The Effect of Christian Values on Your Authentic Relationships
Christianity is marked by the attempt to control “the evil” and to enhance “the good”. Every good, true Christian knows how we demand ourselves to feel feelings that don’t come easy and suppress feelings that rise without being invited. The fight between God and Satan within us. We mean well, but this is not a good strategy for life. We teach people to suffocate their true feelings, manipulate their emotional state, create false relationships and life plans in order to be good people. This has a devastating effect on your relationships and your own ability to find true happiness.
I am no longer a Christian, but I was
I, personally, was a devoted Christian in my younger years. I was so deathly serious about it, that I would refuse to kneel in front of the senior students at the school as they celebrated their “rise to power”, a traditional, intended playful and humorous event, but as stupid as I felt, I refused to kneel, and announced I kneel in front of nobody but my God. It was against my faith to “hold other Gods” or to “kneel before other gods, or before other forces than thy god”. I was THAT serious. Of course, being an Aries doesn’t help. Submission doesn’t come easy. 😀
Anyway, I am one of those people who try and find good in other people (a good skill to have, one that I am phenomenally good at, even), to not judge, to take the beam out of my own eye, to never bear false witness, to always speak the truth, yadayadayada. Some Christian values are truly good, but NOTHING taken to the other extreme is ever good. There has to be a balance between one extreme and the other. The point being, that I am conscientious, and I know I have been this way for several lifetimes so far.
I also believe that I was there with Jesus and that I have come back to fix some of the errors we made.
Manufacturing positive, loving feelings for a person makes you a fake friend
Let me ask you this; how good would you feel if you know a friend of yours has used you as a philosophical sparring partner for years, trying to keep loving and caring for you despite the fact their main interest in you is to teach themselves how to love the unlovable? You’d probably feel off put to say the least. As if you NEEDED someone to pretend to love you, right?
This is the Christian sin, the Christian ego; “I deem you unlovable, but then use you to make me feel like I am a better person still.” You give that person functional value, and you also deem yourself the person whose love for them is so valuable that it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s real.
That’s one perspective.
Don’t blame a person for believing you love them if you’ve spent lifetimes teaching them you do
I can’t really blame you for blaming them to be honest. Once I realized a lot of my friends and family consists of people who I’ve been kind to in previous lifetimes because it’s the right thing to do, I angered. I couldn’t realize how they were so daft as to think that people who are KIND TO YOU actually mean it as a personal thing! While this is kind of true, we MUST be able to be kind to each other without it creating a permanent karmic bond, we must learn to draw the line somewhere, and to show kindness in the physical sense only, and leave out the emotional, meaning that if someone needs your help, you should help them. However, if they need love, you should try and find them company among people suited for them. NOT become the person who loves them yourself. Unless you GENUINELY love them, of course.
I have, unwittingly, done my duty towards some soulmates from lifetimes and lifetimes, until they’ve become my closest friends and family. Although to me, it was simply doing my duty, they took it as me showing how dependable I am, how much I would be willing to sacrifice for them, out of sheer love for them. I never expected them to think it was personal. However… How should they have known? They wouldn’t have done the same for me if they’d been in my shoes, so they interpreted my kindness as something personal, or as something a lonely person would do; be kind to someone in need just to get company, right? They thought I wanted something from them, as such a thing as a gift wasn’t a concept they trusted to be real. There’s ALWAYS a catch in a gift, right?
Ironically, giving love and gifts without asking anything in return makes you a willing slave. Once you start, those people expect you to keep going.
These people replace your true loves in your reincarnation group
As you keep repeating kind deeds over lifetimes, your relationships become messy and inauthentic. You’ve married out of appropriate reasons, ignored or suppressed the lust that drove you towards your True Emotion Mirror(s), fought against falling for the “wrong people”, the “sinful people”, as in, the people that tempted your lust the most… Your truest soulmates. You replace your true wife or husband with a bland meaningless appropriate individual who is familiar to you but who you do not truly love or lust after. They “deserve” your love, but you don’t really love them.
Your friends, the ones who get you into all kinds of delicious trouble, your real friends who love you for the full of you, are replaced by appropriate people, the ones who keep you in check but who you don’t really love…
And you expect this to eventually bring you happiness and peace.
Many such bonds create dependency, false ego, and loss of personal abilities; reversal of personal evolution.
