The illusion of “deserving love” and creation of a false ego

We are all after true love. However, the way we feel about how love is obtained differs by the emotional maturity of a given person. As people reincarnate, their understanding of each phase lesson gradually deepens. The first times, the lessons are shallow and narrow, but the more lives you live, the deeper the understanding becomes.

Before we go on, let me just stress that you are worthy of love, and you can find love, but… Not through false ego, but your true ego, true, authentic sense of who you are as a person. All of this is going to be good in the end, but it’ll sound pretty bad at first. ;p

Here’s a quick breakdown on how different age souls view love and thus, the need for ego. (For the registered.)

False ego

Our need to be loved and accepted is the catalyst for people to create a false ego. The motivation for any false ego is to try and convince yourself that you are lovable, respectable, admirable, or at least acceptable to others and yourself.  You may also “stonewall” criticism if you feel you haven’t been honest with others about what you want and are like, and you knowingly harbor a false vos¹ to protect yourself from a false life. There is no other possible reason for a false ego. A positive lie you tell yourself about yourself.

A slightly milder form of false ego is the attempt to live by ideals that require you to behave in a false manner in order to appear “humble” or “loving”, or like a “good person”. In the woke culture, this is cancer. A popular form of this is the attempt to be friends with everybody, even when you truly don’t care for their company or their love. That’s you making those people a part of your false ego, your false virtue, and even though you’re doing it with good intent, you are still lying to them and yourself and everyone you’re trying to get the approval of by doing so.

Creating a false ego when you don’t think your true self is enough to be loved is required by the illusion that you’ve done something that would make you worthy of love. People believe they can control finding love by doing things that make them worthy of love. That is not how love works, however.

Attitude

You can not earn love, but you can certainly undeserve love. You can NEGATE your lovability, but you cannot truly WIN love by doing anything specific. You receive love for the spirit you do things with, not for what you do. You can do charity with a true mean spirit: “Those losers who cannot help themselves! All I ever do is try and keep those bastards alive…” or, you can do it with a fun attitude: “Let’s just beat the system! We’ll get these people off the streets so such things as money cannot get in the way of a person’s happiness and self-respect!” Whatever you do, is a matter of attitude, not about what you ACTUALLY DO. It is the ATTITUDE that people love or hate you for.

If it was true that you can earn love, you could just point out things you do well, look good doing or have spent a lot of effort achieving and then demand love for yourself as a payment for your good deeds. Lots of people do think that’s the way it works. Still, no matter how good you are, not all people like your attitude, even positive attitudes. They may appreciate it, but perhaps not fall in love with it.

Love is an involuntary reaction to lovable people. You cannot choose which people will find your choices and attitude lovable, but you can choose things that make YOU like YOU more. Once you like yourself the likelihood that others will like you, too, increases. As long as you like yourself honestly, rather than pretend to, from the ego. The more you like yourself, the more others will like you, too. Many people try to be as nasty as they can, to find the people who love and like them regardless… But… It’s risky, and often doesn’t work too well.

However, let’s back up.

False ego and ways people trick themselves into thinking they don’t have one

Ego, in short, is your idea of who you are. Whatever the word “I” refers to when you say it. A false ego is a bit different. A false ego is a nice, positive story you tell yourself about yourself that isn’t true but you choose to believe and promote to others.

One of those lies may be that you don’t have a false ego. Most people have SOME false ego left. Some have a big one, and particularly those who tell themselves they don’t have a false ego are more than likely to harbor a huge one. To test yourself: Have you ever been ANGRY with someone for NOT LOVING YOU? If you have, you have a false ego or had a false ego when you felt that anger. EVEN IF this anger is directed toward your mother or father. NOBODY OWES YOU LOVE, but your parents owe you physical care, which is not the same thing as love. ANGER ITSELF isn’t a sign of false ego, it’s specifically anger for not being loved by a specific person who you think owes you love because for whatever reason.

A false ego isn’t how you look, what you do, how much money you have, how hard you work on your sport goals, etc. None of that is false ego. False ego is the belief that those things will win you love. It’s a lie you tell yourself about that you gain love or respect by being beautiful, successful, or rich. NONE of those things matter. What wins you love is HOW you do what you do. Your PERSONAL SLANT to it. Your own brand of crazy. Your attitude. The way you are being whatever you are. Rich, poor, lazy, hard-working, beautiful, ugly… You name it. The way YOU do anything you do is what inspires love in others… Or put them off.

