the Survivalist* rarely break up, but when they do, they vanish
To explain the Survivalist* way of breaking up, I also have to explain a lot of the Idealists* mindset related to their relationships with the Survivalist*.
Typically, the Survivalist* mate for life. There are situations, however, where they may completely turn around and change their alliance on the spot. While the Idealists* seem very insecure and apologetic about their breakups, the Survivalist* simply flip a switch and they’re gone. While the Idealists* feel the need to explain why they decided to break up with someone – and they wish for an explanation when broken up from, the Survivalist* feel they owe nobody explanations; “I’m gone – that means I don’t love you anymore, or I found someone better than you, which part of that don’t you understand?”
the Idealists* are not possessive to begin with, while the Survivalist* are, and this causes difficulty for the Idealists* and the Survivalist* breakups, and it’s difficult for the Idealists* to understand how to break up with the Survivalist*… And for the Survivalist* to believe they’ve actually been dumped even though the conversation is still on-going.
If in any earlier posts I’ve claimed that the Idealists* and the Survivalist* cannot successfully form a relationship, this post should override that. The Idealists* and the Survivalist* CAN and DO fall in love all the time, it’s just that it can be truly heartbreaking at times. I’ve realized that there’s something that the Survivalist* do, that is so immediate and fast, that a Idealists*, such as myself, doesn’t notice it happening when they are the object to the realignment of loyalties – one way or another. Therefore, to a Idealists* it may seem that the Survivalist* don’t break up at all, and are thus basically unable to even know what love is – if they can’t break up, how can they actually CHOOSE a partner? It seems, to a Idealists*, that they just drift into a random relationship and live with whatever they get – but they are a little more complex than that, after all.
Be advised that both the Survivalist* and the Idealists* feel the other type is cold and heartless
Before I go on, I must say that both the Survivalist* and the Idealists* feel that the other type is absolutely cold and heartless in the way they conduct their relationships. The Idealists* see the Survivalist* as opportunists and money-hungry, who form relationships for financial gain and an up in their social status. The Survivalist* feel that the Idealists* evaluate humans completely based on their looks or their financial status, and feel nothing in terms of true love and romance. This is because of their approach to relationships is so vastly different, that the interpretation is easy to make both ways. In reality, they both want the same thing, but the way they go about it can land both types on a cold land, even though heat and love were what they were after.
I talk about these approaches elsewhere, but just so you know, both the Survivalist* and the Idealists* want the same thing, but the way they approach things and talk about things, to each other, both sound cold as ice.
the Survivalist* project a lot and believe everyone’s dream life looks identical
What you also need to know is that the Survivalist* project a lot. A LOOOOT. They always tend to assume everyone wants the same thing as they want, whether that person admits to it or not. Therefore, if they want a monogamous marriage and children, they assume, without a shadow of a doubt, that everyone’s idea of true love reflects that same fantasy.
No matter how much you’re trying to describe your polyamorous or childfree dream life (or anything slightly out of the ordinary), they assume you’re kidding and want to keep proving to you that your secret fantasy of monogamous marriage with 2-3 children and a picket fence is an achievable reality. They find it very difficult to wrap their mind around a romance that looks anything different from that. For as long as they see themselves as a person who is able to provide that, they see themselves as the dream partner to just about anyone. This is why they may find it difficult to let go of their dream of making your (presumed) dreams come true.
The young the Survivalist*
In adolescence, the Survivalist* is a devoted child, who will do anything for their parents. However, they grow up through symbolic phases, and they have a habit of declaring themselves adult, whereas the Idealists* don’t. The Idealists* grow up somewhat differently, kind of all ages at once. The Survivalist* go through rites of passage, that, to the Idealists* are more or less meaningless, if not something they have never even paid attention to.
An the Idealists* female can have her periods and feel not one ounce more adult than what they did the day before, but the Survivalist* girl would immediately consider herself a full-grown woman at 12 years of age. The Idealists* are a bit more realistic about things like that. Similarly, losing one’s virginity, to a Idealists*, doesn’t make them feel any more grown-up, just more experienced or less like a loser, for instance, but the Survivalist* boy may consider himself a full-grown man directly after losing his virginity.
In a similar cut-and-dry manner, the Survivalist* will cut off their previous relationships and realign themselves with a new person, or a group. The Survivalist* leave their past behind like an old skin or an old pair of jeans – like it never was… They may also largely forget having been children or have this hazy, obscure idea of how it was, but don’t TRULY hold the child within themselves as the Idealists* do. (This makes them somewhat unsympathetic parents because they find it difficult to put themselves in the child’s position, especially if the child is very different to themselves.)
