the Survivalist*’s issues with categorizing people

the Survivalist*, as the name suggests, are people who view life as a task list, roles to take up. Each person, in their mind, is judged by how well they play the role they’ve been cast in. The Idealists* see people as unique beings each of whom should have the freedom of choosing how to live. Now, the Survivalist* fear judgment, because they feel that if they don’t perform their role to the level of expectation, they will get “kicked out”, a fear, which seems to be both conscious and somewhat vague. They feel that they can be shunned or ostracised, or plainly dumped or divorced if they fail performing their role to the expectation.

Now, the Idealists* are constantly trying to both categorize people into categories that ensure personal freedom for all kinds of people, but the Survivalist* find this to be a type of a trap: If I choose what I want, then, I’ll be judged by that choice and I can be denied love and care as a result. An the Idealists* doesn’t understand this fear, because to us, it’s like a set of guideposts: You’ll find love and acceptance there! Go there. Meet up with THOSE people.

But the fear rises in the mind of the Survivalist*: What if the people I choose are “the bad people” the “lesser people”, the “wrong crowd”? The “losers”? What if I typecast myself in a way that tells everyone I’m expendable?

The Survivalist* solution

The Survivalist* may attempt to solve this fear by two opposite demands:

1. You have no right to demand ANYTHING from me. (Such as men are no  longer supposed to expect women to be beautiful, curvy, courteous, faithful, virtuous, blonde, brunette, or redhead, working or unworking, childed or childless, or anything else that you can pin a ‘character’ on.)
2. Alternatively, you have to stipulate, with pin-point accuracy, WHAT are your expectations and keep them at a level I can comfortably perform.

the Idealists* know what they want, but won’t teach the Survivalist* how to play that role

Now, the problem here is that the Survivalist* are drawn to try and please the Idealists* who all have a clear idea of who they are and what they are like and what they like. They declare their own opinion with a booming, self-confident voice, and don’t care if others object. The Idealists* make friends through a process of elimination and trying to find the one or two, perhaps a handful of people they consider friends. They don’t care about anyone else on a PERSONAL level, but to their detriment, they tend to care a lot about humanity at large.

This confuses the Survivalist*. The Idealists* seem to be sending them mixed signals: “I love you all, but not you”. The true meaning is “I love humanity, but not on a personal level. I reserve my personal love to THIS group of people, and the way they do things cannot be taught, that’s what THEY ARE.”

the Survivalist* feel cheated, because the Idealists* are, to them, like movie producers doing an open casting: “Here’s what I want”, but nobody who offers to PLAY that role is good enough for a Idealists*, who is pulling his or her hair out with all the offers from actors and actresses who have NO IDEA what sHe means and needs because sHe wants the person who IS this rather than PRETENDS to be this. All he can do is to try and clarify, which makes the Survivalist* think that OMG, there’s a MAJOR ROLE to be cast! This is the role for the first lady or the first gentleman if you happen to live in a progressive country, like where I’m from. 😉

In the meanwhile, a sensible the Idealists* is looking on thinking: “Wow, that person is popular. I think he/she might like me, but you know.”

Fears get fortified

The Survivalist* are too insecure to state what they want and to be confident their choices are “the right ones”. They believe there is such a thing as a right choice and a wrong choice. But the drama, in their life, is that the Survivalist* CANNOT make the right choice for as long as they are looking for that choice to bring them approval. For as long as they try to please, particularly and the Idealists*, they’ll never please a Idealists*. The Idealists* relationships of all kinds, in order to be satisfying to them, must be a synergy of independent individuals who are what they are without guidance, reprogramming, or pretense. They are who they are. To a Idealists*, the Survivalist* is exhausting company, because they need constant validation, reprogramming, and direction.

Therefore, the Idealists* rejects the Survivalist*, and they realize that once they set their mind to a role freely – it’s a trap and they get rejected. Therefore, they want the answer ready-made: “Tell me what I need to be in order to avoid exclusion.” An the Idealists* cannot answer that question, because as soon as sHe needs to lay down a script for the Survivalist* to play, they’ve already lost interest in the person, who they simply consider “utterly fake”.

Catch 22

the Idealists* tell each other exactly what they want in a person they are looking for any reason, typically for a partner. They figure that the sooner they tell a person what they’re looking for, the sooner the wrong ones will move on and look for something more suitable for them, and this is all done in all respect. You respect my right to be happy the way I want to be happy and I respect your choice of happiness.

However, the people most attracted to strict, clear rules are the Survivalist*, who are more than reluctant to give out what they actually ARE, because they fear to categorize, and they simply want the Idealists* to lay down the rules to which they then conform to. Some the Idealists* men, in particular, decide to simply assume the role of a dominant and dictate their rules to some thankful the Survivalist* female, who then, still, fails to raise the Idealists* man’s respect or love for her, making them both suspect he’s a narcissist. Why? Because the Survivalist* isn’t who they are, they fail to show personality, and this makes the Idealists* feel they are practically pretty water vapor, not much more. How do you, for instance, care about someone’s opinion, when you know that opinion is programmed in by you?

More

I derailed from my original topic. Sorry. Here’s more of the same topic, I speak of the Survivalist* as “fake person” here…. Unless I’ve updated it later. A Survivalist* definition of a “fake person” of course is someone who changed their mind about something they swore to agree with them about, or a person who cannot be trusted to have the same emotion towards all people in all situations. If I’m kind to X and irritable with Y, the Survivalist* considers me “fake” even though the reason why I’m always irritable with Y is that sHe annoys the crap out of me systematically, while X and I get on like a house on fire.

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