The importance of communication, why cold is not necessarily cold

The player. Envision, please. Can you see him?

He blocks his emotions away from others because he is too sensitive to everything around him. He plays because he needs love so much, or has convinced himself that his romanticism is wasted and that it would be difficult to find a girl who’d actually love him for who he is. He’s a romantic but he wishes he wasn’t. He may also be a pervert, and he might wish he wasn’t that, either, because he feels a romantic and a pervert do not fit into the same person, or that a pervert isn’t worthy of love… And because he’s certainly a pervert (or otherwise flawed) he believes the best he can wish for is a string of meaningless partners, while he quite likely avoids the one person he truly feels love and respect for. Should he, by some miracle, wind up marrying someone he loves, he’d find it difficult to maintain a sexual relationship with her, because, he’d see her above his vile sexuality…

Another guy might be so full of emotion and sensitive, that he fears other’s taking advantage of his kindness and soft heart. He knows that if he lets out the entirety of what he is, people will hang onto him to dear life, thinking he’s their savior and long lost love, simply because HE is so loving and emotional. If he let out what he is, there’d be a dozen women insisting he’s their True Emotion Mirror… Only a dozen if he’s lucky – even if his own feelings for these women were mild to strong, but nothing of the True Emotion Mirror scale.

Monogamy also forces people to shut down loving feelings once they are married, and often it gets too difficult to keep opening up and shutting down emotional expression depending on who you talk to.

On top of that, we block the emotions that we fear will take over if we give them a free reign, even though they weren’t really real… I cannot resist but to post a video as an example below. A bit of context, this is a one off performance, these two don’t normally perform together: Nuno here, the dude singing (and playing the guitar) is AFRAID he’s attracted to Heather, the singer. Heather is in love with him and doesn’t hesitate to show it (her leg hug at the end of the clip speaks volumes), but he thinks she’s too much of a plastic Barbie for him (too chirpy, in other words), and although he is attracted to her, quite strongly, he fears he’s MORE attracted to her than what he lets himself believe, and he’s afraid that he’s going to be caught off a lie to himself and it creates an interesting dynamic between them, and somewhat of a tense air to the performance, which is awesome to watch. If he was comfortable with her and his feelings for her, he could make the whole performance a whole lot more flirty without it actually meaning anything, but because he doesn’t dare to think how far he’d take things with her if he allowed himself to, he cannot truly study them. (If he’s reading, he should know he’d go quite a distance with her, but he’d find himself in too shallow waters eventually, and the relationship would end at that point authentically, even though she would never fall out of love with him, but she’d accept the breakup if he’d let it run its course naturally. She’s not as prone to having existentialist crises as he is, and his occasional misery needs company.) (He’s avoiding looking at her too long or too intently, to the point that it seems funny considering this is a love song. When he sings “well I never had a girl looking any better than you did” he points at her but doesn’t look at her, because if he did, the gesture would be possibly interpreted to be authentic and he cannot risk that. He braves it occasionally but he’s comfortable only for so long before he needs to break off from the connection, fearing it would get too hot to pass off as a simple performance. What is also so… Fun to notice is how much she enjoys the permission/opportunity to touch him, and she rubs it in the face of the girls in the audience, with quite the glee… 😀 Plus, she knows guys like her, and she knows women feel peeved about her considerable charms. :p Watch what fun:)

If a rock star gets that weirded out by a pretty girl, what chance does a normal guy have? 

A lot of romantic men are brutally pushed into their shell by societal expectations on men, mainly by other men. The younger generations are much less affected by this, but the Generation X is still pretty badly affected. The Generation Y and younger are probably fine – more or less. The younger generations, however, are probably required to express emotion more than they are naturally willing to. While this might work for some individuals, there would be some that find that intrusive and stressful.Further… When we feel on top of our game, or simply superior to someone else, we feel completely comfortable opening up all of the flood gates of emotion and let everyone see whatever they see, until an inferior wants our love, at which point the superior clamp up as there’s a sudden threat. When we are not feeling threatened, so all emotion is freely on display. However, when we meet someone who rattles our cage so to speak, who we want to impress and like us, if we are not feeling confident enough, the emotional field might get slammed shut. The more self-aware we are about our flaws and failures, the tighter the doors get shut when we are faced with someone who we consider our equal or superior, even, or an inferior who thinks they have romantic or emotional rights on us. This results in them feeling NOTHING from you, you feel completely cold or unemotional to them. This could be the reason for true lovers running from each other, perhaps the emotions were free to flow at first, but then someone said something that got misinterpreted and the gates got closed tight. Oddly, this is also the reason why chasing the one you can’t have happens, people want to believe that the feelings someone is hiding is their love for that person, not their disinterest. (If you chase a cold person, you’re most likely chasing a dream, if you are chased by a cold person, they might not be as indifferent towards you as they seem, nor as much after an easy fuck as they might put on.)

When people are seriously considering joining their lives with yours for good, they will get judgemental as they want to assess whether you’re truly the kind of a person they think you are, and whether or not they should trust their entire existence with you. To then face someone who you feel judged by you need every ounce of your self-confidence to face that person with your emotions free for them to read. This is the reason why true love is so hard to find when both or all of you feel both judgmental and judging, vulnerable and scared, insufficient and under-valued… Relationships like these need the perfect circumstances to evolve without a hickup, but they work… Sometimes. Many times a few words would take matters a long distance, but what is also typical is that when you have a reputation to uphold and you feel saying “hi” to someone will sound like “will you marry me”, words tend to get tangled up somewhere in the tonsil region…

But… If they’re cold towards you, trust what they are saying (even a rejection) as they are using every ounce of their courage to say a word, even if you can’t feel their feelings for you, they’re not lying. On the other hand… If you can feel love pour out of them and they tell you to go away, they’re probably trying to rile you up to spill the beans… (What do you want?!) And you’re the locked up one. The runner. Like I was. I tried to say it, but he was so confident in my self-confidence he chased me out on the run… So there you go. A 1001 ways to screw up true love, installation #200492 😀

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