Staying firm when your ex-x is on their knees begging for your love

I don’t know if you’ve been there, but if you ever wind up in a situation when someone you want to break a relationship with simply cannot accept it but keeps pestering you to come back or not leave them, it is NOT easy to stay firm. However, the fact that most people will eventually cave in fortifies this behavior pattern, and it also fortifies your karmic soulmate bond. They learn that “you never truly mean it when you say you’re leaving them”. You HAVE TO learn to stay firm.

You also have to remember that every time you manage to stay firm for, say a year, next time, even in the next lifetime, they’ll pester you for two until you cave in, then 5, 10, 20, 30, if you keep reaffirming to them, that there is a point where they will eventually have their way. Like gradually increasing abusiveness in a relationship, this is gradually increasing their tolerance to begging and your internal knowledge that you can’t truly stay firm so you better give up and accept your fate, right?

Do this for your next lifetime, even if it took you a lifetime to do

I hope it won’t take you a lifetime, but here’s the thing… We will reincarnate, and as soon as you learn to trust that AS A FACT, you will have to start making decisions not only for THIS lifetime but for your future lifetimes as well. You might agree with me, that if you only have one life, spending the last 30 years with someone who you consider tolerable is not that intolerable, but if you realize you have already suffered that person’s company for 3000 years before this lifetime, the picture starts to sift a little… And the fact you tried to leave them in all of those lifetimes before… You failed.

And THEY THINK you failed to leave them because you THOUGHT you were too good for them but are deep down in love with them and therefore, you cannot stay away from them even if every friend you’ve got thinks they’re not good enough for you. Also, your friends, if they are nice people, would HATE TO SEE YOU act this cold around that person, so they try to persuade you to accept their love, too.

You might want to not make new friends until the ties to the old circles are properly cut

This is why it is sometimes best if you don’t make new friends until you’ve truly cut your ties with the old life you had. You don’t want to do this in front of civilized people, I imagine. Then again, as a strategy it may also be more difficult to persuade your ex-circles that you truly don’t want them, as you have nobody else, so, why not them? Then again, you may press the point that: look, I have nobody, there’s nobody else, but I just don’t want to live with you. I’d rather be alone than with you, although I really, really want to find new friends/partner(s).”

I am, personally, in this process, as you may well know by reading this. There are some people with me, but they are safe people, who I know will let me go when the time is right. It would go against everything they believe in to hold onto me, and they know this is temporary. However, the people I’m trying to get away from are still hanging onto me in spirit, trying EVERY ANGLE POSSIBLE to stay with me, to be allowed to come with me. And I am saying NO.

Development of karmic bonds

Different people prioritize different relationships. To some, finding the best possible friends is of essence, while to others, finding the perfect spouse is the most pressing project at hand.

I’ve never put too much importance on who my friends and family are going to be, being a one-eyed romantic. If the relationship is non-sexual, I’m very indifferent to it, I don’t care who I’ll share a dinner table with, but I want to make sure that the person with who I share my marital bed is to my liking. It’s better to go dine in a group than alone, but I really don’t care who’s there with me.

BUT then I realize it’s been these same people for at least 2000 years or more… And the picture changes. TO ME, they are practically invisible, I don’t really CARE who is there, but TO THEM, they actually put MORE EMPHASIS on who they call friends than who they are married to. *MIND BLOWN!*

Therefore, they CHOSE ME, while I was feasting my eyes on the cute guy at the other table. So basically, it’s me being led by a hand by a group of girls to go on a picnic, while I half-dazed keep looking at the cute guy… That I am fully planning to go hit on as soon as I get past this picnic… So they also learn that they have my full attention as long as there are none of these cute guys around… So they want to make sure there aren’t any if they can help it.

This is to explain ONE WAY how relationships like this evolve.

Cut them off cold

So, the only cute guys I am in contact with now, are either online or with me in spirit. Nobody in my real life. But I’ve cut contact to friends and family with who I no longer wish to be involved. This means I’m spending 90% of my time completely alone, no matter what I do, I can’t find a company I like. I KNOW my friends are blocking them from my life, because they want me to know I am important to them and that they want me back. I also sound like a lunatic saying this… and maybe I am.

However, no matter what it looks like, I’d rather eat snow alone than have the best meal in their company ever again. I don’t know how long this will take me, but tell you what… My True Emotion Mirrors are impatient and wish me to give into their demands so we could be together…

“We can snuff them out later,” They say, but CAN WE? I have a strong feeling that IF we let them into our new life, or rather MY new life, even if we tried to then cut them out, they’ve made friends in the circles by the time we’ve shut them out. Kind of like Amber Heard networking on Johnny Depp’s contacts no matter HOW people want to throw her out of civilized circles. I just don’t want to repeat Johnny’s mistake, EVEN THOUGH I know already who and what the culprit is going to be.

People whose best relationship skill is to refuse to be dumped

Do you remember the over-attached girlfriend meme? My favorite one was: “OH BUT I SAVED ALL YOUR HAIR!” (Presumably from the shower drain.) Anyway. Along the same lines someone came up with an increasingly funny quip: “How many times do I have to flush for you to go away?” Which I translated to the idea of the “unflushable girlfriend” which is a phrase I sometimes use here. People like this exist and their best relationship skill is refusing to be broken up with. They simply decide to put a spin on their over-attached attitudes and stalking behaviors: “I’m not stalking you, I’m looking out for you.” “It’s not like I don’t want to accept being broken up with, I just want to stop you from making a mistake by breaking up with me.”

You simply have to stay firm with people like this and make sure you no longer reward behavior like this ON YOUR PART. They’ll try it on someone else, but you should continue doing your part by never judging people for wanting to break up with someone – whatever their reasons might be. NOBODY owes love to anybody, nobody owes FRIENDSHIP to anybody. Those things SHOULD BE important enough to not pressure someone into against their will, no matter how ugly and uncomfortable the rejection phase might get.

Remember relationships are not about “deserve” or “who wants X the most”

When you are choosing your friends and lovers, REMEMBER they are not about who deserves who or who wants you (them) the most. Especially the latter. The fact that someone disrespectfully chases after another person completely disrespecting their boundaries ignoring a no (a bit like a rapist refuses to accept their victim’s personal space, choice, and word) does not mean that another person who shows more respect and class wants them less. In fact, there are people who have been the object of such obsessive behaviors SO OFTEN that they do EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER to not be the person to disrespect another person’s boundaries, so they back off even when the rejection was meant to be playful or even “a lure” that often works on a narcissistic person’s ego: “you don’t say no to me, now I’ll work double hard to have you…”

The person with a warped sense of self-respect will often win the girl/guy, by completely ignoring the fact this person isn’t in love with them, and feeling OK about being the one in the relationship who had to FORCE that person into it, rather than look for company of people who actually APPRECIATE and LOVE them for who they are.

Do not unblock

On social media, don’t worry about your block list. They don’t go against that person or stop them from fully socializing with other people. You can keep blocking them forever, and I suggest you do. If you do this unblock thing and try to make amends later, the person TENDS TO take that as a green light: NOW you’re ready for that glorious life-long relationship… Or as a reaffirming to their belief that “you never TRULY mean it when you ‘dump’ me”. When you encounter people like this, don’t worry about decimating their self-confidence, there’s much more ego where that came from and they’ll be fine.

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