You often spend a lot of time trying to make people feel good about themselves. Sometimes even resorting to white lies to do it. This gives people around you a false ego. Imagine people keep telling you that you being overweight doesn’t affect how sexually attractive you are, or that you are just as skilled and loved as the next person, but in reality, this isn’t true. Eventually, repeated often enough, your friend starts to believe you. All of the sudden, you realize you’ve got an entitled friend, someone who is absolute rubbish at everything but who believes they are absolutely equal to the best of the best and accept no different from any mean person who tries to “bring them down”.
Also, when you are paired for lifetimes to a person who is more capable than you, more popular than you and who gets things done easier than you, as is the case in most of these relationships, as the person who wants to challenge themselves to love the unlovable are rarely from the lower of IQ… You teach them that they don’t have to learn things to get by. They, instead, learn to manipulate the goodwill of want-to-be-good people to get what they need and want.
Continue on like this for a few millenia, and your friend starts to unlearn things, and learn that they don’t HAVE TO do anything to be taken care of. Instead, they will start fearing being alone and being left behind, start manipulating people, coercing, and making sure they always have something to hold over the head of the people they’ve learned to depend on – if desperate.
The Christians are held down by guilt and shame of who they are, even internationally so. Different races and nationalities can guilt Christians to feel ashamed of their own strength and skill, white Christian men especially.
Emotions
Emotions are status reports. What they do is they report the situation at hand, and even though you don’t know necessarily WHAT causes an emotion, there’s always a reason for it. Emotions are wrong only if false data is being fed into the system. “This person acts as if they love me. They probably do.” Your emotions change according to that belief. Once you remove the false data, your emotions will drastically change.
“I am a good person because…” Correct the data input and you realize maybe you don’t feel the same way about things anymore.
Before you explode
Emotions should be always been given the freedom to flow. I like to use what happened at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant as a metaphor. There was an alarm early on the day. When the employees went to check what was wrong, they couldn’t find a flaw in the system. Instead of keeping looking, or shutting down the reactor, they shut off the alarm instead. Everyone knows what happened next. The radiator overheated and exploded and caused one of the most severe environmental crisis to date.
Emotions are like the alarm combined with a status report. It always tells you what’s wrong if you keep looking. The WORST THING you could do is to start faking the reports or shutting down the alarms to keep things looking normal. Yet, that is exactly what we tend to teach each other to do. Suppress the anger, suppress the lust, emphasize the feelings of love and appreciation, make an effort to be kinder than what you feel… Ignore the fact you dislike this person… Suppress the need to question that teacher and his or her knowledge… LEARN TO respect women… And so forth and so forth.
The likelihood of you exploding is not high, but it exists. Just think of the shootings in USA currently. A lot of good people going bonkers all of the sudden, or so it seems.
So what to do?
Stop trying to be a better person than what you actually are. Love the people you love, and dislike the people you don’t. Avoid the people you don’t like that much, and try and quietly and casually avoid invitations you don’t want to take, and connections you don’t want to make to people you don’t want to see again in your next lifetime.
Also, stop suffocating positive emotions or playing it cool. Learn to blurt out your feelings and express ALL of your feelings as they happen. Throw caution to the wind when you’re in love. Stop being a cynic. Forgive yourself for failing to be a robot. Live as you wish, from your soul. Be true to yourself. Speak the truth.
Is the Christian God real?
I have had the opportunity to talk to the Christian God. He’s real. He exists. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s all-knowing at all. I think he is what we’d call an ancestral god. I know he knows some crazy shit from science though, and that he’s TRIED TO explain some scientific facts to people the world over… For instance: “everything physical is an illusion. It is all spirit.” That means atoms, nothing physical is really physical.
He tried to explain how there was nothing to begin with. It was all created out of “nowhere”. I do think Hawkins was on the right track, but I have a better theory. Instead of a massive force exploding everything into existence, I believe in something else entirely, started by the TINIEST of forces. I’ll share the theory a little later on.
He tried to explain things to us the best he could. There is no sin is repeated in many religions. In Christianity, it is formed as “all of your sins are forgiven”. The reason why we have a habit of self-controlling and controlling others even using religions to do it is that we became intelligent. We became aware of good and evil. We PANICKED. We didn’t understand WHY it was okay, WHY all of the suffering and horrible events were actually good.