Still, they’ll drop the old only after they’ve found something better for themselves. The Idealists*, again, may well dwell on an unpleasant past or the memory of an unpleasant relationship that is linked to pleasant memories with other people. They feel who they are is a collection of events and people that have happened to them and who they’ve known. To drop the negative memories would also require them to drop a lot of positive memories, and they feel doing so would make them feel… Incomplete or emotionally amputated.
Troublesome breakups
Because the Idealists* don’t truly drop their past at any stage, and they remain all ages at the same time, they don’t completely fall out of love with the people of their past. The Idealists* never or rarely cancel the importance of the people of their past. They may not be in love with their former partner anymore, but they still KNOW WHY they loved them before. Therefore, the Survivalist* don’t truly ever know when the Idealists* is truly done with them. And this creates nearly an impossible situation to unravel, and sadly, this situation can remain effective “in the spirit” or emotional level LONG AFTER the physical relationship with that person has ended. “Physical” meaning ANY interaction with that person, after unfriending them on Facebook, to make it easier to understand.
In order for a Idealists* to make the Survivalist* feel that the relationship is over, they must FORCE themselves to drop the old, and cut contact entirely. No matter how DONE they are with a person, they don’t want to cut them out of their lives the same way as the Survivalist* would without a second thought, as they feel THEY WERE THERE with that person in the past. Cutting that person out of their past REQUIRES the Idealists* to deny a part of who they ARE or WERE as well, in order to drop that baggage. Therefore, a Idealists* is rarely willing to sacrifice the history of THEMSELVES to the breakup from another person. To a Idealists* who they WERE is as much a part of themselves today than what they ARE today – but the Survivalist* doesn’t feel that way. A Survivalist* sheds a previous role like an old uniform and put on another one. (Like professional sport is difficult for a Idealists* who gets drafted into a new team, because they find it difficult to switch loyalties to a new team, but the Survivalist* will forget their past team and simply readopt the new team… Unless their old team plays with their emotions and accuse them of infidelity… ;p)
An the Idealists* is a collector of memories, they love to live their nostalgia over and over, even though they have no intention of going back to it. Therefore, a Idealists* would do wisely to completely avoid any negative or unpleasant situations and relationships, and thrive to keep them at an absolute minimum… An the Idealists* should never give people chances if they can already predict how it’s going to end and why… And often they can.
A Survivalist* simply drops you
When the Survivalist* breaks up with you, they simply feel like scales fall out of their eyes, they suddenly see you as a regular person (and the new person as the new shiny object). This to a Idealists* who the Survivalist* falls for, sounds terrifying, as what stops the Survivalist* from dropping them as well, just like an old hat, should they feel that way? A Survivalist* will completely deny the value of a previous relationship, and this VERY OFTEN includes their own children. They can just as easily walk out of the lives of their children as their spouse if they feel it’s necessary. They will also walk out completely if they are being divorced from. The requirement to keep seeing their children, sometimes, only confuse them, as they see the family as a unit, rather than a group of individuals. If the wife keeps the children… She keeps the children, right, and he’s gone, out, done. If his former wife keeps calling him up for alimony or visits with the kids, the Survivalist* father will interpret it as her attempt to keep the family together, and any divorce proceedings as some kind of a mind-game.
An the Idealists* will notice “they’re gone”
If a Idealists* is in love with the Survivalist* who leaves them, they’ll simply notice their feelings vanishing from their lives. This is surprisingly enough not painful for a Idealists*, either, especially if there are no children involved. It’s just that the feelings that were there are suddenly no longer there. The Survivalist* simply vanishes out of their lives on an emotional level, like they never were there. That person becomes a non-lover or a non-friend.
An the Idealists* is never as possessive to begin with as the Survivalist* is, and they can deal with nuances of emotion: high love, love, minor love… And there’s almost always some affection left in a Idealists* toward whoever they’ve ever known – which makes it nearly impossible for the Survivalist* to let go of a Idealists*, because for as long as there are some nostalgic feelings left… A Survivalist* feels loved and thus locked into a relationship with the Idealists*. A Survivalist* feels obligated to return all love given to them, no matter how small or meaningless those feelings are.
