the Normal Person* collect virtue points and “be there points” while laying a constant guilt trip on you and your friends…

If the Normal Person* has decided they want to be friends with you, there are not many things that can stop them. They are amazingly good at tiring you out, and forcing you to cut your losses; “if it means that much to them, FINE, let’s be friends.” That friendship, obviously, on your side, isn’t very real if it needed that much talking into.

A Normal Person* values LOYALTY over every other quality in people. This means that if they can hang onto you and take a beating while proving they’re willing to do anything to be loyal to you, they’ll do it. Ironically, their loyalty is surface-level only. They ARE THERE, but pay attention to where their hand is. More than likely in your pocket or on your wife’s ass (without the consent of either one of you).

When you try to get rid of them, they’ll recruit all your friends and family members to do their bidding for them. They lay a guilt trip like you’ve never seen before in front of you, and convince your friends that they are the victim and you are the big bad bully, unreasonable because you refuse friendship from someone so lovely and devoted. You, however, know how they’re not lovely at all, and once they’re back in, the abuse will recommence.

Remember this rule of thumb from now on: It doesn’t matter why someone wants to end a relationship, if they want to end a relationship, it’s their call, not yours. If they want out, something about that relationship isn’t working for them, and no matter how minor thing it is, it’s still valid. If they don’t like the fact that their otherwise perfect partner ties their shoelaces with the left loop on top instead of the right loop as you prefer, clearly there are issues there bigger than the knot. THEIR REASONS DON’T MATTER. If they want out, they’re out, and there is nothing anyone can say about it. Should be able to, that is.

If you win a point, they’ll wait a few hours or days and relaunch the guilt trip if you’ve left them an opening.

the Normal Person* Thinking narcissists know that they’ll more than likely wear you out if they just keep on banging on the door. USUALLY, that is true. You’ll have to start retraining them.

“If I have the power, I should use it.”

the Normal Person* think that if they’ve been given a power over something or someone, they should use that power any way they choose. They’ll use blackmail, guilt trips, physical power, financial domination, even sickness if they can, to their favor to get what they want.

They’ll align themselves with attractive and charismatic people so they can be used as a form of leverage: “I’ll get them to talk to you if you do this…”

If you are their tool they’ve gotten used to using, they won’t let you go all that easily.

The thing about this power thing is that it is true that if you have some kind of a power over another person, nobody can stop you from using it, except yourself. That’s just how it is. Most people don’t abuse power, but some do. Some will always. Some people are also obsessed with acquiring power, because they lack the one power that means something: To be likeable.

Their weapon: Your wish to be a good person.

They will always use your need to be a good person against you. They’ll manipulate you to hurt yourself in service of others so that you would be seen as the better person. Don’t forget they can also use another person, not just themselves, to dig a deeper hole for you: “but what about your poor mom? Don’t you take pity on your friend (who totally fucked you over but is no SO VERY SORRY).”

They’ll play the victim and if they run out of excuses, they’ll use someone else, as long as you are spending your life feeling crappy about yourself, they’ll be happy.

Then, they’ll have a moment of clarity, either to fully admire their handiwork or maybe it is real: “Oh I think I might not be a very good person.” With this realization a normal person usually gives them a little more space: “Oh they realized, good. I can relax.” But as soon as you do, they think all is forgiven and they can go back to their own antics.

Don’t be afraid of them, be AWARE of them.

With all the warnings I give you about the Normal Person*, don’t be afraid of them. You don’t have to. Be aware and clever about them. Learn to neutralize them.

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