the Survivalist* Personalities do not need to learn how to love the Idealists* Personalities

the Survivalist* Personalities find it very distressing to think that not everyone could be loved by everyone in the best possible way. Therefore, writings like the True Emotion Mirror description or the description on how the Idealists* Personalities love each other on True Emotion Mirror level cause them distress because they cannot find a way to love each and every character trait of their family members or the members of their golf club. They find it very difficult to make a differentiation between a description of love and a demand of loving someone in the way that the description describes, because, to them, love is a skill, not an emotion.

They find the Idealists* Personality way of loving both heightened and impossible to achieve, and that causes a conflict: They must be best people possible, but they cannot reach the kind of love that the Idealists* Personalities describe, because they do not understand that you cannot choose the way you love a person, and love isn’t transferable, and you cannot decide that I want to love THAT INDIVIDUAL in THIS WAY. You can always take care of someone’s needs, no matter how you feel about them, simply because you are a human being, but you cannot love someone for the way they are who they are by decision; you either love them or you do not. (This is not entirely true, but it is important to learn that nobody owes love to nobody and that you cannot force yourself to feel a certain way towards another person.) Now, the Survivalist* Personalities might be very irritated at this stage asking what is the purpose of a soulmate typology that describes different ways of love if you cannot learn how to love that way, and here is the answer: It is important for the Idealists* Personalities to understand the way the Survivalist* Personalities love, so that they will be able to avoid the guilt trip that the Survivalist* Personalities lay on them for not being able to love them in the way the Survivalist* Personalities fall in love. This is for the protection of the Idealists* Personalities, primarily, who will get a lot out of this, and unfortunately, it means the Survivalist* Personalities will have to accept certain realities in life, and one of them is this: You cannot force yourself to love a person’s personality traits unless you happen to value who they are automatically. In other words, love, just like hate or anger, is a reaction, not a skill.

This means, and this is very distressing to the Survivalist* Personality, that sometimes the Idealists* Personalities will leave you permanently because you cannot love each other in the way that the Idealists* Personalities need to be loved, and to them, the way the Survivalist* Personalities love is an insult to everything that they hold valuable about themselves. The Survivalist* Personality love to a Idealists* Personality is a constant reminder of how little they are valued, not the other way around. It is a constant spit in the face, and the more you try to prove them wrong, the less loved they feel. This is an absolute dead bolt unresolvable conflict between the Survivalist* Personalities and the Idealists* Personalities, and the unfortunate fact for the Survivalist* Personalities is that the Idealists* Personalities can deal with this easily while the Survivalist* Personalities cannot cope nor let go of this idea that there is an easy fix to the situation. There IS a fix, but it requires so much work from the Survivalist* Personality to go through, that it would be unfair and unrealistic to ask the Idealists* Personality to wait around for the Survivalist* Personality to get where they need to be in order to love each other – and even then, the most likely result of all the work the Survivalist* Personality will get to is the fact they realize they do not really love each other nor should they.

The Survivalist* Personalities must understand that the Idealists* Personality WILL NEVER CHANGE into a person the Survivalist* Personality can respect at the moment. The only solution available is that the Survivalist* Personality will learn to love the traits of the Idealists* Personality, respect them or accept that neither will happen and let go of the Idealists* Personality. Most often, the Survivalist* Personality will expect the Idealists* Personality to change for them, but they will never do that. A person can never be changed by anyone but themselves, and a person who asks another person to change for them is a terrible human being as far as the Idealists* Personalities are concerned. A Survivalist* Personality will now get confused again: “But if a Idealists* Personality refuses to change for you, aren’t they demanding that the Survivalist* Personality changes for them, and therefore, they are the terrible person?” No, that is not what a Idealists* Personality is doing. They would NEVER ask you to change who you are, they are asking the Survivalist* Personality to end the relationship so that they can both continue being who they are.

Unfortunately, it goes against the Survivalist* Personality’s nature to end a relationship for any reason, and that makes the Survivalist* Personality think that the Idealists* Personality is asking them to change.

An Idealist* Personality must disappear into a rabbit hole in order to make a break from the Survivalist* Personality who has got them pegged for a part of their lives, but how does one do that without having the Survivalist* Personality follow you where ever you go..?

An Idealist* Personality needs the Survivalist* Personality to do something completely unforgivable so that all their emotions for them die at that moment. Fortunately, the Idealists* Personalities have a very strict code of honor, and if that code is violated, their love and respect for a person will die completely, with the “last straw” method. An Idealist* Personality usually has something that they will find an absolute deal breaker; for instance, for me, one of those unforgivable acts is any disrespect shown towards someone I hold in high regard. “You insult a friend of mine, you are dead to me.” If that happens, the bond between the Survivalist* Personality and a Idealists* Personality will break from the Idealists* Personality’s end.

An Idealist* Personality can also violate the trust of the Survivalist* Personality by committing the worst crime they can imagine: To not be there when they need you most. To completely drop the ball on them. To show indifference to all upkeep of a friendship or family unit. To not do what is expected of them. To not be responsible. To cut the ties to the Survivalist* Personality, a Idealists* Personality must show the Survivalist* Personality that they are completely unreliable people.

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