the Survivalist* Thinking communication takes a bit of guess work.

the Survivalist* don’t use language effectively. They tend to communicate in reverse, saying the last thing they actually mean. Therefore, it’s often impossible for a Idealists* to understand what it is that they try to convey.

For instance. If your the Survivalist* Thinking parent is yelling at you for the smallest of reasons, what she’s trying to say is that they feel out of their depth and don’t know how to guide you anymore. You may be a teenager, and they already think you should be taking your life into your own hands, even if you feel completely incapable. The thing is, though, that the Survivalist* thinks at the level of a Cat Thinking 6-year-old, and if you know anything about the Cat Thinking 6-year-olds, they know everything. 😉 (My numbers may be a little off, but not by much.) A Survivalist* is an emotional child, and they’ll be quickly out of their depth when a Idealists* enters sexual maturity.

the Survivalist* cry when they shout.

When Survivalist* are yelling and shouting at their loved ones, they feel like crying. They’re afraid and uncertain, feel unloved and uncared for, and feel the need to be cuddled like a child and guided to their next responsibility like a child. This, to many the Idealists*, is not only incomprehensible but also very unattractive. The Idealists* will interpret this as frustration over their stupidity and slow learning when it’s often the opposite: “YOU are the smart one; take the reigns.”

the Idealists* yell and scream when they are not getting the message through: “Learn this; you have to figure this out, or we can’t move forward. You’re holding everyone back!” Unfortunately, the Survivalist* will interpret this as insecurity: “Someone smarter than me, please take the reigns.”

the Survivalist* also react by INSTINCT; even if you didn’t show aptitude to something they are good at (like maths) but you’re generally speaking smarter than they are, they’ll feel very uncertain about teaching you anything. This even applies to their own area of expertise.

the Survivalist* tend to say/do one thing and mean the opposite.

the Survivalist* tend to communicate in reverse. They pretend to be self-confident when they’re insecure. They take when they want to give. When they want to be taken care of, they take care of you instead. They say they hate you when they feel hated or unloved by you.

The bigger problem here is that they also believe others do the same thing. If you want them to back off and give you space, they tend to believe you mean they need to rally up troops to help you and support you. If you want the Survivalist* Thinking parent to back off, you need to pretend to be self-sufficient and very capable, no matter how fake that would look. With an outsider the Survivalist*, this act will more than likely produce an opposite result: “You look so successful, you must be dying inside. You just need someone to support you…”

To the Survivalist*, love means “taking care of the weaker one.”

Now, it is very important to know, that to the Survivalist*, “love” means “taking care of the weaker one,” when interpreting what the Survivalist* means to say. They see the weak/strong counterparts in everything. The Idealists* try to enforce equality, the Survivalist* try to find out who is the stronger and who is the weaker one. For those of you who have lived in True Emotion Mirror partnerships with the Survivalist*, you’ll find that the leader position changes sometimes, and you need to know which one you are.

The Survivalist* demonstrates inability to lead in various ways; drugs, alcohol, bad dressing, yelling, screaming, over-spending… A number of things. None of these behaviors mean “I don’t love/respect/want you,” they mean “you probably don’t want me, but if you do, rescue me. Take over.”

What we must learn from the Survivalist* is that they WILL LEAVE YOU in the lurge if they don’t love you. The Idealists* will try to help anyone in need, but we must simply leave them be, because if you give them hope of being taken care of, they’ll redouble their effort to convince you that you’re the strong one. If you leave them on their own because you don’t love them, they’ll have to shape up enough to survive, and find another target to cry to.

You cannot tell the Survivalist* straight.

If you want the Survivalist* to hear what you say when you don’t LOVE THEM, you cannot say it straight. They don’t ever want to hear “I hate you” or “I don’t care about you,” expressed in words. They don’t believe words, either. If you don’t love them, you must express it indirectly. Ridicule might work. Mimicking their idiotic attitude might work. What won’t work is a serious preachy tone that explains exactly how you feel about them. It’s like turning on the faucet and expect them to understand what it’s saying.

