The Narcissistic spiral – how does a person spiral into narcissism?

There’s a surprising end to this post. I didn’t plan for it. 😉

Start of the cycle

Narcissism is a combination of different fears coming together. Fear of abandonment, fear of taking responsibility, fear of not being enough, fear of not being good enough or accepted. Narcissism is often said to be a condition of not loving others and lacking empathy, but I’m not convinced either claim is true. Narcissist do love their people, but the way they love them is a little… Difficult. They start from fear of abandonment: If I don’t step up, they’re going to ditch me. They realize if they find out I have no idea what I’m doing, they’re going to ditch me. It becomes a question: If I fuck up, are they going to ditch me? So they’ll both make semi-deliberate mistakes and disobey to see what the reaction is going to be. If they are not thrown out the minute, they mess up, their self-confidence increases. “So I’m not worthless to them, great!” The more f*** ups they can get away with, the higher their personal sense of worth grows.

Then, it becomes the next stage; “I don’t NEED TO take responsibility because I’m important. More important than others. They don’t even expect me to take responsibility.” This also rings true to them because babies are helpless, useless, and have no responsibility, yet they are the most important person in the room. Therefore, they become adult babies, that others need to take care of.

That poses a problem; adults have power, but babies do not. So they’ll have to prove to themselves that they do have power. This is where the abuse starts. You HAVE TO take care of me because I am the important one. If the other refuses or doubts this, they’ll “potato sack;” they’ll sort of try but fail. They try to stand up, but as soon as you take your hands off them, they’ll slump back down like a sack of potatoes. “No, I can’t, you can’t expect me to; I’m not a worker; I’m a queen/king. YOU take the responsibility!”

And, for the most part, the rest of us will.

the Old Souls*

That said, a narcissist can also interpret the Old Souls*’s refusal to take responsibility for people they don’t love as narcissism. However, not loving someone is not narcissistic; it’s just that they don’t love someone. In fact, narcissists can love more than a normal person does, more openly, more fearlessly, and more insistently, because they believe all that is needed for a person to be loved is to be bonded with them – any bond will attempt to.

Interestingly enough, they may “be the important one” and still admire you for being the capable one. They can also admire you for being the important one, if they wind up being the caretaker, which is possible, it’s just that the last thing a narcissist wants to be forced to do is to take care of others – especially people they love, as who is the least capable one in the room? The narcissist, right?

Narcissists** don’t want responsibility but will fight for it.

There is a conflict, again, however. The narcissist doesn’t want to take responsibility, but if they deem themselves the most capable out of the options, they will not only accept it, but fight for it. Ironically, they can take responsibility from people who are more than willing to take care of themselves – the Old Souls* – and believe they don’t want the responsible position – which they don’t. The Old Souls* believe adults should take care of themselves, but the Young Soul* take responsibility for other adults, too. To be truthful, the Young Soul* is synonymous with a narcissist, but I’m suggesting narcissism isn’t quite a personality disorder but rather a reaction to a way of thinking that conflicts with that of the Old Souls*. If they were to work together, they’d actually function quite nicely. It’s just that you put one the Old Souls* into the spanner, and the whole thing falls apart. The Old Souls* refuses to play along, they refuse to lead and they refuse to follow, and the Lover-thinking* cart falls over.

Put an add somewhere.

For the Young Soul*, you have to count the Old Souls* out of your plans completely. They’ll make their own way and you can’t follow. You will be much better off by yourselves, even if you have to accept you’re just a bunch of fuck ups. You will do MUCH BETTER in that group than what you would do with a “capable Cat Type Thinking* leader” or teacher or whatever in the mix.

You could put a newspaper ad and call for a bunch of fuck ups and misfits to join into a group project or a business plan of some description – you’ll decide later when we know what we have to work with, and you’ll thrive. I promise.

the Old Souls* kind of work this way as an individual. They take what they have installed in their head and work with it. But their knowledge is so specified, that they rarely want anyone else to tag along, unless they fit perfectly already. Now, your version must be a band of WILLING participants, you’ll get together, and you brain storm what you can do with the resources each one of you brings onto the table.

I love it… For you. Do you?

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