An the Idealists* feels that the Survivalist* way of breaking up is stone cold and that it completely disvalues the entire relationship and what it meant at all. A Survivalist* feels the Idealists* way of breaking up is cruel, or indecisive, especially IF the Survivalist* WOULD still have the Idealists* back, they feel as though the Idealists* cannot make up their mind about whether they’re really going or not. This makes the Survivalist* feel like they’re a fish in a hook that is never truly released to seek new relationships. An the Idealists* doesn’t see this as a problem for themselves, but they can move on despite residual feelings for someone else or even if their partner still feels something for someone else. An the Idealists* feels it would be unreasonable and unrealistic to expect all feelings for other people to die out completely, but they do feel flattered when a new the Survivalist* lover abandons their entire past for the Idealists*. (If a Idealists* does that for another the Idealists*…. That’s been one hell of an unhappy the Idealists*.)
Still, when the Survivalist*’s attention shifts to a new relationship or a new phase in life, they’re gone, and their entire emotional fidelity moves from one person to the next. IF they have a role for you, they can be very affectionate toward you even after they fall for another person, but if not, they simply vanish. You could compare them to a dog, again; they may fight and fuss when they’re given to a new owner, but two weeks later they’ve forgotten you existed. The only situation where the Survivalist* is as happy as a dog is to see you again is when they fully believe that you’ve been separated without your knowledge or wish, by an unfortunate event, or… That you, effectively, came back from the dead. (Because that’s how I believe some dogs see their owners vanishing, they died and then they came back to life!)
Acquiring new relationship roles
When the Survivalist* grows up… Or, when the Survivalist* meets their future wife or husband, they are just as likely as a Idealists* is, to fall in love at first sight with their True Emotion Mirror. How their identity sifts, however, is different from a Idealists*. A Survivalist* will sift their identity and the role in regards to other people as a result to their new feelings. Therefore, a previously devoted son or daughter becomes someone else’s (future) husband or wife, and their parents become “the old parents”, “the old caretakers”, and their own role shifts into that of a “mature child”, and thus their parent’s caretaker as a result of them finding the true love of their lives.
However, if the Survivalist* is moving on from another person, who doesn’t have a predefined role that the Survivalist* can wrap their mind around, such as “the ex, who is the mother/father of my children”, they can have a hard time coping with the relationship in the new setting and can fully drop that connection as simply “something that was but no longer is”.
In that sense, the Idealists* may simply be more adapted to breaking up, they see an old friend as an old friend, without having to actually be angry or “fully done” with an old friend. Old relationships can still exist in the lives of a Idealists*, although that relationship has progressed into a new state; “my former best friend, who is still dear to me, but no longer the #1 in my life” or “my former girlfriend, who is now a just a friend”, or “my beloved child whose mom/dad I am no longer in love with or live with”.
the Survivalist* feel they must reward all love
One of the reasons why it’s so difficult for the Idealists* and the Survivalist* to break up is that the Survivalist* always feels they OWE love back no matter how little the love is. Therefore, if a Idealists* nostalgically looks at photos of a past relationship with someone, even a friend, the Survivalist* in those photos will feel (even from a remote location) like they have to immediately reward this residue love by renewing the relationship.
This may be a sign of bad self-esteem, coming from a feeling that NOBODY should actually love them, and they must, thus, serve the person who gives them love. They feel they are enslaved by positive feelings given to them because they find those feelings so rare or undeserved… That it makes them act completely needy and self-centered. Because they are given love, they insist they must give love back, the relationship hasn’t ended because they haven’t been thrown entirely out into the emotional nuclear winter… And now they owe you.
A Survivalist* can become tyrannical in their need to reward the little love or affection you showed toward them.1
the Idealists* must help the Survivalist* redefine the relationship
If and when the Idealists* feels that the Survivalist* cannot let go of them after a breakup, which can happen, they have two options. They can either help the Survivalist* by dropping the entire baggage – which can be difficult for a Idealists* to do in reality or, they can help the Survivalist* redefine the relationship and the new roles they’ll hold.
Often, what may be enough is to introduce the Survivalist* to someone else with a new label: “This is my former wife/husband, my current best friend, So-and-So.” “This so-and-so, she/he used to be my best friend in high school, and is now happily married and a mom/dad of So-and-So.” “This is my mother, since I left home she has started gardening.” (There’s a dangerous caveat in there, tho. I almost continued this sentence with a “…because her mom told her that nobody should try to raise a garden and children at the same time”, which to the Survivalist* easily sounds like a bitchy accusation that she SHOULD HAVE kept being a mom, and her eye on the ball, and she’s using gramma as an excuse to divert her attention to such menial hobbies as gardening, but… Her being selfish and all, I must now accept she’s totally into gardening now, instead of me, her own flesh and blood!” So avoid the “because” sentence structure, to the Survivalist*, it sounds like an accusation and a “you haven’t paid your love dues back, yet, bitch”.)
