the Survivalist*’s idea of a commitment (compared to the Intuitive)

The Survivalist* need an absolute commitment to truly fall in love. They begin dating to find a partner they can trust, and usually, this means they want someone from a family very similar to that of their own. They pay a lot of attention to your family background, much more so than the Idealists*. If they happened to have an unhappy childhood, they are looking for someone dissimilar to their own family, while possibly trying to hide their own family background that they are ashamed of. (When a Idealists* doesn’t speak about their family too much, the Survivalist* thinks this means they’re ashamed of their family and are seeking commitment. Their reluctance to date also could be interpreted as a sign of shame about their past. The Survivalist* may overlook this and think they could rescue this person from their dysfunctional family. The Survivalist* are also suckers for “bad boys” or “fallen women” and other types of weirdos, who are very often the Idealists* they think they have the right and obligation to fix. Their rationale is interesting: “I’m not much of a catch, but I’m good enough for that loser/weirdo.”)

The Survivalist* wants to make sure they’ll find someone to stick by them to the day they’re put into the grave through thick and thin. This also applies to the Idealists*, but their need is a lot more romantic, they want to be loved and cherished, admired and thought magical for the rest of their lives, and find someone who they feel the same way towards, although most are pretty skeptical about the realism of this wish. The Survivalist*’s idea of romance is a lot more practical. Someone to handle the everyday life with, someone to watch movies with once the kids are in bed (again nothing a Idealists* would scoff at but with a nuance difference). The Survivalist* wants to share their everyday life as they feel unsafe and scared alone, a Idealists* doesn’t even know what would be scary about life unless it was their first night living on the streets! The Survivalist* basic sense of security is not quite as established as the Idealists*’, which is why they like to flock to people, and seek comfort and safety from others without being overly concerned about such details as “how much do I like his bicep” or “I wonder if I’ll find an intellectual connection to this person…” The Idealists* is looking for someone who’d make their life less boring and mundane, while the Survivalist* needs someone to make it less scary and bewildering. This means that when the Survivalist* is happy in a relationship with a Idealists*, the Idealists* will be bored shitless. (They’re a terrible match in more ways than one, so the Survivalist* should always seek for each other instead, and so should the Idealists*.)

The Survivalist* can get a little bullheaded about their relationship commitments, however, and this is when things start to get a little worrying. Some of them believe their commitment and love needs to be tested, or that they need to test the other for their level of commitment, and although some the Idealists* do this too, their motivations for staying together are different. When the Idealists* asks (through potential arguing and bickering and even violence:) “How much do you love me, how much do you forgive me? How important am I to you?” the Survivalist* asks: “How committed are you to this relationship? How much do you want to stay in it, can I trust your commitment?” To the Survivalist*, a relationship is not nearly as personal as it is for a Idealists*, they pretty much believe each man is just about as good as another, and that each woman is just differentiated by their level of beauty, nothing more. The only thing they want to know is how seriously they want to remain in a relationship at all, they don’t question their own involvement (do you want me?) but whether they want A REAL relationship at all.

From the Idealists*’ perspective, the way the Survivalist* seeks for a partner is like they were looking for an employee. It’s a job position rather than a romance. An the Idealists* probably hates the word “partner” too, as it sounds too cold and impersonal. An the Idealists* kind of likes the idea of “a lover” even though finds it too thick and tasty to use in a normal context.

When the Survivalist* starts to test someone’s commitment or have their commitment tested, they believe that no matter what comes, they need to endure it. The Idealists* isn’t that bad, as they take things more personally, faster. What is also interesting about the Survivalist* is that they don’t take ANYTHING personally, not even the stuff that is intended to wound them deeply on a personal level. When a Idealists* needs one personal jibe to wound them forever, the Survivalist* needs years worth of verbal abuse before it even starts to hit home. In my Psychic Conversation, I CANNOT FIND ANYTHING hurtful enough to phase my the Survivalist* -type friends and family members who CANNOT COMPREHEND that I am not testing their commitment but trying to tell them they are not needed nor wanted here. This gave me full insight on how the Committed and the Idealists* types get into an abusive relationship. The Survivalist* complains about how the Idealists* is “being abusive” but it’s like: “Well, they’re behaving really badly, there’s something wrong with them” with a very easy air like it really meant nothing but some malfunction in their programming that they needed to rewire. THIS, in turn, can turn lethal, because if the Idealists* isn’t left alone, they are willing to kill for their freedom. The Idealists* kills for freedom, the Survivalist* kills to keep someone safe (whether they want to be kept safe or not). The Survivalist* will NEVER expect a lethal blow from someone who they consider a family member or a friend, even though the arguing had been on-going for years (and especially for that reason). The Idealists* type can try and give a person countless of opportunities to back down and save themselves when fighting for their freedom, but eventually, if they really can’t see any other way, they will feel that a life in prison would give them the sense of emotional freedom that they are now lacking. The Idealists* may feel like an emotional prisoner their whole lives, but the Survivalist* will not understand this without a lot of help… And mind you, even if the Survivalist* is the one getting beaten up, it is the Idealists* who truly suffers in relationships like this, because they cannot get away from them. The Survivalist* may “leave” for two weeks “to teach them a lesson” but they’ll always come back hoping them being away for “so long” will snap the Idealists* into the realization that one day they may take things too far and then they’ll lose the Survivalist*! And all this time, the Idealists* has been trying to break off the relationship, and nothing depresses them more as the sight of the Survivalist* returning home.

