The fear of losing the feeling of love and desire.

There is a soulmate type that I’ve named the Vaporizing Lust Mirror, which is effectively not a soulmate of great significance but rather a Trail Companion* that you have a fleeting, temporary sexual and/or romantic attraction toward. However, that attraction vanishes very soon after you get to act on it. It is based on the “cannot have” factor rather than anything deeper than that. Once you can have it and have proven to yourself you can, you’ll lose interest. We’ve probably all been there. A crush that lasted years sometimes turns into vapor the moment you act on it.

This can make True Emotion Mirrors fear that this is the same thing, and if we actually act on it, this deep feeling of connectedness will vanish, and you’re back to square one. This fear can be very real to some people – and can even be felt on behalf of you by your soulmates who want to protect you from the loss of this fantasy person… Which is kind of – if I didn’t know from personal experience how FUCKING SHIT it feels to know your soulmates would stand in the way of your love life thinking it’ll never last, I’d say it’s kind of – understandable.

The thing is, though, that a Vaporizing Lust Mirror’s allure vanishes absolutely into thin air, painlessly and without a trace. It’s actually quite humorous – also speaking from personal experience. You hang onto some crush over a guy (or a girl) for freaking years. Finally, you get there, fuck like rabbits for two weeks, and then you just never even think about calling them again. It’s a fun experience, nothing to cry about.

True Emotion Mirrors are nothing of the sort, but there is a fragility to them, too; there are a ton of ways to muck it up, too, and in this post, I’ll talk about the stuff that stems out of fear of losing them as if they were a Vaporizing Lust Mirror.

Lock it in before it vanishes.

One of the solutions is to marry that person while the feeling is still there. This is the need to seal the deal before they get tired of you or before you get tired of them. To make it official, fast.

Needless to say, this would be a terrible idea if that person IS a Vaporizing Lust Mirror, but it’s also not the right thing with a True Emotion Mirror, and that is because you’re basing it on fear; you want to hit a pause button where you think the “stocks” are at the highest point, but with a True Emotion Mirror, the unity is still growing. You’re still nowhere near the height, and if you “lock it in” now, you may teter on the edge of sorts… Afraid to move forward, deeper in the relationship in the fear that this would be the thing that turns it all into vapor.

Avoid commitment until she/he forces it into a marriage.

Another bad way to do it is to dodge commitment, fearing that the feelings will vanish if there’s a commitment. True Emotion Mirror relationships are not based on the “cannot have” factor, but they can certainly LOOK that way.

A True Emotion Mirror may feel that if they dodge commitment for long enough, their counterpart will force a marriage about, and then, they’ll secure themselves into their future even though their counter part’s feelings would vaporize. So, you maybe sure of your own feelings, but still INSIST that your counterparts feelings are based on “cannot have.”

While this strategy might work with a Vaporizing Lust Mirror to a point, it won’t work with a True Emotion Mirror, who will simply feel rejected, and wonder “what’s wrong” without realizing this is their counter part’s fear.

Keep her/him as a lover.

Another strategy that people use to protect this desire, is to keep their “true love” as a lover, as the side chick or side guy, rather than marry them. They believe this will protect the feeling of desire, and they’re using another woman or man as a buffer; so their feelings wouldn’t vaporize.

Again, a protective strategy based on nothing but fear alone, but shouldn’t be.

Put it to the test.

This is how I feel about it: If it’s vapor, it’s worthless. You’d better off figuring that out sooner rather than waste your life pining after someone who you want simply because you can’t have him or her. Just go there. You’ll find another one of those soon enough, man. Nothing worth saving here.

Now, if you feel your feelings are real, and lasting, then you’ll ALSO be better off knowing if theirs aren’t. If your feelings ARE REAL, then, you’ll love them enough to let them go; you’ll want their happiness more than you want your own, and THAT is also painless… Or at least is a nice kind of pain… You just have to BELIEVE they are actually happier without you than with you, and if you can see them genuinely happy, you’ll be probably fine with the breakup, too.

There is no test of love like boredom, but having said that, “testing” a relationship should never go beyond thriving for happiness/fun/excitement, and making A RELATIONSHIP LAST shouldn’t be a higher priority to finding lasting HAPPINESS… Wherever it comes from, in whatever format it comes from, and whomever it takes to be there.

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