’t know if they’re lucky as they’ll never know how lucky they truly are. I don’t think I’d want that.
Stages (pre-relationship)
These are not in any particular order as not all of them fit into all relationships. The first one though is the goal before reaching the relationship itself.
Surrendered stage
Reaching the surrendered stage doesn’t, by all means, mean a relationship has been formed or that the other person has “surrendered”. What it means is the acceptance of emotional facts in oneself: “I am in love with you, will always be, and I will wait for as long as it takes for you to go through whatever you need to go through, and once you’re done, I’ll be here, waiting.” That is surrender.
What it isn’t is finally yielding under pressure once someone has pestered you for a relationship for long enough. That is also a thing, just doesn’t have anything to do with True Emotion Mirrors and everything to do with a one-sided ego-based crush of a Trail Companion*.
Grateful Stage
The Surrendered Stage is closely followed or preceded by the feeling of gratitude. “I love the fact you exist. My world is a better place because you live in it. I am grateful for knowing someone like you exists.” This is a very close feeling to what a true fan feels for their idol, a completely free-flowing love that expects nothing in return.
Doubt Stage
When you’ve been around the block a few times, and you’ve got a few rules worked out in your head, negative stereotypes build up for a certain type of an individual, if your True Emotion Mirror turns up, breaks some of your rules, dresses wrong, is interested in the things you have decided that rational people are not interested in… And they do all that, or some of that, and you start rejecting them simply because the package is wrong.
You might wonder why the Universe would put you together with someone so wrong for you.
Fix this: Imagine someone who is instantly perfect for you.
Are you bored? (It may not help, but hey. Try.)
The Panic Stage
In the panicked stage, a person who has met their True Emotion Mirror in some circumstance they don’t want it to be happening, they are looking for reasons to hate their True Emotion Mirror or to write them off as some kind of a crazy bitch/dick or ANYTHING to give them a reason to not fall in love. This might be, for example, you find yourself in love with someone who lives on the other side of the world, say, you met them on a holiday and the last thing you want is to choose between your family and friends and this random person who just waltzed in and overturned your life’s course.
This could be, again, a homosexual connection that the other person doesn’t want to be true, it could be happening when you’re married or just had a child and you fear that it’s a reaction to that rather than your genuine feelings for the other person. It could be falling in love with a person of the wrong race or faith, someone from the wrong side of the tracks… Perhaps someone whose life morals and philosophy they strongly disagree with. “I’m not going to fall in love with someone LIKE THAT!” You name it.
Another way a panicked stage may happen is when a young man meets their True Emotion Mirror, realizes he’s not ready for the demands of marriage and children but is PAINFULLY aware they’ve just met their future wife. He may react in many panicked ways, like starting to behave horribly irresponsibly to signal to their TrEmoR that they need some serious time to grow up before they will be ready for that. (Many young men will chase their true love away to a marriage with someone else when reacting like this.)
In this stage, you’d do wisely not to get too offended about what that person says or does. They are still processing their own stereotypes, idea of self (ego), etc. In this stage, there may be a strong rejection following a somewhat light-hearted conversation or a light casual relationship. Such as an experimental gay-relationship turning WAY too serious, or an online fling turning out to be much more than Second Life can handle.
The delicious fear stage
The feeling a lot more mature men and women feel; they realize they are in for a ride, they KNOW this is risky, it could end up anywhere and it could cost them a lot of money, their job, their reputation, peace with their family, or whatever is to come, but they ENJOY the feeling rather than panic about it. This may also be a reaction to a True Emotion Mirror who is NOT wishing for a family and kids -scenario but are in a lifetime that is meant for fun and sexual exploration. Therefore, the fear is far less, as it doesn’t involve taking responsibility of a child.
However, this is more than likely a mature age True Emotion Mirror feeling, or a very old soul in a young body.
The Terror of Staking A Claim
Now… This is going to be a little difficult to explain. If you are a Old Souls*, you understand this a lot easier than what the Young Soul* will. An the Old Souls* personality type fears nothing more than being trapped or unwittingly trapping others in a relationship they don’t truly want. They want to feel like the people who are with them are there willingly, and that their company, to those people, isn’t a punishment.
Therefore, when they feel like they have to stake a claim on their True Emotion Mirror and their sexual freedom FOR THEIR sake, they feel utter terror. They realize that they both WANT TO do this, and feel it is necessary for the happiness of their True Emotion Mirror, but they are terrified that they might be making a mistake here, and they may potentially be limiting the freedom and putting pressure on a person who they absolutely love and want to protect from everything – including the possible mistakes of their own interpretation of the stage of their relationship.
To solve the same problem, by the way, the Young Soul* will act horribly toward their True Emotion Mirror for two reasons: They want to ensure that they actually want them, if they act despicably and the other one isn’t budging, they must know what they’re doing, right? (This is usually when a Old Souls* takes a hike with a long stride, as they feel they’re trying to bag the wrong person.) They may also be testing the other person’s self-respect. “How poorly are you going to allow me to treat you? When are you going to put an end to my assholeness, and put me to my place?”