If you feel there might be a small opening to saying something directly, use as short a sentence as you can; the bottom line. “I’m filing for a divorce.” (Don’t say “I want a divorce,” because they don’t know “want” means you demand it, and they think “want” is renegotiable.)

“You are not my friend anymore.” (They also see friendship reversed, “you are not my friend” means “I will no longer take care of you”, when to a Idealists*, the opposite is more logical: “I am not your friend anymore” which, to the Survivalist* would mean “you are no longer taking care of me but you should.” Friend=dependent=child. The Idealists* usually use the word “friend” to mean the opposite; care taker, even, responsible for you and your happiness, therefore: “I am not your friend anymore” means “I am no longer your care taker or responsible for you.” It would help if you unpack that sentence if you need it. Sorry for bringing it up but I’ll leave it, as it is telling.)

the Survivalist* are very difficult to reject.

One way to get rid of the Survivalist* is to openly show attention to someone more interesting. This won’t work, however, if they have somehow gotten it into their heads that you want them to be impressed by you, and that you “invited them” to see how you’re interested in someone else so that you’d get their interest instead.

Because it’s so impossible to put a dent in the Survivalist* Thinking self-confidence, they’re almost impossible to reject. They’re quick to interpret everything negative as a deliberate attempt to enslave them; making them take care of you… Or everything positive to offering to take care of them. You need to weave a very tight line to reject the Survivalist* in a way they’ll understand it, and it’s simply the hardest thing in this world to do when it comes to social relationships.

And once you have them IN a relationship, the hardest thing in the world is to convince you actually want them there.

One way to reject the Survivalist* is to ask them to teach you something you’d be interested in.

One of the most important reasons a Idealists* is not romantically interested in a particular the Survivalist* is that the Cat is a lot smarter and capable than the Survivalist*. The Survivalist* understand this, but are confused because a Idealists* is always willing to coach and teach anyone around them. THAT to the Survivalist*, is pure love and/or a desperate need to be loved and “taken in.” Therefore, coaches who coach for free, to the Survivalist*, are desperados looking for a new family. Coaches who coach with a massive fee, are choosy catches who look for a new family. Coaching, as such, is a dangerous profession to get into with these mothafucas around.¹ They’re also really easy to sucker money out of without teaching them anything even remotely useful. Just pick “a blueprint” and run with it, but let me digress…

To reject the Survivalist* who hasn’t paid you (enough) for your services and is now knocking about looking for friendship can be rejected by asking them to teach you “something interesting you don’t know yet” in return. Something equal to the coaching they’ve received. The chances are they’ll have nothing, and that they understand “what the deal was,” even though they will get it wrong, they get it right enough for your purposes.

The way the Survivalist* rejects your advances is similar to a toddler refusing food.

To understand the type of behavior the Survivalist* use to express rejection, is the same as a toddler would do. They turn their head away, they act like you’d be a piece of over-boiled broccoli. If you try to let them down nicely, they think what you really mean to say is that you’re a high-born individual and as such twice the catch they gave you credit for to begin with. Which, in the Survivalist* Thinking terms means: “You don’t respect me enough, try harder” not, “I’m a nice person and not interested in you.”

For any the Survivalist*: An Idealist* typically rejects you by showing you only mild attention: Being coolly friendly without making an effort to keep contact with you or to make future plans with you. If you put pressure on them, they’ll likely go on a date with you, even a few, but they won’t love you more for it, and you’ll always be the chaser… And you’ll never truly catch your mark. That is not to say the Idealists* are NEVER interested in you, but they’re such an easy catch if you do the smallest of effort that you’ll likely lose interest in them the moment you get them – unless it’s true love, in which case, you won’t know how you got there, and you doubt the very ground you walk on and probably fuck it up yourself.

1. Speaking of coaching, to get the price range right is to keep the Survivalist* from confusing you for a friendship seeker. If you charge too low, they think you’re offering free love, and want to be loved by anybody, if you charge too much, they think you’re putting on an act in order to impress them and to make them think you’re a catch. ↩

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