The danger of winding up in a sexless marriage

Both men and women may fear winding up in a sexless marriage. The prevalence of sexless marriages, in general, is the result of a profound mischaracterization of what “heterosexuality” means in women.

When closet lesbian women try to lay a foundation for themselves to get married as a matter of course, they also want it without sexual obligations toward a man. As lesbianism is a relatively recently recognized phenomenon, a lot of our sexual traditions in marriages are based on the needs of a lesbian woman, not the heterosexual ones. Heterosexual wives wouldn’t have complained about their sexual duties (especially if happily married), so the only voices that were heard were those of lesbian women. This means our current idea of “women” basically means namely lesbian women or bisexual women.

When heterosexual women get further shamed for even having those needs, they will stay out of the conversation completely and keep their sexuality between themselves and their lovers. Therefore, their sexuality gets RARELY any public recognition in social discourse, especially not in a positive light.

Good women are not sexual, are they?

Now, somewhere down the line of our history, it has become to be believed that a high-end woman should be treated as a non-sexual recipient of love and adoration only, skipping the sexual part. Heterosexual women, in their turn, have been shamed and cast aside as women not even worthy of love. Heterosexual women have been burned as witches and locked in mental asylums because heterosexuality in women has always made people suspicious of mental illness or witchcraft.

When a lesbian woman is expected to marry a man, obviously, she’ll use any trick in the book to avoid sex in their marriage. One of these tricks is to shame “the sluts” who both threaten their ability to secure a marriage, AND raise men’s idea of what they can expect inside a marriage, sex-wise. Therefore, out comes the need to make a heterosexual woman seem untrustworthy and elevate the sexually less-prone-to-stray lesbian woman above her.

This has driven even highly sexual heterosexual women hide their desires and deny they even exist. Just to be worth loving.

Now. With that background.

Sexless marriage is basically the definition of  “Respect for women”

High-end women are often treated as women who “don’t need to” make themselves into sexual objects for a man. Many men will thus automatically start treating them as porcelain dolls and even take their desires outside the marriage. They may still want to marry her, but “be the man who won’t sexually objectify her”. This scares heterosexual women who are coveted by all men, but married by the one who is able to resist his urges “out of respect for her”.

Therefore, men fear they’ll wind up marrying a closet lesbian woman, and heterosexual women fear they’ll be treated as such. The myth of women not wanting to have sex as much as men do is absolutely toxic.

The result can be that both the men and women OVERSTATE their sexual identity a lot, UNDERLINING their insistence upon the relationship being treated as a sexual one. “Don’t make me into a white-picket-fence spouse, for I don’t have it in me!”

Closet lesbian over-compensation during dating

Another problem that occurs is that closet lesbians may ALSO over-compensate for their lack of desire for men. They may play it so that they are very sexual while dating a man. They may seem a little obsessive about sex and have trouble relaxing with a man when they are NOT having sex. Lesbians have trouble connecting with a man emotionally, therefore the sex may be wild but quite mechanical.

A closet lesbian woman would like a man to see it so, that she’s “paid for the marriage upfront”. Once the marriage begins, she’ll calm down and focuses on the practicalities of a marriage rather than the sexual aspect of it. Many men accept this as a given. Men may even pull away from their heterosexual wife in preparation for the “marriage phase”, perhaps in fear of rejection.

Many men also force the dating part of the relationship into a highly sexual route in his attempt to get full payment upfront for the sexless marriage he’ll endure as a result. This often drives away heterosexual women as sex like that often lacks real connection. Men should, still, feel free to expect sex to be a part of a sexual relationship… It’s kind of the point of it.

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