The disgruntled “do something about this” tone of voice that the Survivalist* keep misinterpreting.

There is a particular tone of voice that the Survivalist* keep misinterpreting: The “do something about this” -tone of voice. Although they correctly interpret that part of it, they keep missing WHAT needs to be changed. The Survivalist* may interpret everything said in this tone as the same way, when the thing that needs to be changed varies depending on the context. (This can get pretty weird.)

Real meaning: “Stop thinking you can change this.”

Common key: If it seems impossible to change, the meaning is “stop thinking you can change this because it’s impossible.”

Imagine me saying: “Look, the Sun is going down every night!” A Survivalist* will try to understand what I’m expecting them to do about the fact the Sun is going down every night. The Survivalist* don’t ever study themselves thinking there might be a flaw in them. What I’m expecting them to realize is to stop expecting themselves, or me, to be able to stop the Sun from going down; they have to CHANGE THEIR THINKING about the Sun going down. The problem isn’t that the Sun is going down every night, but that the Survivalist* is trying to change the fact that the Sun is going down every night – or whatever that metaphor might refer to in that case.

Another clearer example would be: “Look, I don’t love you!” It doesn’t mean they have to CHANGE MY FEELINGS toward themselves, but that they have to CHANGE THEIR THINKING that one day, I might love them or that I expect them to be able to do something about the fact that I don’t. It’s information: “I don’t love you, stop expecting that to change!”

“You cheated on me!” means – that thing is done; you have to stop thinking that it didn’t matter or that it didn’t permanently ruin things for us, because it did. YOU DID IT, it’s done, the situation is permanently changed, and now you have to CHANGE YOUR BELIEF that it can be fixed somehow.

“Look, God doesn’t exist!” means “stop thinking that God exists because he doesn’t,” not MAKE ME BELIEVE God exists or become God in God’s place so we can have a god… Or some other crazy shit. 😀

“You will NEVER be a star!” Doesn’t mean: “You have to try harder because at this rate, you’ll never make it,” but “no matter how hard you try, you will never become a star, as you don’t have the talent for it, so you have to change the way you think and stop thinking there is a way for you to become a star.”

the Survivalist* feel that the Idealists* have such unrealistic expectations because of this misinterpretation of tone of voice and the meaning of it. Imagine assuming people are constantly telling you to do the impossible, when they’re telling them there is NO WAY to do this and stop trying to think there is!

The crazy thing is, my the Survivalist* Thinking spirit guides have still been trying to change something when I’ve told them, “There is nothing you can say, do, or try to change this.” They still believe, somehow, that I’ve tried to make them change it – as I’ve tried to tell them, “Quit, stop trying to change something that will never again be the same it once was.”

Therefore, whenever you hear that tone of voice, consider the possibility they’re trying to make you change your thinking about it rather than order you to fix it. If you have to use this tone of voice to someone, give them more information: “The problem is that you still think you can change it when the only thing you need to change is your thinking that somehow, you can change what is happening right now.”

Real meaning: “Change this!”

Common key: If it’s a commonly considered negative thing, the message is: “Change it.”

The same tone of voice may sometimes trigger another interesting reaction in the Survivalist*: “You are this way, and you are not permitted to change; this is your role to play in life.”

So the Survivalist* may take critique of their way of being as a command to stop thinking they could be anything but that:

“You are fat!” This means “you are hurting yourself, you have to stop eating more calories than what you burn, you have to become a thin/healthy person,” basically. A Survivalist* may instead interpret this as: “You are fat, you are doomed to stay fat, stop thinking you could one day become beautiful like women who are better than you!”

“You’re a racist!” Can, to the Survivalist* mean: “You are a racist; your obligation as a racist is to keep beating up black people!” They may hear these things as “you know it’s sad, it’s a shitty job, but somebody must do it, and you’re it!” In reality, of course, “you’re a racist” means “you have to stop being a racist! Nobody likes racists!”

the Survivalist* can easily interpret this tone of voice as “Well, it’s a sad fact things are this way, but that’s how they must be!” This is like the above in reverse; “you have to stop thinking you could change things.” When the message is: “You have to change this.”

Real meaning: “You are something negative/incompatible to me; you cannot change; stop thinking you can, and because of this incompatibility, this relationship is over/cannot even start.”

Another common situation that the Survivalist* may not understand is when that disgruntled voice means a “dead end”: There is an unchangeable trait in one or the other person, a negative or incompatibility, and the other person tries to express: “This is a deal breaker,” but the Survivalist* is still trying to find solutions: “They’re saying I have to stop being gay.” the Survivalist* may be confused about what is criticism and what is information. “You are gay” is not a negative thing to say; it means: “I am straight, you’re gay, there’s an incompatibility.” But a gay or bisexual the Survivalist* will easily hear this: “Oh, there’s a slight problem in our relationship, they’re straight, so they’re trying to say ‘turn me,’ so we can be together.”

Then, when they’re told this other person has no intention of turning gay or bi, their brain goes haywire: “How is it going to help if I turn straight?!”

There was never an intent to try and change the person’s sexual orientation; the gay/bi/straight is simply information provided to state: “It’s nothing personal, but we are inherently incompatible as a couple; therefore, stop thinking this relationship is a possibility.” To a Idealists*, an incompatible sexual orientation is a given deal breaker. Still, the Survivalist* doesn’t really HAVE a stable sexual orientation or personality traits, so they feel it’s perfectly doable to change themselves into anything they’re asked to change into – but are, obviously woefully incapable of doing so in reality. Being young souls, they cannot see their own limitations quite as clearly as older souls can.

The Survivalist* will always approach all conversations from a perspective of “how do we make this relationship work” rather than “should we continue this conversation at all?” Therefore, again, it’s up to the Idealists* to add information: “You are gay, I am straight, sexual orientations are not changeable. Therefore, there is no point continuing this conversation.”

“The riddle”

There is also the expectation that you are speaking in riddles, which makes communication with the Survivalist* a nightmare. If they don’t like what you’re saying, they can easily flip on a belief that you’re actually joking, you’re speaking in riddles, or this is your way to wind them up or test their love – but “deep down” you love them. They may cry and “act hurt” because they want you to “not play so rough,” when you are actually doing everything in your power not to punch their lights out because they’re not listening to you, but they still believe “you’re just playing too rough, and it’s not funny anymore,” while you are dead serious.

Some realities may be entirely too scary for the Survivalist* to comprehend and process. If they are in the “riddle” modality, it can be impossible to get through to them in a timely manner. It may be best to assume a playful tone when you speak, so they get a confirmation you’re only playing, but still say and do the same thing. As you give them “a hint” you’re playing, they may lose their patience and realize “you’re being a dick” and give up their trust in you.

“What do you think I’m telling you is the problem?”

If you get stuck in a conversation like this, ask the person to point out the problem in the situation: “What do you think I’m telling you is the problem?” If they don’t understand, help them further: “Do you think I’m asking you to change X, that I’m asking you to accept X as a reality you can’t change or maybe to ask you to change your mind about a well-known fact?”

If you think someone is asking you to do the impossible, ask them if they really mean that you should do *name the impossible thing*. If you think they are asking you to do the very thing you don’t want to do, ask them if that’s what they WANT YOU to do or think that’s what you’re trying to convince them to allow you to do… At any rate, try to figure out what is it that they think you want and what you think they want, ultimately… And why.

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