It is also the Survivalist* type that feels saying “I’m sorry” will fix everything. When the Survivalist* returns to an abusive the Idealists* spouse, the Idealists* will likely say nothing to them. They’ll carry on as if they were never gone, trying to imply they should leave the same way they returned. A Survivalist* may beat someone up to give them the impression that they are needed in their place, and then beg for forgiveness because they “took things too far” but they don’t thnk there was anything wrong with it per say, it’s just that it was too rough. The motivations of the Survivalist*’s spousal abuse is also different to that of a Idealists*. The Idealists* either wants you to go or behaves badly to see if you really love him or her. The Survivalist* tries to train you to behave a certain way or tests your commitment. So when the Idealists* is being abusive, the Survivalist* interprets it as “they’re trying to make me behave in a certain way (that I cannot understand, what does he/she want?)” while they’re being chased out of the relationship. When the roles are reversed and the Survivalist* is trying to teach a Idealists* how to behave, it takes a half a blow to see the Idealists* out the door with a finger stuck in the air: “Don’t you even think about hitting me!” That’s why the Idealists* is fairly safe from domestic abuse, but they wind up the abuser from time to time.

(One vital piece of this puzzle is that if the Idealists* owns the home the pair lives in, they are far less likely to feel like moving out to end the relationship, and the abuse keeps on going for longer than if the couple had bought the house together, in which case the Idealists* is likely to simply take off without a word one day when things get too uncomfortable for him or her. A Survivalist* may leave without a word just before Christmas, too, but they will also tell their partner where to find them. In this case, the idea is to put a strong bargain on the table, “if you don’t do this, I won’t return.”)

A lot of the Survivalist* are baffled at the ease in which a Idealists* leaves a relationship. They wonder if they ever feel lonely or remorseful of having left them, and the answer is no. The only time when a Idealists* misses someone it is when they are separated from another the Idealists* due to a misunderstanding or an external circumstance outside their own control, and even then, they cope relatively well compared to the Survivalist*, which is interesting considering how to a Idealists* relationships are personal, while to the Survivalist* they are more or less an arrangement. As it is so, even a Idealists* understands this from this perspective; To the Survivalist*, a relationship is a contract. You promised certain things and you’re not delivering, and you “leave without paying”. This is why it is of absolute importance the Idealists* know how the Survivalist* think about relationships so they can avoid them at all cost. The Survivalist* are always looking at sites like this to be taught how to contain and harness a Idealists* and make them behave a certain way, so for this reason, it is VITAL for the Idealists* to avoid giving them the slightest of reason to think they’re in a committed relationship or interested in forming one.

To the Survivalist*, the biggest wrong that can be done to them is to leave them (as a friend, a worker, as a partner, a parent, a sibling…) to a Idealists*, the biggest wrong you can do to them is to prevent them from going to the people they feel a true connection towards, who they TRULY feel in love with. This is the number one reason parents and children have issues, either way, no matter which type is the parent and which type is the child. A Survivalist* type of a child will always have abandonment issues if their parent is a Idealists*, and the Idealists* child always feels suffocated with the Survivalist* parent, but that goes TOO far off the topic even for me to ramble on about.

Ideally, the Survivalist* should seek other the Survivalist* and make it clear that is how they want things; Normal (both thinker types understand this expression relatively similarly, and the Idealists* will hate the idea), committed, real. Dating sites will work WONDERS for the Survivalist*, because there, they can state things out loud without having to uhm and ahm about it. It may feel like you have to hide the fact that you want commitment and play a guy or a girl into it, but you don’t, the people who think similarly will absolutely love hearing that, and they will flock to someone who has the courage to ask for what they need.

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