the Savants*; You have two potential spouses to choose from, which one should you go for?

You know the general battle between “the right one” or “the good enough…” Is it dumb to think you’d genuinely fall in love and for that love to be everlasting? Are you just stupid thinking you could one day COUNT on someone, trust them, and love them and still feel sexual attraction and the romantic butterflies about them for the rest of your life?

For the Savants*, this question is rarely between two actual options in the present but is rather between a Mr. or Miss. iWish and someone who is Mr. or Miss. Right There. Is it stupid to keep hoping for that elusive perfect sexual romance that will make your brain fall in love with them, too, or should you settle down for something more sensible and more easily available? Something that will…

*Gasp* last?

(Do you want it to last, dear lord, if you’re bored already?!)

Let me tell you, as an older woman: You will never fall in love with someone who you didn’t fall in love at first sight. It has and will never happen in any other way for a Savants*; only the Normal Person* fall in love with people over the fact they’re still there. When the Normal Person* tell you to give up your search and marry the one you’ve got, they do so with the assumption you fear it won’t last with this one, that you will wind up dumped because that’s THEIR FEAR.

Your fear is that you’ll never fall in love with this person because you haven’t already, and you’re also fearing that you’re being naive and narcissistic for NOT having fallen in love with this perfectly nice person yet.

You aren’t. You just haven’t been told what the fundamental psychological difference there is between two groups of people is. One falls in love over time with a person who proves themselves to be reliable (not leaving), while the other falls in love over an instinct at first glance (instinct) (or soon after) with someone whose intelligence and value system matches yours.

Sure, maybe sometimes you might fall for someone after knowing them for a while and finding out stuff about them that you didn’t know before, but don’t freaking count on that. Act on it if it happens, but don’t wait around in a relationship with that person hoping it will.

I’ll tell you another thing: IF there is a chance you fall for someone LATER ON, you MUST currently think they’re sexy but shallow. You may feel like there’s SOMETHING there, but you feel you can’t really CONNECT with them. If someone is begging you for a chance – and the right one might be, don’t get me wrong – ONLY go out with them if you think they are genuinely sexy, but you’re just not crazy about them yet. Then, have a proper conversation about their DARK SIDE, because that’s where all the delicious fun stuff is.

And trust me, a Savants* will share their dark side with you, with no drama. Just have an honest conversation with them, and if they’ve got even a chance of being the right one for you, they’ll bite. If you cannot connect both to their dark and romantic sides, you won’t fall for them. Promise.

And no. It’s not naive or stupid to want to. It’s naive and stupid to think you can’t. EVERY over-40-year-old the Savants* will tell you this.

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