the Survivalist* behavior can be molded by telling them what they’re like

the Survivalist* don’t truly have a self-defined ego, idea of self. Their personalities are largely mouldable by their surroundings. Therefore, if you have a troublesome the Survivalist* in your life, the best way to end their toxic behavior is to start telling them another story about themselves. Imagine the best way for you that you can get along with this person, and then, start telling this story to first, yourself, affirmation-style: “My mother is a person who supports me in everything I do. She trusts my judgment and decisions. She’s not one of those meddling kind of mothers, at all. She respects my boundaries and private life, and would never act nosey about what I do. She’s great.”

Remember, that if you, even angrily accuse the Survivalist* for being something, they’ll become it. If you, as a parent tell a young the Survivalist* child that one day, they’re going to kill someone, they are going to kill someone as they believe their family expects that of them. If you tell the Survivalist* child, that one day, they’re going to change the world for the better, they’ll do everything in their power to make that prediction true, even if they weren’t quite smart enough.  A Survivalist* can be easily stressed out by too high expectations, like “women are equal to men” – and when they find men are naturally good at business, they will start complaining about too high expectations and demand the 75 cent to a dollar gap be adjusted artificially, considering “WOMEN ARE EQUAL TO MEN, IF YOU SAID SO, YOU MUST MEAN IT”.

the Survivalist* respond to expectations. The Idealists* are what they are. Sure, the Idealists* have more than likely been the Survivalist* in a past life, and now they have gotten solidified to that way of being, but nonetheless, by now they are what they are.

Even the Survivalist* have SOME boundaries – I’m happy to say

You cannot TRULY mold the Survivalist* into ANYTHING at all, either. They do have SOME boundaries. When you start defining your friends in a manner that would force them to become something they don’t want to be in order to remain your friend, they’ll start removing themselves from the situation. If I were to say: “I and my female friends are all a bit slutty. We never run after a man, but we love it when a man comes onto us, and fuck us without asking for a separate permission” (which is the way I do define my female friends, mind you, and I don’t have any as a result,) they’ll start taking steps away from me and saying “Well, we’re not really friends”, which is true.

the Idealists* and the Survivalist* define who they are differently, too. A Survivalist* feels they are how they are perceived, how they behave, whereas a Idealists* feel they are what they wish they had the social freedom of being without risking exclusion from family or work, mainly, the two things that bind you to people you can’t really choose for yourself freely.

This is the reason I’ll be writing a definition of my friends and lovers and husbands, and hope that the positions will be filled by people to whom this is a permission to act the way they are, and simultaneously protects my circles from people who don’t really think along the same lines as I do.

the Survivalist* can be confused about what it is that you want them to be

If the Survivalist* is under the impression that you love them and consider them a friend or a life-long ally of some description, and you start screaming in their face that “you’re a meddling son of a bitch who never lets anyone live a life they want”, they take that as an instruction, not as a criticism. The more you scream, the more they take you for being like a director in a movie or a play, who isn’t happy about the performance you’re seeing. “Be a bigger asshole” is what they hear “it is your place to be a credible meddler!” They don’t ask why you’d want that, more than likely, they see it for dramatic purposes or to allow you to look good in comparison to them. “You’re stupid, I’m smart. Be dumber, so I’ll look smarter.”

When the Survivalist* try to program you

the Survivalist* try to program others, too. They present a certain image of you to the world, whether it is accurate or not. They don’t understand why the Idealists* would not want to take that very flattering role, as all you have to do is to step into that role and it’s all done up for you. Everyone around the Survivalist* already believes this is who you are, so why not take advantage of the bed made?

They ignore things you say that are in contrast to the role they have for you. It’s like they don’t hear you. “But mom, I’ve never been artistic in that sense. Why can’t you see I can’t just become an artist, I can’t paint!” “Don’t sell yourself short, dear.” “You realize I don’t WANT TO be an artist?” “Why wouldn’t you want to be an artist, don’t sell yourself short. You can do it.”

They also point out character traits they don’t want to see by insulting others with that character trait. “I don’t like women who pretend like they have a mind of their own.” For instance.

Turning tables

You can reprogram the Survivalist* who try to program you if they’re too close to you to simply ignore. Write them a flattering role to play and they’ll play it to the best of their ability. If they fall out of line, just repeat the expected role to them.

Just be careful what you program them to be and do. Start from what you truly expect them to do when you’re arguing with them, for instance. What is the expectation? Then, just the Survivalist* tense. Instead of “I want you to”, or “You need to”, say “you are…” “you do…” Describe them as if their transformation was already complete.

Vintage advertising used this to high effect: “Buy this, and you’ll be that.”

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