the Survivalist* are super sensitive to all accusations and ifs, buts, maybes, because… They don’t want to be made to reconsider their motivations or the moral validity of their choices. If you want to keep the Survivalist* in the past, keep your relationship-defining sentences short and without the possibility of interpretation as an accusation or a complaint.
the Survivalist* loyalty
As a Idealists*, there is probably only one thing I admire about the Survivalist* as a group. :p That is their take on loyalty. When they ARE with you, they are with you 100%. But as soon as they see someone better being available to them, they can drop their old connection at a drop of the hat and they’ll move on, right? This ensures, that they’ll never spend a moment with someone who they do not believe is absolutely THE BEST PERSON IN THE WORLD, and the ONLY REASON why they’d drop that person even though they think that person IS the best person, is that that person is not available to them. Eventually, they’ll find their best people in the world – a bit of carnage along the way but… The end result will be perfection.
the Idealists* also want to find the best people for them, but they don’t tend to be so black and white about it as the Survivalist* are. They’ll accept a “no can do”, but the Survivalist* need a completely cold front from a person who they think they’d worship forever. Therefore, if you are in love with the Survivalist*, you MUST small talk to him or her, otherwise, they’ll think you’re giving them the stone wall even if you were trying to be alluring to them otherwise. The Survivalist* are not really good at flirtation, and will easily miss those cues, you will do a lot better with normal talk, and even better telling them something akin to a “good boy” -messages, “ah aren’t you beautiful, you’re such a nice person…” Like you were making friends with a dog.
An the Idealists*, however, tends to be a bit wishy-washy about who they allow near them. This is annoying for the Survivalist*, and taxing to a Idealists*. The Survivalist* feels “are you in or are you not? Are we going to do this or are we not? Please make up your mind!” An the Idealists* is not as black and white. There are situations when they are not sure if something would work for them or not. And they also don’t want to miss out on a relationship that might turn out to be amazing over time. So they may want to TRY a relationship and they also often feel obligated to try a relationship, when the Survivalist* begs for a chance to prove themselves or insists they already have.
the Idealists* do feel that unquestionable true love at first sight, too. They want it, but they also can see potential in relationships that are not there yet. The Survivalist* don’t. They are either in love or they are not. They have no in-between. The Idealists* have nuance on top of nuance in their relationships.
True Emotion Mirrors BLEND your the Idealists* / the Survivalist* attitudes
One last thing. When True Emotion Mirrors meet, be they the Idealists* or the Survivalist*, they start acting a bit more toward the other type than what they have ever done before. Their idea of how relationships work will actually start altering a bit and sifting toward the balance between the Idealists* and the Survivalist* attitudes.
The entire True Emotion Mirror idea is a bit Tyrannical. The difference is that the Idealists* thinker type is acutely aware of existing True Emotion Mirrors that they have no intention of letting go of – their loyalty spans across lifetimes. A regular the Survivalist* feels they can find that same level love with just about anybody given that their ASL (age, sex, location) matches, but a True Emotion Mirror the Survivalist* is more than likely a sworn bachelor or a bachelorette before finding their True Emotion Mirror again.
That is to say that don’t freak out when your TrEmoR turns you into a fucking the Survivalist*. :p It’s okay and natural… And healthy. Once you DARE to act completely Tyrannical toward your TrEmoR, you’re in a pretty good place with them. Until then… Anarchy, anarchy, anarchy!
Like Amber Heard, a 100% the Survivalist*, would have felt the obsessive obligation to reward Johnny Depp’s (an the Idealists*) kindness after being trusted with a role to his movie and given a chance like that. So despite not being in love with him, per se, being a lesbian and all, she still felt the heat-directed missile need to reward Depp for his kindness by near forcefully marrying him. Once she felt she’s paid her dues, she became aggressive and violent toward Depp, who eventually asked too much of her for simply having shown her a little kindness… Heard felt that the price of her chance in his movie, was about equal to her marrying him, but only for a duration of time, after which she felt she’s paid her dues. To her, it didn’t make a difference Depp was already married with kids, because Depp showed HER kindness, which, in her mind means she was targetted for deal of love given, love paid back. Again, dog mentality: “I’ve been given a treat, I must perform a trick.” No other alternative. 100% conditioned mindset from treat given -> a favor expected, without Depp having done anything at all to suggest that was his expectation. Yeah, weird. ↩
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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