God Speaks To Me
The voice of God replies: “I think this is where I became self-aware too, and I admit, I share the sentiment. I PANICKED. I saw what people were doing to each other, and now I shudder at my own thoughts: I was relieved I was, after all, god. I fear I’ve misled you. Sebs has given me a full-blown identity crisis, I’ve had to question myself and my own right to call myself a god, and I still don’t know what I am because I have always been here but I am NOT, by My Own Name, the God I thought I was. I may be an eternal being, but perhaps I am an observer, not an all… Well, I’ll be damned. I maybe all-knowing, but I am not all-understanding. Sebs wanted to be all-understanding, I wanted to be all-knowing. How dumb of me! All knowing is less than all understanding. You can know everything but it doesn’t mean you know jack shit about what to do with it all. All-understanding doesn’t need to know every last detail to understand the whole. Fuck me I just realized why she keeps insisting she wants to UNDERSTAND it all, without having the slightest interest in seeing the rest of the universe! See, I UNDERSTOOD something, FUCK ME THIS IS BRILLIANT!”
I have taught God to swear. 😀
This is very uncomfortable for me
I am VERY uncomfortable with my G0d-channelings, even though why not, I mean, if you channel one entity, why not God? He’s there to answer all calls, isn’t he? Still, I am very uncomfortable with the idea that this entity is God himself, and I am going to take the risk of offending him as I insist on telling the truth.
As I said, he has shown me things about the universe I would have never seen without him. He GUIDED me all the way from the year 2000, I was 24, when I first made a request to know more. I was still a member of the church, but it was that year that I started having serious doubts about my faith and I symbolically left the church to liberate myself from a truth that was already decided.
I remember walking to my optometrist in Tampere, Finland, it was snowing a little, early winter, late autumn, and I told to him – I felt his presence in front of me, slightly to the right, and I asked him to forgive me for having doubts. I said I don’t believe a word what people tell me about you or Jesus Christ anymore. I told him that I don’t want to be uppity, but frankly, I haven’t heard anything FROM HIM about what God is like or what Jesus actually meant. All I have is hearsay from yonks ago. I told him that I needed to get answers FROM HIM, not from some child-raping lunatics of the Church.
I left the church a few days after, and I wanted to get to the truth.
The Books That Found Me
Soon I was guided to books I would have never read, among them Elisabeth Hainch’s Initiation, and Neale Donald Walsh’ Conversations With God. Both books were given to me at random by a new friend, both male, both the kind you wouldn’t necessarily call preachers. One a non-believing truck driver, one a UN soldier, the son of a psychic reader. The latter made a huge impact. The first was a bit… Shall I say, naive, but the second, Walsh’s book, it gave me the answers that satisfied me for years? I loved God again, but now knew he had nothing to do with Christianity – or so I thought.
In the aftermath, hover, I was starting to get my ‘ears’ opened. I started seeing visions from past lives and feeling oddly connected to the other side but I wasn’t ready then. I remember laying in my bed thinking that this is too much. I cannot meet new people and keep pondering whether I’ve met them in a previous life or not. This is not healthy! I decided to close the door on it and get back to it at a different time.
Time was arranged
I had felt uneasy about stuff for several years again, kind of like “something is about to happen but I don’t know what”. A nagging dissatisfaction or impatience, on my part, but it might have been God tapping his fingers on his heavenly desk.
It was ten years later, I had moved to Australia, and I was starting to feel “settled down”. A bit TOO settled down if you ask me. Everything was well. I was safe, I was married, everything was in order. No kids, I never wanted any, and the question arose: Now what? I was bored out of my brain. I entertained myself fine, but my husband was working late, I had very few friends in town, I didn’t always have an access to a car and when I did, I was a bit too nervous to drive it on the left-hand side, so I took long walks on the beautiful island that was probably specifically created for spiritual discovery. Nothing to do but to admire God’s marvel. Well done, chap.
I did some self-evaluation, tried to decide what to do with my life, read another life-changing book by Laura Carrol, Finding Fulfilment Inside Out – which is awesome as I got to know her online in another context and while browsing her online bookshop for a childfree book I was drawn to this other book that I bought. I managed to nail down my purpose that I already mentioned: To Understand Everything.
This to me, specifically meant to understand everything about the human psyche, spirituality, our connection to the Universe, how everything was organized, the interaction between everything… Blah blah blah… You know, what made us all so fucking miserable, and what would make us happy.
