the Normal Person* transition to a Savants*
There are a few key life lessons to be learned between the Normal Person* and the Savants*.
Both types know and agree that there are unwanted, unlikeable traits in other people. The Normal Person* tend to think their traits are lovely, understandable, sensible, and categorically ‘right.’ Still, the Savants* feel that first of all, “unlikeable” is often a matter of opinion, and while typically people don’t like everything about each other, what they like and don’t like varies a lot.
The problematic of unlikeable traits in others.
Now, to have a relationship with another person, we must decide how to handle the unlikeable traits in others. A pure Dog-Type Thinker figures that since only other people have unlikeable traits, it falls on them to change others around them into perfect people because that’s their duty as someone who loves them. A Normal Person* doesn’t see themselves as unwanted or unwelcome anywhere. Therefore, they also see it as their duty to change the person they wind up dating and marrying. That person could be effectively anyone at all. And as a new development, they can also be from any gender or sexual orientation these days… As there is no universal “right” gender or sexual orientation anymore.
You/We all have unlikeable traits.
A pure the Savants* thinks we all have traits we don’t objectively like, so there’s no need to rub each other’s incompatible traits in each other’s faces when we interact with those who don’t love us fully.1 the Savants* automatically react to negative reactions to our traits in our relationship with others and suppress those traits during interactions with incompatible people. If I’m a strong Christian and you’re an atheist, it’s likely we both keep our convictions out of the conversation to a large degree if we want this interaction to run smoothly. We don’t keep it a secret, but we will try not to rock the boat with it.
the Normal Person* feel the constant need to challenge others in arguments and fight over their beliefs and convictions to “fix them.” The premise is this: “We hold opposite ideas or opinions. One of us is wrong. One of us needs to change.” the Savants* like to CONVERSE different ideas with other the Savants* but don’t enjoy an open “change your mind” argument over them. The Normal Person*, I’ve noticed, may also deliberately BAN certain discussion topics if their the Cat Thinking PARENT has told them not to talk about things that bring on arguments. This makes the curious and argumentative the Normal Person* visibly uncomfortable, as they cannot go against their parent’s commands even as an adult but feel the dire need to have their own beliefs tested and challenged. They also believe OTHERS are breaking some grand rule by talking about these things openly, basically, like a Savants* would feel when a keynote speaker whose topic is climate change would start their speech by describing their own genitalia in detail. (“But we were supposed to discuss the weather, who got engaged, how kids are going at school… Why are you talking about God?! That’s a taboo subject!“)
the Savants* don’t rock the boat, the Normal Person* go where they can find an argument easiest.
The difference is this: the Savants* hate arguing over matters of great personal importance to themselves or others. The reason being is that everyone has their likes, dislikes, convictions, and they feel everyone has every right to them. There’s no point arguing over something that makes a person who they are. Like arguing with a rock for why does it have to stay hard all the time.
the Normal Person* don’t know the difference is what is a permanent character trait or chosen (difficult) life path in others, and what is an opinion subject to change. While there are the Savants* -typical topics that they should open for scrutiny and attack, there are others that the Normal Person* tend not to respect but always challenge, mostly pushing the Savants* into hiding a lot of things that they hold dear and don’t want to subject to hostile attacks. (From personal interaction with my the Normal Person* Thinking mother: my romances, sex life, spiritual convictions, and why I won’t take a regular day job. All of these topics are FINE to TALK about, but the Normal Person* want to FIGHT ABOUT IT.)
When the Savants* refuse to force their opinions on the Normal Person*, the Normal Person* does it to them: “If you don’t want to change me, you must feel I’m the superior, therefore, I’ll change you into my own image.” the Normal Person* feel the lack of boundary very acutely, therefore they try to give others boundaries. The Savants* are self-bound. They know what they are, and the Normal Person* getting into their business feels like they’re gnawing on the bounds that hold them together.
You can’t change others – you force them into hiding or out of your life.
The first realization that comes to the Normal Person* is that they will not be able to change another person. The Savants* know this already. You merely force them into hiding their traits that come out as soon as a more accepting and compatible comes around. This might be about anything; art, music, spirituality, sexuality, gender expression, often their typical sense of humor; you name it. When a person feels more accepted and free to express themselves, they will change right back into who they were before.
The other option is that your attempt to criticize, change, and direct and “help” another person into becoming more like yourself will chase them right out of your life.
Looking for acceptable partners and friends.
Once this lesson sinks in, it will put the Normal Person* Thinking into “a flux.” They will keep their own opinions to themselves better… and start to look for ACCEPTABLE partners and friends over ones with POTENTIAL to be what they want of them. They still believe others have nasty character traits, and maybe open to thinking they, themselves might have a couple, too, but others do, for sure. They will accept that those people are beyond help, and they’ll focus on those who are already acceptable to them.
There are people you love A LOT in this world!
The next realization that a person makes is that there are people who are beyond acceptable to them. They’re downright cool and hip! With glazed-over doe eyed adoration, the Normal Person* thinks that if they will become a part of that group of people, they will also become like them. Quite innocently and with no doubt of their own awesomeness, they will join a new group of cool people and expect to be a full member in no time.
