the Idealists* fight for the turf, the Survivalist* fight to teach you/to be taught how to be friends with them.

the Survivalist* Thinking family members almost never fight because they’re angry or because they hate you. They fight because they’re concerned and love you and try to educate you. With the Cat Thinking family members, they’re concerned because the Idealists* doesn’t seem to be merging with the family the right way. They will always seem a little aloof and distant and will almost never offer to help with domestic duties within the Survivalist* Thinking household.

In a Cat Thinking household, domestic duties are done without a second thought; NOT ONE OF THEM wants to focus on domestic duties. Therefore, they’re with as little fuss as possible. The Survivalist*, however, love their household duties and will make a maximum effort to ensure everyone knows domestic duties are being done. Now is the time to join if you want to… They sound like dogs barking to make a lot of noise while playing… But to a Idealists*, this invitation is about as exciting as a note from your dentist: “Time for your root canal…” They’d probably prefer the root canal, to be honest.

the Survivalist* raise their voices to educate you about the pack’s rules and habits. They try to give you the knowledge you need to be a productive family member. The Idealists* try to educate their children to become independent – away from the pack – a productive member of society – the Survivalist* try to educate you to be a part of the family. When a Idealists* starts educating people on how to treat them, they’re typically in the process of breaking up with them, and the message is: “This is why you failed your exam.” Not: “You’ve passed your entrance exam; a few tweaks: this is how you’ll become a fully qualified wife/husband.” But that’s how the Survivalist* view it. “Oh, they ‘only’ want me to be of the opposite gender. Right, because that’s fair!” They may be displeased, but they still stick around TO TRY to be whatever impossible the Idealists* “demands.”

Further, the Survivalist* refuses to leave because they think they’re being educated for a full role and that all “the door is open, all you need to do is to walk out of it” messages to the Survivalist* are a test on how committed they are. An Idealist* may be trying to point out that you are NOT dependent on me; you’re a perfectly capable human being, you’ve been broken up with, and NOTHING stops you from leaving…

Imagine a person shouting at another person at the top of their lungs. The message a Idealists* will hear is completely opposite to that of the Survivalist* by default. An Idealist* hears: “Get the fuck out of my house/yard RIGHT NOW!” and the Survivalist* hears: “Sit down and fucking relax!!” Regardless of the actual words used. The Survivalist* fight you to love you.

Do you remember when Amber Heard told Johnny Depp, “You never fight for the relationship?” It’s a sentence that makes NO SENSE to a Idealists*, especially not in the way it’s intended. Amber was fighting for the relationship with everything she had. Whenever she threw cans at him, the message was, “I love you more than life itself,” but we the Idealists* much prefer greeting cards and kisses… But the Survivalist* feel they can’t give you love until you’ve fought properly, and usually the Idealists*, once they fight you properly, is when they finally turn completely cold and leave. They send the message “you’re worthless to me” the same way as the Survivalist* say, “You’re everything to me.” Avoiding that fight, which often turns physical with the Survivalist*, will only make the relationship linger because however that fight is conducted, the true feelings will come out of it. If the Idealists* leaves, the Survivalist* will finally receive the message… Johnny Depp took her to court and won. She got the message so well she left the freaking country.

Finally: the Survivalist* use words in very “white noise” sort of way. There’s almost nothing helpful about what they say during a fight. They also often forget to listen to you when you fight them, they want to hear your tone of voice, NOT what you say. UNFORTUNATELY, a Cat Thinking tone of voice is NEVER helpful to the Survivalist*, because we avoid sounding condescending, disrespectful, we try not to talk down at them, ESPECIALLY if that’s how we truly feel about them, because we can’t take that back. We try to end relationships so that both parties can walk away with self respect.

An Amber Heard fan I can’t remember the name of tweeted once: “Johnny won the relationship, get over it.” This was before the US trial, and at the time that made very little sense to me. I knew it was something the Survivalist* would say, but what on earth…?! “Won the relationship?!” HOW? Fighting him? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?” At the time, it seemed Amber had left Johnny, but the point of this is, that the Survivalist* must “win” or “lose” a breakup. They don’t part as friends. Therefore, sometimes, the Idealists* are dragged into a showdown simply because the Survivalist* feel such shame for a breakup that they need every effort to be made to safe face in it, and they don’t really understand how to break up amicably or respectfully, or, in deed, at all.

I urge the Idealists* to avoid all relationships with the Survivalist* and vice versa. There always be a fight for hierarchy, and the Idealists* better be prepared to win it, because the Survivalist* doesn’t understand equality. You will have to dominate, or to submit, so you’ll better know already whether you’ll be happy submitting, or do you have to dominate the relationship. ALSO KNOW, that the Idealists* won’t allow you to carry on an unequal relationship, so if you always set out to dominate, as some the Cat Thinking men especially have chosen to do in their relationships to women, you’ll lose the Idealists*… EVEN the Cat Thinking women who consider themselves “submissive” that ONLY means sex, NEVER their everyday life. If you try to dominate them outside the bedroom like the Survivalist* Thinking women want you to, you’ll find your “slave” gone fast. And, the Survivalist* Thinking woman is rarely interesting enough for a Cat Thinking man, because they’re either NOT eloquent or they lie with eloquence, which is, to a Idealists*, worse still. An Idealist* might be able to send the Survivalist* off on their way by complaining about how their conversation is boring them, but that requires NEVER to argue with them, as argument, to the Survivalist* is nothing but interesting, but not an intellectual pursuit. Rather, ask them to teach you something interesting you don’t know, and express disappointment when they fail at it or try to teach you something boring. (You don’t have to be fair here. You just need to express how bad/boring/disappointing teachers they are and they’ll leave you alone. Do this EVEN if you think they’re dumber than a goose, because the truth is… They think they’re smart. Make them feel dumb, and you win the relationship.)

An Idealist* that willingly submits to the Survivalist* is likely also simply avoiding short term discomfort with the expectation of leaving them at the earliest of opportunity. A Survivalist* should never trust the Cat Thinking submission any more than they should trust the Cat Thinking dominance. The Idealists* would ONLY dominate to secure sex in a relationship, and hate micro managing every other aspect of their sex slave’s life… But some have reluctantly accepted that to be a part of the deal. In the long term, it’s unlikely the Idealists* have the energy to keep on dominating the Survivalist*, and the psychological damage to the Survivalist* who gets dumped is far greater than a Idealists* is willing to take responsibility for, so these relationships are best avoided completely. Even if you try to make your rules clear: “this is temporary” the Survivalist* who is “good at submitting” won’t understand why you’d throw out a good dog like that… Unless it’s for a higher-status one.

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