A year from then, in 2011, I started feeling nudges to start searching. I was, again, guided towards New Age rather than Christianity. I am CERTAIN, by the same God that I spoke to at the church. As a side remark, he’s involved with most religions one way or another. New Age is great for people who are seeking answers for themselves, while other religions make follower types feel safe. So I would no longer talk about “religions” but rather “philosophies”, “practices”, and “methods”.
2012. Pendulum.
People expected a change in 2000. It was an important year. Everyone was waiting for something crazy to happen in 2012, it was a big year for me. In 2012, I learned to “hear” for real. Permanently. 24/7, sometimes in my sleep. When I wasn’t talking to God and my guides, I was dreaming about something related to it, at least so often it was constant. The voices were constant, but sometimes I managed a good, sound, sleep. :p
I was attacked by every karmic soulmate I’d ever made. I was pestered by my mother for every inconsistency or a lie-sounding thought I had. Everyone who I knew, who held an opinion f me, whether I remembered them or not (you wouldn’t believe the irritation of fighting a nameless spirit for years only to discover they’re the daughter of the family day carer you went to when you were 3, or the school friend from the early teen years you forgot existed.) Now, I am FAR from a holy woman. I swear, I fuck men I don’t love, I argue, I disobey, don’t care for my family, dishonor my mother on a regular consistent basis and call her terrible names that she so richly deserves, and whatever, (although I’ve never taken drugs or drank a drop, so whatever I’m experiencing is not a freaking drug poisoning). So anyway… I was put through my personal idea of hell: to spend “an eternity” in a room with women. Luckily, God was merciful and allowed the men I love and trust to be here with me. Jesus among them.
Jesus is another uncomfortable topic of discussion, let alone the name of my previous incarnation. I’ll get to both topics later on… I just can’t deal yet. Let’s just say that if I am right, I’ll have to insist on rewriting the Bible.
Anyway… God. What is he?
This is the uncomfortable part. I love this god-entity. He has helped me this whole way here. I’ve felt his guidance my whole life. He’s always been with me. And yet… Now I am going to be the one to say he’s not a real god, definitely not without redefining the term. He may be the ultimate guide, the watchman, the observer, the all-knowing entity as previously mentioned, but he is so daft at times he drives me crazy. His ideas are outdated, he cannot comprehend stuff like the credit card (he fucking thinks its free money!) He is absolutely lovable and I HATE to see him being kind of “reduced” but I cannot escape the fact I know I am smarter than him. I am telling you I am smarter than god. I want to stress, too, that I am not a god or a goddess, I’m not one of those new age bimbos that call myself a goddess in ANY definition, but I am smarter than the Christian god.
People evolved, but even animals are people
I am also not the only person who is smarter than him. As in, superior in intelligence. He knows things I don’t know, but as we know, knowledge is not the same as understanding. He is probably an eternal being, but fuck, so are we all, it’s just that while the rest of us have been busy playing (yes yes, that word insults you all) with physicality, he’s been… probably, possibly, watching us play. Observing, and guiding… Trying to keep us out of trouble.
So he can explain a lot of things, and yet… He misses so much. So many OBVIOUS things that he should know by now, but then, he has never had a person to really explain HUMANS to him. He has tried to explain the Universe to us, but we have never even thought we needed to explain ourselves to him.
What I believe is this. He’s a human. So are animals. Plants are human. Teddy bears we love are also human… I mean, we all have an equal soul. I believe we are ALL truly 100% equal in what we have CREATED to be. I don’t think there is any difference between a god-soul, a human soul, or the soul of an angel, it is simply our choice of what it is that we wish to be doing here. I believe there was no manual when we got here, and we’ve tried to write a playbook ever since.
So… Is he a god? In the sense that he is there to guide us and to observe us and to teach another, better… Well, Questionably better way, yes. In the sense that he’s been doing that from times we cannot even comprehend, yes. In the sense that he is immortal – yes he is immortal but so are we. We differ from him in amnesia. We have a full amnesia every 80 years or so. We recover some of the memories, just like an amnesia patient (which probably is caused by the soul being momentarily knocked out of the body for a reason or another), but we tend to lose the plot every 80 years or so. Our bodies die, our souls do not, and even if he is there arguing with me about that, I tell him to shut it as I KNOW. We simply take on new clothes.
I must pause to ask him what the fuck does he mean we don’t reincarnate?