This phase is so much talked about in this blog that I won’t waste too much effort in describing it further than placing it on a time line here.
I love them, but they don’t love me.
This is a trauma that will stay with most of us for lifetimes. We loved someone fully, some people even, fully, but they rejected us. We didn’t understand what we did wrong, and we kept banging our head against the wall with no result. We gave our everything, loved, admired, worshipped, and got nothing in return. Eventually, we grew to accept that even though we loved them, they didn’t love us, and there’s a certain status difference in between: Keep to your league.
Now, this ‘league’ thing becomes interesting in a much later stage, but is based on this life lesson.
I’m happy for as long as I love them – I must force them to stay with me (MARRY ME!)
Next, a person learns to find another who they can coerce into an actual relationship with them, and then, force them to stay. It is called A MARRIAGE. The strategy being that you’ll find someone who you’re in love with, and somehow, you force that relationship into a matrimony. There’s an opposite trauma of this out there: Being forced into these marriages. Then, the trauma becomes: “I love people who I can never be married to. I must marry whomever loves me.” This trauma is going to be a later stage trauma, but created by these people.
This can be potentially a dangerous state for other people, as it can turn into desperation: “I’m happy for as long as I’m in a relationship with someone I love loving, but I must FORCE the people I love to stay with me (and to pretend to love me).” Some are absolutely RIGHT about not being loved back, and still try to force that relationship into existing. They may feel the lack of returned love so intently, that they believe ANYONE should be EXCTATIC to get to be the one who loves less in the relationship. Still, they refuse to leave that person they love more than they love themselves.
This is another state much spoken about in this blog. The blind refusal to realize that TO LOVE is the greatest privilege, that should and cannot be denied from another person; they will find someone else TO LOVE, not to be loved by. EVERYBODY WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE to BE IN LOVE over being loved by someone.
They’ll learn to take REJECTION and ABANDONMENT.
At first, rejection will hurt. Young souls will be confused about what about them makes them “not good enough.” They examine everything they see, their dress, their facial features, their hair, their bank balance, their educational background, family pedigree… and with the Savants*, they will eventually realize that they were rejected for the way they think, not for anything superficial.
You don’t often get rejected from a family – but you can certainly be rejected from a new group of friends and by people you wanted to date. This rejection will hurt at first, but a person will learn to see it for what it is: “They realized I’m not right TYPE for them, and as a consequence they’re not right for me, either. No harm done, they were just more observant to that than I was.” That maybe a little advanced thinking for a lot of people, but rejection will become OK. “They don’t love me, and that’s OK, I don’t love everybody, either.”
This will gradually awaken the Savants*; “what is important to me, what do I believe in and want to do beyond reproduction? What is the meaning of my life? Who am I meant to be with?”
You can change yourself to match.
Now, a person realizes that even though they can’t change others, they can certainly change themselves to match those cool people…
Soon, they’ll also realize that superficial change is not enough, and that “sub cultures” require a deeper, inner change for a new comer to be accepted, and becoming a full member of a sub culture maybe difficult. I’m talking about sub cultures, like business people, ballerinas, feminists, you know? Any group with an identity beyond “a family member.”
It’s somewhere around here, when a Savants* is searching for themselves and figuring out who they are, what everything is, that they get semi-forcefully entangled with other people who admire their relative advancedness in life.
Finding oneself – still held back by the Normal Person*.
There is a period in every the Savants*’s life when we define who we are. What we believe in, what we stand for, what we like, dislike, dream about. All of those things that intrigue a Savants* to no end. We self-bound. “I believe” instead of “my family/school/work believes.” An Savant* forms a clear ego: idea of self.
In this stage, the Savants* are still held back by the Normal Person*, but are no longer one of them. The fear that you might not be enough for those you love, and the fear of never finding true love will keep the Savants* bound to the backup plan: “I might have to settle for a ‘normal’ relationship instead of a hot, sexual romance.” Many of them accept it, too, as it’s MUCH EASIER to start a relationship with someone who you’re not crazy about. You don’t doubt your reality all the time. ;p
Most the Savants* are in this stage, because the next stage is A LOT to take in.
Freedom from the Normal Person* comes in realizing that you CAN be completely loved by someone you love completely. Accept nothing less.
The Normal Person* Thinking and the Cat Thinking to-and-fro revolves around the fear that THERE IS nobody who you love fully, who loves you fully. First of all, once we’re fully self-aware and better aware of others differences, we struggle to find someone who we’d actually love-love. Who we’d LOVE LOVING… And who’d love loving us back.
the Normal Person* also try to guilt trip the Savants* into staying with them (Marry me) and that creates the fear of breaking God’s will, even. That creates fear of doing something wrong when wanting to find true love. The Normal Person* still feel convinced that THEM LOVING YOU should be well enough of a compensation for a relationship with them, but once you realize the privilege is TO LOVE much more than to be loved, your thinking will change a bit.
Still, most people remain in this “I can love you (another) fully, but I don’t think someone like you would love me back” state for a long time, lifetimes, even. Once you get over your doubt of true love2 you will be free from the Normal Person* forever.
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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