You cannot reach a point at which you “deserve love”, but you can reach a point at which you no longer do

There are people who have made themselves believe they don’t have a false ego² because they have ERASED EVERYTHING people love or admire about other people. THE WORST WAY to interpret this, of course.

These people THRIVE to be ugly, nasty, lazy, difficult to live with, horrible human beings, who spew venom around themselves and call it “being real”. Their idea is, that by doing this, they are “not trying to impress others” or “not going after admiration”, hence “being without ego”. They can also do bad things so that God knows they’re sinners, so God can later forgive them. They can also wallow in their own sinfulness: “Oh look at me, I am such a poor loser. I am such a sinner. Pitiful being. I deserve nothing…” This is also a false ego but errs on the side of self-pity and ridicule, rather than risks on the side of self-elevation.

You take this far enough, and you no longer deserve love. NOBODY WILL CARE whether you live or die – or, at least, hope you won’t live anywhere nearby and you remain someone else’s nightmare.

Now, to preserve their ego that they’ve got the right answer, they’ll be thinking “But is receiving love really anything to live for?” To those people, I say, that is entirely up to you what you live for, but don’t be hoping, let alone begging for love, then, either, or you’ll make yourself a hypocrite.

Removing all of your possessions will also not remove your ego nor will having all the money in the world create you one

Your false ego IS NOT what you own or don’t own. Your wealth can be your object of focus, for sure, it CAN become a part of your false ego, but isn’t automatically so.

Not owning stuff doesn’t make you a better person than someone who owns things. If you think it does, it ABSOLUTELY is a sign of false ego. CONSUMING isn’t the same thing as having an ego. USING THINGS is not the same thing as having a false ego. ABUSING things may be selfish, and selfishness is a sign of false ego³, but so is asceticism. “I am such a good person because I don’t consume”, is just as much an ego-statement as “I am a philosopher because I wear this scarf” is.

If you FOCUS ON STUFF and EXTERNAL THINGS, NOT having them is just as misguided as having them for the purpose of being loved or admired. NOT having something for the purpose of being loved or respected is the exact same thing in reverse. You’ll be just showing off what you DON’T HAVE or own instead of showing off what you do own. It is just as icky to walk into the house of an egotistical poor man who expects you to worship him for being poor as it is to walk into the house of a rich man who expects you to worship you for being rich. But mind you, I also know normal people who expect you to worship them for being normal and ordinary so brilliantly.

What you OWN or don’t own DOES NOT MATTER.

The fact you don’t love someone won’t kill them

Also, this has to do with false ego, and something very liberating when you get it:

Do you think your love means so much to others that you MUST ALWAYS be attentive to everyone else around you? That if you don’t love them, who will? That if you say a bad thing to them, their world will shatter?

You’ll be held down by your own belief that YOUR love means everything to others because you are such a nice person and loved a lot. AND that is one of the topics of the advanced class in removing false ego, and that’s what my registered users get.

Heureka!

Once you get it, your life will change. Everything about the way you do things will change. You’ll relax, and start feeling emotions like you’ve never felt before. You’ll be free. You’ll stop expecting people to react to you in a specific way, and you’ll allow them to make up their minds about you and your lifestyle freely.

You won’t care whether they love you or not by all the wrong things. You’ll want them to like you because you don’t get in their way. You want them to see you either as a non-issue, a harmless being or a beautiful, wonderful being that makes their world a better place. Your attitude shifts from begging for love and acceptance to begging for freedom to be who you are. You’ll want permission to be who you are. You’ll realize you don’t harm anyone else by NOT being their… bitch, so to speak, and you just want them to let go. But that’s another lesson to be learned…

It may take a moment to hit.

1. idea of others, in this case, you lie to yourself that they love you, respect you, admire you, even when they don’t really. ↩

2. People often talk about “having an ego” to mean “having a false ego”. Everyone has an ego, an idea of who they are. A healthy ego consists of TRUE self-description. ↩

3. selfishness comes from the idea that you’re more important than others, which is not true. Thus, false ego. Then again self-sacrificial can also be a sign of a false ego, as it’s all about balance. ↩

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