When a Old Souls* treats you disrespectfully and despicably, they try to send you on your way and to teach you there’s nothing here for you to be dreaming about. This is the cause of a lot of True Emotion Mirror running (as a Old Souls* will take this as a rejection) and on the complete other end, Main Trap relationships between profoundly incompatible partners forming like magic. (Because the Young Soul* will read this as “being ready for a serious relationship.”)
To interpret your True Emotion Mirror, you HAVE TO KNOW whether they are a Old Souls* or the Young Soul* by their base personality type. You may not be of the same personality type. Here’s a clue, tho. The Old Souls* tend to dress out of the norm for their age (subculture or hobby-inspired), and the Young Soul* tend to dress by the book, by their age or relationship status, either very formally or strictly by main stream fashion trends. The Old Souls* express their personality, values, and beliefs with their apparel, the Young Soul* wear a type of a uniform to signal the highest available status.
The Offer
Before the Young Soul* (traditionally/materialistically thinking) male proposes, he will test the waters first by showing off his wealth. An the Old Souls* (feminist/the Old Souls*/emotional) female will almost certainly miss this clue. Just so you know. The Young Soul* male shows off expensive watches, suits, cars, you name it, to say he’s ready and wealthy enough to take on a wife. If she doesn’t expect a man to pay her way, she won’t know what that means, unless an older wiser female such as myself has told her. When she misses these clues, she won’t know how to react. The right clue is “I love your suit.” “Nice wheels, man.” “Oh wow…” She’s supposed to be impressed by his status, power, and wealth, in order to tell him that she’ll accept his proposal if one is coming. Failing that, he’ll believe he is not wealthy or powerful enough for her and feels rejected.
An emotionally thinking man will NEVER show off his wealth, and the Young Soul* girlfriend may feel absolutely cornered by a sudden proposal and the request to accept a pig in a sack so to speak. Then again, an emotionally thinking man may not deliberately HIDE his wealth, either, like the Young Soul* male would if he wasn’t seriously interested in a girl he’s having a casual fling with. That’s why the Young Soul* men feel cornered when they become famous for their wealth, while a Old Souls* man feels no different about whether women know of their wealth or not – but they would be surprised that it is a deciding factor to some women in a relationship to them.
The Need to Cling To Rules
There are people who react to the enormity of the True Emotion Mirror feelings by the insistence of clinging to relationship rules of all kinds. This can be combined with the looking for a reason to reject you -feeling, as in, the person tests their partner to see if they “know how” relationships are conducted.
This can go from anywhere of clinging to very traditional husband-wife roles to showing a baby into the arms of their True Emotion Mirror girlfriend and see if she can handle the child. This is by no means exempt from such rules as to insist that “you must be ready to sleep with me or else I won’t go any further than this”, or the opposite: “if you’ll sleep with me / show me your boobs, I’ll never respect you enough to take you seriously”, or that “you must not be too eager”, or “you must not talk too much…” or similar. Not to mention it can also include a Tyrannical following of a spiritual rulebook such as the Twin Flame -concept.
Then again, there are some rules that are with spirit. For instance, you should never agree to change your core values for anyone. If this person is your True Emotion Mirror, deep down, they feel the same way as you do, but they are ASHAMED of that feeling. They may feel weakness for sluts, for instance, but they would easily feel ashamed for such feelings. However, their True Emotion Mirror cannot be anything but a slut, to answer his truest, deepest, need, even if it is hidden or shunned from himself.
Contemplation of Loss and Acceptance of Blame
This relates to the situation when the relationship never truly started but for whatever reason, the TrEmoRs went their separate ways like they often do. This is not to be confused with your run-off-the-mill crush rejecting you and moving on with someone or something else.
There comes a time when True Emotion Mirrors who failed to bond realize that their own actions, no matter how unintentional they may have been, played a part in the breaking of the relationship, and the loss of the most exciting person they’d ever met. This may lead to a huge self-discovery, or maybe just a realignment of some attitudes, but nonetheless, it leads to growth.
If you fancy yourself somewhat of a seducer and a master of love and relationships, it may take a long time before you accept ANY BLAME or come to even think that your actions might have caused the relationship to break or to not even get started at all. (Usually, this is a Old Souls*/the Young Soul* misunderstanding in question.) It may be even a pill more bitter to swallow for the Young Soul*, who always thinks of themselves as the one who knows, exactly, how everything works in the grown-up world. (Hahah.)
Negotiation
It sounds like an unromantic term to use here, but there’s a stage when True Emotion Mirrors put their fears aside by negotiating the terms and parameters of their relationship. Some call it “communication”. 😉
Because True Emotion Mirrors are highly emotionally invested in each other, they will need some reassurance that what the other person wants out of the relationship is the same as what they are looking for. This is especially necessary if the expectation derives from the heterosexual monogamous marriage and two children, raised in a house in the suburbs -plan.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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