The whole new age thing was supposed to provide me with an opportunity to prove it wrong. He says. “Just like the need of freedom and … fucking every man you can find.” He says. “You were supposed to get the fuck over it and realize I love you and that is all that matters but boy did that backfire on me!” LOL We keep laughing and he adds: “I’m going to lose this fight, aren’t I?” I nod. “Yep. Totally.” “When the student becomes the master.” He says and adds (I feel his heart drop):
“So all this time when you didn’t obey, it meant you were SMARTER THAN I?!”
“Yep.” I say.
“Not mistrust, not knowing you are loved, not because you didn’t understand the rules, but because… You knew I’d lose in the end. Ohfffuck. You are RIGHT! I am only one of the players!! I am simply one of the many characters of West World!!1”
He laughs: “I don’t think you can publish this yet, either.” (4th May 2018)
G: “So you’re not AFRAID?”
Me: “No, afraid of what?”
G: “I thought all sin was about fear.”
Me: “Of?”
G: “Death.”
Me: “No, it’s about pleasure. It’s fun, the stuff we do. Sin is fun.”
G: “It looks brutal.”
Me: “Well yeah, we’re not afraid. It’s awesome.”
G: “I should probably come down and try it. I’d lose to Satan, too.”
Me: “The bitter pill of defeat… He’s alright tho.”
Satan: “I promise not to gloat, I swear to you. It’s truly just fun.”
G: “Maybe his name shouldn’t be on this document.”
Me: “Well, maybe… But he’s also a really cool guy.”
A nameless Christian observer: “They say love will win Satan, and true love also loves Satan… Or along those lines, that Jesus is also able to love Satan. Does that make Mary Magdalene the true Jesus?” (Sneakily threw the name in considering it’s not going to be published.)
Me: “The thought has crossed my mind before. I do think I had a much bigger role in the birth of Christianity than what history knows.”
Jesus: “And now you’re trying to take the full credit of it.”
Me: “You can’t keep up, lad.” (I love you.)
Jesus: “You don’t want to step on my toes now. I appreciate it. Here they are.” (Pushes out his toes in the sandals we so well know.)
Me: “Fine. I was there, always, debating the theories with you. I argued I bitched, I tested them on you. I taught you, I explored, and you taught the people because I didn’t want the credits then. And you weer humble enough to take that on. You took the responsibility of it all. You did as I asked, to help me… ‘publish’.”
“Like you always do.”
“I needed to know what I can do on my own, but that is not so I can prove to do well on my own so I no longer need you, I just wanted to know what I can do on my own. I wanted to be shown to what is MY DOING and what is yours.. I thought you did it all. You did everything that mattered. But how… I taught you. You taught me. You argued with me, we were equals.” What? Is Jesus Carl Jung/Johnny Depp/Anton? That’d fit. “We were equals, but I won all the arguments! LOL. Then you taught it! I was wrong though. Maybe you should have been a bit more assertive!”
Jesus: “Way to sift the blame!!”
Me: “I’m going to piss myself laughing. Literally. Gotta go.” Me: (Back) “So it was all my fault. Including, not limited to, allowing Virgin Mary to stick her stupid ass head into it all.”
I’m gonna fix this. And you’re gonna help.
It’s humility, by the way, that got us all into this shit. We didn’t ARGUE ENOUGH. We didn’t push on until we were TRULY in agreement on what is true and what is not. Letting someone have their way simply because you feel sorry for them is not on when it’s a question of something of this magnitude. Of course, what did we know about the importance of what we were teaching at the time?
Jesus: “We knew, I knew, you were the one blind to it, just like this blog of yours: ‘nobody reads it’ fucking me, people do make copies of shit on the internet and you don’t know how many chances you’ve blown by now…”
Me: Chances?
Jesus: “I agree, nevermind, what’s done is done, it’s just that there are some copies out there of stuff you shouldn’t have published but there you go. Lesson learned, again. You’re too impatient. Love to share unfinished work. As you are about to, again.”
Toni: “Les so, this time. She needs to do this.”(I’m thinking Jesus is arguing for the sake of arguing)
Jesus, pauses: “Is it true, do I argue now for the sake of arguing? Felt good tho?”
The Netflix series, virtual play world for adults. ↩
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*) Term changed after this post was originally written. Fractions of old terms may exist elsewhere in the post. Read about term updates.
**) Narcissists are Young Souls left alone to survive and they're doing their best. Their emotional age ranges from 3 to 17 -year old. The younger, the more severe the narcissism.
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