the Idealists* breakup attempt that turns into a proposal in the Survivalist* mind

The background

the Survivalist* = Feels life is a role-playing exercise, where each person assumes a role and plays that through.
the Idealists* = Feels life is to be explored and felt, and that partners should be each other’s intellectual equals.

Okay. The base setting is as follows: the Survivalist* feel that good relationships are a synergy between people each of whom are good at something different. Each brings into the table a new skill, right. A don’t have is combined with a have, right?

the Idealists* feel that personal and intimate relationships happen between people who are equal to each other intellectually speaking. This contains solid basic skills that they are not worried about (cooking, cleaning) but what draws them together are mutual interests and high-level curiosity toward something specific. Same values and so forth.

Male the Idealists*, note

the Idealists* are always trying to understand different types of people, and the Idealists* men are more than likely to have spend an incredible amount of time trying to understand women. As the Survivalist* -category is mostly female, a Idealists* man can be quite accustomed to the ways of the Survivalist* female, but a Idealists* female is more than likely completely clueless to all the Survivalist* -behavior.

Therefore, if you are a Idealists* male, you are more than possibly very skilled in reading the “woman’s intent” in this situation, but you’ve learned to associate it with “the way women think”, rather than how “extroverts” or the Survivalist* think. If you are like this, you are probably VERY careful not to give a woman you don’t want a reason to think you don’t want them. This will backfire if the woman you want is a Idealists* because she’ll take your breakup/rejection attempt seriously and leave without asking further questions as a sign of respect to you and your worth as a man: she’ll leave you to a woman you love more than her because she loves you and believes you deserve the best life possible.

Further, if you’re a Idealists* male and DO NOT understand this, you might be one of the men who have actually gotten well accustomed to the Idealists* women, and have never even bothered with female drama for long enough to gain an instinct over how this works for the Survivalist* women.

“Look, it’s not you, it’s me”

the Idealists*, when they attempt to break off a relationship in order to find someone more interesting and more intellectually compatible to partner up with, they often take on the “blame” for the breakup for themselves in order to save the Survivalist*’s feelings. They use phrases like “it’s not you, it’s me”, “it’s just not the right time for me”, “I don’t feel we are truly compatible.”

Interestingly enough, the Survivalist* will always interpret a breakup attempt as a demand for a commitment. They read a polite attempt to break up as a “Look, you are not paying enough attention to me, therefore, I’m starting to think you don’t want to take this seriously, see where your lack of commitment is leading this… I’m leaving if you don’t step up.”

This is not what a Idealists* means, however. What they would say if they spoke plainly is something along the lines of “Look… I’m bored. You give me absolutely no intellectual stimulus. You, as a person, are about as interesting as watching the paint dry. I want to find someone who is sexier and more fun to be with. I don’t really like you that much, but I’m sure someone else will find you attractive. You’re not a terrible person, by any means, you’re just deathly boring and I don’t think you have any capacity to change into something I’d find more exciting to be with.”

You want me to prove how serious I am! Well, this is interesting!

To be perfectly honest, I am not sure how the Survivalist* actually break up. I don’t know if they do. I think they might just vanish like they just collect their belongings and move out. They may completely cut you out without a warning. I know they do that, but do they have a mature way of breaking up, I don’t know. It seems that if they TALK about it before they leave, it’s not really a breakup but an ultimatum: If you don’t shape up, I’ll back my belongings and leave once I’ve had enough.

So when the Idealists* tries to break up, they mean it’s going to be immediate. They’ve already made up their minds about how they want things to go. They don’t want the relationship to go on, and they’re only letting their partner know this is happening now. However, the Survivalist* doesn’t see it that way. To them, a breakup talk is a challenge: “Now, we’re talking serious!”

“No, I can change!”

If the Idealists* cannot break off the relationship straight away for some reason, like living together, or worse, the Survivalist* living in their house, they’ll find it very difficult to convince the Survivalist* it’s time for them to go. When the Survivalist* starts asking for instructions on what can they do to preserve the relationship, the Idealists* starts explaining to them how it’s not possible. The more they explain, the more the Survivalist* thinks they’re REALLY serious, they REALLY want to see a HUGE commitment, and that in the end of it all, the reward is going to be of an equal measure.

The Idealists* is trying to say that there’s nothing for the Survivalist* to look for or to expect, but the Survivalist* thinks the more they’re “hiding” the reward, the bigger the engagement surprise is going to be. The more the Idealists* is certain they won’t be disappointed.

The Idealists* fails to deliver on this “promise”

The Idealists* isn’t promising anything, right. In fact, they’re telling this person there’s nothing there. No feelings. They’re leaving. If the Survivalist* doesn’t receive this message, the Idealists* will easily just submit to their fate of still being together with this person they are not the slightest bit interested in, and can even be pressured to marrying the Survivalist*, but they will not be happy about it. They ASSUME the Survivalist* knows what the deal is, there’s no love here, but they still insist on marriage “I WANT MY SURPRISE!” and the Idealists* eventually may succumb to the depressing fate that they are bound to marry this person whether they like it or not, and they’ll have to bury whatever dreams of happiness they once had.

The Survivalist* will be bitterly disappointed, of course, because whatever they were envisioning in their heads isn’t happening, and the Idealists* will just grow old and boring – probably alcoholic and depressed – as time goes on. They feel their spirit is killed – whether male or female the Idealists*, they feel trapped and bitterly disappointed about what life offered them.

the Survivalist* want commitment, the Idealists* want intrigue

the Idealists* are the people who fantasize about passionate love (making) and romance in the tropical island, spending the rest of their days in a lazy haze of love… The Survivalist* just want someone to make a home with. To them, of course, there’s nothing “just” about it, that is their ultimate dream that the Idealists* rarely truly provide for them, as their heart is not really in it the same way as the Survivalist*’. They are often buried in their work to compensate for the intellectual and sexual dullness of their marriage, and many the Idealists* drown themselves into porn and some other preoccupation that keeps them afloat on their way to the grave looking for something to hang onto.

An the Idealists* will always disappoint the Survivalist*, but a Idealists* will see the boredom coming a mile away.

If there’s a massive fight over the breakup

If things go in the direction where the Idealists* isn’t backing off from their resolve to divorce, they will more than likely start listing all the things that are wrong/missing in the Survivalist*. Remember the Survivalist* bond through have/lack which means that when the Idealists* loses his or her nerve, they will start “LISTEN, you’re NOTHING like me. You’re not smart. You’re not beautiful/handsome. You’re not fit. I mean look at you! Look at me! Fuck! How did I ever even FUCK YOU is a miracle!”

To the Survivalist*, this sounds like an awkward way of saying: “Look, YOU NEED ME. You are nothing special, I am. I am special, therefore, YOU NEED ME. You can’t leave me, because I am special and you are not. You have no right to leave me, and you know it.”

This is not what a Idealists* means, however. How long it will take for this to sink in, is probably a question of how fast the Idealists* will break all communication and how many the Idealists* friends the Survivalist* has telling them that they really have to let this go.

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